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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to Just keep DD off school until Xmas now !

150 replies

Ihatemondaymorning · 03/12/2023 19:21

I know they won’t be impressed with my decision but I’m battling the thought of her being stuck in hospital over Xmas of keeping her safe at home 😩

back story - she is complex health needs but cognitively fine.
in the last 5 weeks she had been admitted for RSV followed by Influenza A followed by sepsis.
she has now been home for a week and I haven’t sent her back yet.
I keep putting it off and now I’m just like I will keep her home to avoid an admission before Xmas.
her bloods still have not fully recovered. There is 3 and a bit weeks left of term !
as soon as I’m feeling ready to send her back something pops up like measles outbreak etc
i feel like emailing and just be like she won’t be back until January.
she has a IV central line/ feeding tube etc
our drs would write a letter no issue they would rather her no go back at all 🙈
but the LA / school don’t always agree with the hospitals opinion !

OP posts:
Anisette · 03/12/2023 21:13

Keep her off. After all that, she will need more than a week's convalescence.

If it's the case that your school/local authority think they know better than medics, they are being very very silly. They must know perfectly well that if they tried that argument as part of an attendance prosecution they would be laughed out of court.

Autumnleaves89 · 03/12/2023 21:15

Can you home school her until then? I understand your concerns completely but I’d be concerned about her missing almost three weeks of lessons.
how old is she?
if you can help her keep up to speed with her work at home then I’d keep her off.

Agii · 03/12/2023 21:19

Keep her off, if she is happy to'
School doesn't own your child, you do, and you know what's better for her. Staying healthy is more important, will give time to recover and be stronger for the new term x

Epidote · 03/12/2023 21:21

I open the thread thinking you were one of those lazy cows and after reading I suck up my thoughts and I have to tell you that you are perfectly reasonable and you should speak with the school about it, they may give you some work to do at home. It is your daughter health you are doing ok expressing a big concern about it.

smilesup · 03/12/2023 21:28

How old is she? Outside of GCSE/alevels I would 100% keep her off. Even then I would get the work and help her through it.

Nowherenew · 03/12/2023 21:35

I’ve voted YABU simply because I don’t think saying now that you’ll keep her off for the next 2/3 weeks is a good idea.

Why not just go with the flow?

Keep her off for the next few days and see how she feels.

If she’s feeling better and wants to go back in before they break up, then let her.

If she’s feel poorly still, then keep her off.

No child who is unwell should be going to school but you can’t keep them off just in case they get an illness, because there are always illnesses going round.

Mulhollandmagoo · 03/12/2023 21:35

To be honest OP, I don't think there is much active learning going on in most schools now, it's all Christmas stuff. If she's not bothered about it then keep her off. She still needs another week/10 days to recover enough to go back anyway I'd say, by which point it will be pretty much the Christmas holidays.

ElleLeopine · 03/12/2023 21:37

How old is she?

Original poster
Ihatemondaymorning · 03/12/2023 21:37

@Nowherenew she is defo miles better my worry is her catching something else over and over again.

thanks guys ! Merry Xmas to you all.

OP posts:
keye · 03/12/2023 21:37

curaçao · 03/12/2023 20:06

won't she miss out on a lot of nice christmassy things though, and become isolated from her friendship group?

🙄🙄🙄

Original poster
Ihatemondaymorning · 03/12/2023 21:37

She’s 10.

OP posts:
keye · 03/12/2023 21:38

I would keep her off for sure, she has had a rough ride recently, isn't fully recovered and will benefit much more from that time at home.

Dragonbed · 03/12/2023 21:39

I’d keep her off but do some work at home.
She’ll be bored otherwise and it will make it harder to go back after Christmas if she’s had 5 ish weeks of doing nothing

Teaandtoast12 · 03/12/2023 21:45

I would agree keeping her off I’d probably the best option but I would also be mindful of the social side of it and just make sure she is okay with it and if there is anyway she can keep in contact with some of her friends even if it’s in the evenings/ virtual etc

Dogknowsbest · 03/12/2023 21:47

It's 2.5 weeks not 3 and the last week will just be fun stuff. I would keep her off until her bloods are normal.

She might want to go in for the last few days and if she's actually well enough let her go. Having so much time off will make it quite hard to go back in January so if she has a few days back at the end of term (particularly if they're not stressful) might be beneficial.

Dontbehorridhenry · 03/12/2023 21:54

I'd keep her off the next week but review every few days, and do some work at home later on/when ready. You're obviously not ready to send her back, and it doesn't sound like you think she is ready yet and who can blame you the rough time you've had lately.

Don't feel bad about it, I've had children as inpatients and you just want to wrap them in cotton wool after, she needs to recover and so do you, the stress and lack of sleep is unbearable and the thought of them being exposed to more bugs and it happening all again is so stressful.

I asked for my DS to go back on a reduced time table/half days for a week, less time exposed to bugs but made the proper return easier.

triballeader · 03/12/2023 21:56

In honesty, keep her off but get a covering letter from her doctors so she is signed off sick and speak with the school nurses about a phased return in the new year.

School nurses went above and beyond to sort all this with the school and LEA when my youngest DD was off for 12 weeks due to a nasty RTA and then under oncology for benign bone tumours. She started back on one hour a day and slowly added in over the next nine months as her mobility and health improved.

Nurse1980 · 03/12/2023 21:56

My 3 (primary age) have been ill constantly with various bugs the past couple of months.
Every week one of them is poorly.
I would keep her off.

DNLove · 03/12/2023 22:04

If you can get a letter from doctor to excuse her and are willing to do some home schooling with her then absolutely keep her home. You don't need to do 7 hours a day but you do need to do something with her so she doesn't fall too far behind. Educational stuff disguised as fun! Some Reading she'll enjoy, some puzzle books, teach her suduko, even games of monopoly, etc But last 2 weeks are generally arts, crafts, singing etc.
Also to consider how will her mental health be missing out on the festivities in school, if she's OK off you go!

Nowherenew · 03/12/2023 22:07

School, especially primary school, is very fun the last week in the run up to Christmas.

If she’s feeling better by then then I’d let her go in but I’d play it by ear until then.

I understand your worry about her being poorly over Christmas.

I guess I’d weigh up whether she is an only child/no close siblings or family members and would enjoy seeing all of her friends and joining in the activities with her peers or whether she has lots of activities planned over Christmas with kids her age and would enjoy doing these more and whether it’s worse risking her getting poorly.

Paul2023 · 03/12/2023 22:08

Don’t understand how a school
can disagree with a hospital ?

Ap42 · 03/12/2023 22:08

I think it depends. Are the feeding tube and central line long-term as a result of her already complex health needs?
When my son was recovering from pneumonia following discharge from hospital he went to school for few hours a day. Obviously sepsis is a whole other level, and I'm not suggesting she rush back.
If her health needs are chronic and you allow her to have the rest of term off, she may expect it everytime. I understand the need for balance, maybe let her have this week off and send her in for an hour or so in the last week before term ends?
Ultimately you know your child best though, so whatever feels right for her health is always the best decision. Hope she gets well soon

kitsuneghost · 03/12/2023 22:14

Sorry I disagree. It is nearly a month of education she would be missing. For what? To ensure she is well enough for Xmas?

Xmas isn't a big enough deal for that. You can open presents and have the dinner another time if she is unfortunate enough to get ill on that exact date.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 03/12/2023 22:15

Paul2023 · 03/12/2023 22:08

Don’t understand how a school
can disagree with a hospital ?

It’s quite a regular occurrence.

Attendance figure pressure mean many schools err on the side of “if they’re home from hospital they’re fine to come to school” and will pressure parents to send them.

hsapposhit · 03/12/2023 22:15

but the LA / school don’t always agree with the hospitals opinion

This sort of thing really pisses me off. They aren't doctors. They are teachers and LA employees. They don't get to disagree with the hospital. If the hospital says she should be off school then she should be off school and that should be the end of it.

I would keep her off OP. Maybe do a bit of school work and reading if she is feeling up to it.
I had 6 weeks off with pneumonia at her age. I remember doing work in the last couple of weeks before I went back. The first 4 weeks I was pretty much out of it, including hallucinations.