AIBU to Just keep DD off school until Xmas now !

[Ihatemondaymorning]

I know they won’t be impressed with my decision but I’m battling the thought of her being stuck in hospital over Xmas of keeping her safe at home 😩

back story - she is complex health needs but cognitively fine.
in the last 5 weeks she had been admitted for RSV followed by Influenza A followed by sepsis.
she has now been home for a week and I haven’t sent her back yet.
I keep putting it off and now I’m just like I will keep her home to avoid an admission before Xmas.
her bloods still have not fully recovered. There is 3 and a bit weeks left of term !
as soon as I’m feeling ready to send her back something pops up like measles outbreak etc
i feel like emailing and just be like she won’t be back until January.
she has a IV central line/ feeding tube etc
our drs would write a letter no issue they would rather her no go back at all 🙈
but the LA / school don’t always agree with the hospitals opinion !

Does she have a life limiting illness? Is quality of life the most important factor? If so and she wants to be off I’d keep her off and sod the school, they are bothered because of their stats/funding not your daughters best interests.

I'd keep her off too. They can arrange for her to learn at home.

as @celticprincess says, the LA (not the school!) have a duty to support children who cannot attend school for medical reasons. If they miss 15 days of school (or it is known that they are going to...) they have to arrange suitable education. This may be full time or part time, depending on what she can cope with. Full time for 1-1 is not actually full time either!

see https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/education-for-children-with-health-needs-who-cannot-attend-school

I would email school, linking this guidance, and ask them who you need to contact within the LA to facilitate this? This will also have the added benefit that they should then stop hassling you about attendance.....

Absolutely keep her off. I have a child who with medical issues which weakens his immune system and needs regular iv medication and I wouldn’t think twice. It sounds like your DD is much more medically complex than my DS so sod the school frankly! We have an incredibly understanding HT fortunately but your child’s health trumps attendance figures

Why does the LA not agree with the qualified medical professionals?
How bizarre.
If your daughter was an adult at a work place and had been this unwell, the doctor would sign her off sick and it would be illegal for the workplace to say they disagree !

Poor child, I teach and have never seen so many unwell children as this last week. Everything is going around.
COVID , RSV, norovirus, Chicken pox, Scarlet fever ..I have actually seen ALL of these recently. You're perfectly sensible to want to protect her after the horrible 5 weeks she's had.

I don't know her age bir assuming Year 3-6 here:
Suggestions for work at home:
Get a national theatre online sub and watch loads of amazing theatre / read up on the plays
All the David Attenborough documentaries, with subtitles on
Harry Potter audio books (these take a few years to get through but you can get started)
Card and board games
100 Best Poems for children anthology .. She should try reading the fun ones aloud.
The Lost Words children's book (expensive but truly beautiful).

Frankly I've worked in education for 26 years and can tell you that if you get through that list above, she'll be getting a very high standard of education over the next 2 weeks compared to other pupils in school.

Anyone who has said you're being unreasonable, clearly hasn't read your whole post! No one, not even the education authority can argue with the hospital, and if they're saying she should be kept home, then that's what she needs right now. I would definitely be keeping her home, until the hospital says she is ready to return to school. At the end of the day, her health is far more important than her education right now, schooling can gradually be caught up with, and she can get a homeworking pack from the school, just like many other long term poorly kids do! I hope she feels better soon, big hugs and love to you both 🌹🫂

As a mum of an extremely complex child. I think she should go to school.

Enjoying, school and socialising with peers is immensely important.
She may catch something, but she may not!

Staying at home is no life !

I want my boy to enjoy every minute of his short life

Poor thing. Her immune system will be compromised after all that illness so I’d absolutely keep her home and ask her teacher to send home a little bit of work for her so she won’t fall behind.

Sorry update - I have decided to keep her off school, emailed and the school are happy and aware of the multiple illnesses going around. It’s not that she has complex disabilities it’s that she has complex health.
her vulnerability health wise for example her longest hospital admission was just under 2 years without going home.

To the question about CRP- her CRP doesn’t respond very well she has to be completely septic for it to reach even 10 🙈
its her wbc and platelets that suffers

I am so pleased to read your update. In reality, this was the only sensible decision and I am pleased that the school are on board with it. Your daughter will now be able to recuperate and get stronger at home in the warmth. I hope she will have a very happy birthday and that you are all able to enjoy Christmas. Here’s hoping that the new year will be much healthier for your daughter.

She wants to stay home, drs want her to stay home, you want her to stay home... So screw the LA they just want their attendance figures. If her bloods arent 100% absolutely dont send her back and even if they were i'd be wanting them to be 100% and stable for a good few weeks before sending her into the germ war zone that is school in winter.

School isnt more important than health so keep her tucked up, wrapped up and cozy. If school are worried she's falling behind they can sort out catch up work to do at home.

When she’s off school obviously not in hospital, do you take her out to shops and other places?

@Bertiesmum3 do we leave the house ? Yep we do
but after 5 years of schooling she catches far more when at school than any other time.

Honestly it sounds like you're doing all the right things. I'm glad the school aren't pushing back at you. You're protecting your daughter's health, her education is being maintained through the tutor sessions - that's a win/win.

It's not just the celebration aspect of this time of year, there's also the fact that hospitals are absolutely battered at this time of year too. Getting a bed is considered a miracle as is not catching another virus normally norovirus whilst in hospital.

Hope your daughter stays well and has a lovely Christmas and birthday.

@LittleLegsKeepGoing that’s exactly what happened 🙈caught rsv from school …. Influenza in the hospital whilst being treated for the RSV and then sepsis because she was down already.
people will always be like well are you not going to leave the house
I can honestly say going to school is a diff ball game every year lol

So you’ll all still be mixing with people when out and about!!
so still in contact with germs and viruses

As a teacher, I would agree. We see loads of children in school who are too ill to be there but parents need to work. In your situation having all those bugs around is putting your daughter in a vulnerable situation. With my health issues I keep coming down with bugs too and I'm so miserable at the moment. Keeping her off so you can have a Christmas at home without illness sounds reasonable to me. I would send work home if I was her teacher.

@Bertiesmum3 in the 5 years no at school Vs at school despite leaving the house she caught far less than since going to school. There is a large difference between walking past someone on the street with a virus than sitting next to one a classroom for 6 hours.

I'm a Safeguarding Lead in a school, with responsibility for monitoring attendance.
If we have a letter from a Consultant saying that a child is medically unfit to attend school we accept it without question, as will our LA. If they were well enough we would send work home (but only if they felt up to it) or, depending on how long they are likely to be off for, arrange online tutoring.

Why do people try and compare passing someone in the supermarket or street to sitting in a room (probably poorly ventilated) with people for multiple hours a day?

it’s not a gotcha. It’s just silly.

@Bertiesmum3

So you’ll all still be mixing with people when out and about!!
so still in contact with germs and viruses

You ignored the part where OP said her DD catches more in school than anywhere else.

You also made yourself look ridiculous.

Imagine trying to 'catch out' the parent of a sick child. Embarrassing.

Hardly!!
🤣🤣
I’ve got a child who’s got an illness and she catches things really easily, she’s got a weakened immune system, and if she’s been off school and we’ve taken her out she’ll still catch something, so yes we’re very careful where we take her, at least at school we know who she’s mixing with, out and about we don’t know who’s got what!!!