To have got the hump because DH called my handmade Christmas garland 'that awful thing'

[Fivepigeons]

I should just say I'm 8 months pregnant and my dad died this time last year so it's possible I'm not the most emotionally level person right now but...
I am now very angry and hurt and just cannot be fkd.
I feel like I try really hard to make Christmas special and my DH just acts like it's all a joke.
We had planned to put the decorations up this afternoon. So I got the kids dressed up Christmassy and put on the music and DH brought down the tree which me and the kids put up...
I thought he was getting the rest of the decorations so I go to see and he's actually just sat sorting thru a bunch of paperwork in his office... which mildly irritated me but I didn't say anything just asked where the Christmas decoration box was... he said he didn't know.. he'd only seen the one with 'that awful thing you put on the fireplace' in...
He was referring to a handmade garland I made with my grandmother and mother's old Christmas baubles a few years ago.
It's just set me off tbh.
I just feel like he doesn't give a shit sometimes. It's made me really sad.
He thinks the kids shouldn't be lied to about santa. He'd be happy just earing frozen chips or something on Christmas day. Stuff like this... and I kind of resent that he gets to enjoy the fruits of my labour whilst also acting like its all ridiculous.
I'm working a 12 hour night shift on Christmas eve and I've done bags of the kids presents all named in separate bags for him to put in the stockings whilst they are asleep. Because ill be at work so wont be able to do it... i wont get back till 9am. But he just keeps winding me up saying its pointless because the kids know santa isn't real so he doesn't need to go to all that effort.
I feel like just disconnecting from the entire thing... but then my primary aged children won't have as good of a Christmas and you know I doubt my husband would even notice anyway.

Please help me calm down about it and remind me I do these things for the kids and for myself so it doesn't really matter how much of a drainer he is about it.
I just can't stop feeling sad.

The thing my made or bought the most naff Christmas decorations most years.

It probably is a bit shit if it's a mish mash of old baubles. Why not just put their baubles on the tree.

Christmas just isn't a big deal to many people. If he is a decent man otherwise just let it go.

Yet you're having another kid though life is already so stressful.

@JoyeuxNarwhal
I know you are right. In an ideal world I wouldn't need his energy about Christmas to match mine, I'd just enjoy it myself..

I have never dressed up the dc to put up decorations — I do think for us it would be a bit extra, but that’s us, everyone has different traditions.

Yeah this would infuriate me. How selfish can he be?

I've never made my kids dress up in Santa hats and jumpers to decorate the try, so I do think that's a bit OTT. However, his lack of enthusiasm is shit- there should be a middle point somewhere. And winding you up that he's going to deliberately fuck it up just to spite you, is a really sitty thing to do.

Very odd that people on mumsnet are surprised about you working up till a week before your due date - that's pretty normal among mums I know?! Aren't most commenters on here mums themselves?

About the actual op question... I think your husband was very rude about your Christmas garland. But also you are (slightly) BU for saying he "enjoys the fruits if your labour" with regards to your elaborate Christmas planning. Not everyone is bothered about it.

My MIL goes crazy-overboard with Christmas decorations and planning and presents every year. But she acknowledges that she does this for her own satisfaction. It sounds like you're being a bit of a martyr about it, op.

But I'm about 38w pg myself so I do get how short your fuse is atm.

(And yep, still working!)

Well, no, we do ours around about 16 December and the kids would be in their school uniforms probably!

If I knew my partner wasn’t that bothered about Christmas I wouldn’t be upset about him not engaging on 3 Dec with Christmas decoration festivities. However “awful thing” is mean, and I wouldn’t be happy about him winding me up on purpose especially when pregnant. That’s not nice.

Honestly? No. We just wear whatever and there are no santa hats. I find all that stuff over the top along with the elf, Xmas eve boxes etc.

But your dh should be pulling his weight and not stressing you out about the presents. It will take him 5 mins to put the presents out so hardly an arduous task.

You dress up to decorate the tree??? Is that a thing ?

What did he do for Christmas as a child as a matter of interest?

Did he do trees and proper Christmas dinner? And if he did, was it his mother who did it?

If he had a proper Christmas facilitated by his mother, that's your problem right there: he's a sexist pig who thinks Christmas is for women to facilitate and it's beneath him to be arsed.

I don't think it is OTT to make a fun festive afternoon of decorating the tree with music and Xmas jumpers! 🎅🏼
I think your sadness is coming from the fact that he was bringing the vibe down and not interested in the family time.
It doesn't matter if he loves or loathes Christmas, it would be nice if he got involved and shown some interest instead of sorting through his paperwork. I'd have shared the same annoyance as you (also pregnant though 🤣)

I'd be more bothered about working a 12 hour shift at 9 months pregnant.

No, most people don't put decorations up this weekend. Christmas isn't for another 3 weeks! If my husband were trying to get me to be jolly and Christmassy this weekend, I'd be doing my paperwork too.

I'm also surprised that you have already bought all the children's presents and wrapped them and put them in named bags - but maybe some people are better organised than others.

No. Putting trees and decorations up this early was far less common years ago. many of us won’t do much until much closer to 25th.

Never heard of dressing up to decorate a tree either.

Of course, you should do what suits your but your husband sounds like a bit of an arse. Is he always such a misery? Good luck having another child with this miserable Twat. He needs to think of others occasionally, even if he isn’t a Christmas fan.

You could have already had the baby by Christmas Eve. I know it's possible you wouldn't be able to do much but you might be able to do some the little extras if you are home.

Husband sounds like a bit miserable but some people just aren't Christmassy people and it's still quite early?

I'd be more bothered about working the 12 hour shift knowing I couple drop any minute.

I don't do the elf stuff or Christmas eve boxes or anything like that.
We have always put the tree up on the first date In December we are all together for a day.
I'm just extra emotional about it this year I guess. Last year was very hard. I thought this year would be a bit better.
I realise I have high expectations. Which aren't totally reasonable.
I think with my parents gone and as an only child I feel this pressure to make traditions and make sure my children have wonderful memories. Its hard when your patents die and thetes no one who shares any of your memories.
The funny thing is part of my job is manning a mental health night crisis telephone line... which is what I'll be doing Christmas eve...
So I know full well how the pressures of Christmas can really exacerbate whatever is going on in someone's life at that time.
And I'm there giving out advice.... I cannot take my own advice tho clearly lmao!!

Err no... Just normal clothes

I have to be organised about it because of my working pattern. I don't want to be stressed last minute. And of course I'll be near my due date then... can't imagine trying to do Christmas shopping and planning in the week before. Just felt it was better to get it all sorted early.

Re Santa Claus, the magic is not that children believe he is literally real, but that their parents go to the effort of creating the magic.

And even if he can’t get to grips with that you are 8 months pregnant and it’s important to you.

@Fivepigeons I think that's understandable, that you want to keep traditions going. Also understandable that your husband wants a lower key christmas. The issue I have is with him being unkind about something that means a great deal to you. He doesn't have to do much for Christmas if he doesn't want to, but he should not be being nasty.

Can't you talk to him about it? Like, tell him how you're feeling and that you don't expect him to feel the same as you do about Xmas but that you need him to make an effort? That his dismissiveness is upsetting you?

Barely two sentences in and I can tell already that’s so rude of him!
Honestly, you don’t need to justify your feelings, rude is rude. I’d be upset!

I get it. I find Christmas emotionally difficult as it reminds me so much of my family who aren't around. What you said about not having anyone to share your Christmas memories really strikes a chord.My husband doesn't get as invested in Christmas as I do, his family are quite low key whereas my family were all about celebrating and Christmas traditions. We have compromised that I chill out and he gets a bit more excited but we have clashed in previous years.

And I had to work a 12 hour shift Christmas eve whilst 8 months pregnant. Not sure why people are getting so upright about it

Fair enough, OP. I was being a bit dense about you being very pregnant so needing to be organised! And I'm sorry that you're having a rough time.

@Merrymouse

Yes that's what I think. My 5yo definitely does still believe. My son is older and might not. But he hasn't admitted it to me.

My parents never let on santa wasn't real. Even as an adult if I spent Christmas at their house ever, they'd still do stockings. I knew santa wasn't real but I never said so because i knew it was just some fun we were having.
I want it to be the same for our kids.
**

Some people just hate christmas. Maybe your DH is one of those people.
Also, as you are 8 months pregnant, and by Christmas Eve will be almost 9, why dont you just start your mat leave on the 24th???