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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have got the hump because DH called my handmade Christmas garland 'that awful thing'

127 replies

Fivepigeons · 03/12/2023 20:08

I should just say I'm 8 months pregnant and my dad died this time last year so it's possible I'm not the most emotionally level person right now but...
I am now very angry and hurt and just cannot be fkd.
I feel like I try really hard to make Christmas special and my DH just acts like it's all a joke.
We had planned to put the decorations up this afternoon. So I got the kids dressed up Christmassy and put on the music and DH brought down the tree which me and the kids put up...
I thought he was getting the rest of the decorations so I go to see and he's actually just sat sorting thru a bunch of paperwork in his office... which mildly irritated me but I didn't say anything just asked where the Christmas decoration box was... he said he didn't know.. he'd only seen the one with 'that awful thing you put on the fireplace' in...
He was referring to a handmade garland I made with my grandmother and mother's old Christmas baubles a few years ago.
It's just set me off tbh.
I just feel like he doesn't give a shit sometimes. It's made me really sad.
He thinks the kids shouldn't be lied to about santa. He'd be happy just earing frozen chips or something on Christmas day. Stuff like this... and I kind of resent that he gets to enjoy the fruits of my labour whilst also acting like its all ridiculous.
I'm working a 12 hour night shift on Christmas eve and I've done bags of the kids presents all named in separate bags for him to put in the stockings whilst they are asleep. Because ill be at work so wont be able to do it... i wont get back till 9am. But he just keeps winding me up saying its pointless because the kids know santa isn't real so he doesn't need to go to all that effort.
I feel like just disconnecting from the entire thing... but then my primary aged children won't have as good of a Christmas and you know I doubt my husband would even notice anyway.

Please help me calm down about it and remind me I do these things for the kids and for myself so it doesn't really matter how much of a drainer he is about it.
I just can't stop feeling sad.

OP posts:
Fairtobefairohhhhhc · 03/12/2023 20:14

Yanbu. But also, how old are DC? Do they like Christmas? Might be a silly question. But I see so many people hyping up for Christmas needing it to be perfect. But no one else is that bothered. Can you have an easy day after your shift. And then if you really want a Christmas dinner do a roast on boxing say when your not working and cook together?

Meant to add. We don't celebrate Christmas so I apologise If I just don't get it.

Try not to stress OP. Especially as you are going through a lot and working!

ThatshallotBaby · 03/12/2023 20:14

Oh no what a horrible thing to say. It sounds like life is full on for both of you, lots of juggling.
I would try and talk to him when you feel calmer, if things are usually ok between you.
Making a garland with your mum’s and grandmother’s decorations is a lovely thing to do, and I bet it is beautiful.
Don’t disengage, as I think it will upset you more

Intensiv14 · 03/12/2023 20:16

He sounds like an absolute misery, can you just do stuff for you and the kids ?

CavalierApproach · 03/12/2023 20:19

You’re eight months pregnant and you’ve been put down for a 12-hour Christmas Eve night shift?!

OhNoForever · 03/12/2023 20:19

What a miserable cunt. Don't calm down. Tell him to stop being such a vibe sniper.

00100001 · 03/12/2023 20:19

Well fuck him off and do nothing for him for Christmas. No presents,no inviting him anywhere, no cooking for him.

do what you want for the kids, and he can jog on.

CalistoNoSolo · 03/12/2023 20:20

Oh dear. He's a shit but you probably knew that before getting pregnant again. It's not you, it's not hormones, it's not the time of day/month/year. I think try and make Xmas magical for you and your children and leave him out of it. Then in a few months make a long term plan for your happiness.

Perfect28 · 03/12/2023 20:21

I don't understand why you're planning to work a 12 hour night shift at 9 months pregnant?

Fulshaw · 03/12/2023 20:22

He sounds like a fun sponge. I’d tell him so.

piglet81 · 03/12/2023 20:22

Hopefully she meant to type 8 weeks pregnant!

OP, your H sounds a bit rubbish and joy-sapping. Is he always like this?

Gatekeeper · 03/12/2023 20:23

You will be almost 9 month pregnant on Christmas eve and you are doing a 12 hour shift ??? My goodness OP , you should be putting your feet up after kicking your husband in the shin

theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 20:23

That was very rude and you should call him out on it.

However in general these things are about compromise so it may be (for example) that leaving the tree closer to Christmas would work better for him. It is quite early for a tree and for dressing the kids up.

Have a conversation with him, during which he will hopefully apologise.

theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 20:24

And - yes - the shift - are you really that pregnant and doing 12 hours?!

Z1hun · 03/12/2023 20:25

Its hard but not everybody sees Christmas in the same way. My MIL for example decorates her house so every inch of it is covered in decorations. Where We just put up a twig light up branch tree and call it quits. She gets super snide about it. Each to their own I guess. Just got to find a way around it and not try to control him.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 03/12/2023 20:25

There is only 1 awful thing in your life op. And it ain't a garland..

PTSDBarbiegirl · 03/12/2023 20:25

Make him a Christmas present this year.
Wrap up a meal for one and go out or just have fun.

Original poster
Fivepigeons · 03/12/2023 20:26

I am 8 months pregnant. My job is only 12 hour night shifts. I am a full time night worker. I am working up until a week before my due date. It's just my normal hours.
I don't mind working nights it's just stressful thinking my husband won't take the stockings seriously

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 03/12/2023 20:28

Fivepigeons · 03/12/2023 20:26

I am 8 months pregnant. My job is only 12 hour night shifts. I am a full time night worker. I am working up until a week before my due date. It's just my normal hours.
I don't mind working nights it's just stressful thinking my husband won't take the stockings seriously

I think you have bigger issues than worrying about stockings to be frank. Where is teh respect, love , consideration?

Original poster
Fivepigeons · 03/12/2023 20:28

He's not usually shit. He just doesn't take Christmas very seriously.
And tbf I think I am quite emotional about it this year.

OP posts:
WhatYouWearing · 03/12/2023 20:29

'm working a 12 hour night shift on Christmas eve

And you're eight months pregnant right now? You got bigger problems than your DP.

HeddaGarbled · 03/12/2023 20:30

You need to have a conversation about meeting in the middle. He’s being a fun-sponge but dressing the children up ‘Christmassy’ at the beginning of December (or perhaps, ever) is way over the top.

CatsCocktailsCareers · 03/12/2023 20:30

What an insensitive bellend. Make another garland. Out of his favourite ties.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 03/12/2023 20:31

You can't force other people to put the same value on things that you do.

I'm sorry about your dad Flowers

muchalover · 03/12/2023 20:32

This is how he shows you how much he thinks of his 8 month pregnant love of his life who is still working on a very important day to contribute financially.

This is how much he loves you. Consider that. I think you need a conversation because this man is completely taking you for granted and being a fun sponge.

Original poster
Fivepigeons · 03/12/2023 20:32

I just put them in their Christmas jumpers and santa hats because we were going to decorate the tree together. I don't think that's over the top... isn't this when most people do the decorations?

OP posts: