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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to Just keep DD off school until Xmas now !

150 replies

Ihatemondaymorning · 03/12/2023 19:21

I know they won’t be impressed with my decision but I’m battling the thought of her being stuck in hospital over Xmas of keeping her safe at home 😩

back story - she is complex health needs but cognitively fine.
in the last 5 weeks she had been admitted for RSV followed by Influenza A followed by sepsis.
she has now been home for a week and I haven’t sent her back yet.
I keep putting it off and now I’m just like I will keep her home to avoid an admission before Xmas.
her bloods still have not fully recovered. There is 3 and a bit weeks left of term !
as soon as I’m feeling ready to send her back something pops up like measles outbreak etc
i feel like emailing and just be like she won’t be back until January.
she has a IV central line/ feeding tube etc
our drs would write a letter no issue they would rather her no go back at all 🙈
but the LA / school don’t always agree with the hospitals opinion !

OP posts:
dothehokeycokey · 03/12/2023 20:17

My dc don't have any complex issues however when they were younger I used to feel like that in the long term between October half term and Xmas because they would pick up and bring home every single big going and generally have a really shite couple of months.

DragonFly98 · 03/12/2023 20:19

Definitely keep her off.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/12/2023 20:19

HomiesAlone · 03/12/2023 20:04

Won't she miss all the Christmassy fun if she's Little? However, no judgment if you prefer tk keep her home and home ed. Sounds really tough for her and you. Have a Merry Christmas.

Not as much as she will miss if she in hospital on Xmas day, away from home and family. If you asked her, which do you think she would choose?

elliejjtiny · 03/12/2023 20:21

I would keep her off. I've had sepsis and it's nasty. I wasn't properly well for at least 3 months afterwards.

RaisinsOfMildAnnoyance · 03/12/2023 20:23

No way are you being unreasonable. She sounds like she needs the time to get properly well again. I hope you can take some time for yourself this month, too though? It must have been really scary and stressful to cope with your child's illness, make sure you look after yourself also.

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 03/12/2023 20:24

Keep off. My son has a cardiac problem and last Christmas I kept him off for a week when strep was rife.

Anewuser · 03/12/2023 20:26

100% keep her off.

We were where you are a year ago - sepsis, influenza, pneumonia. Took weeks to recover properly.

I’m sure it’s 2 and a bit not 3 and a bit left.

I hope she gets well soon.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2023 20:29

How old is she?

I'd keep her off frankly but I'd school her (I assume you or Dad are home). So depending on her age she'd have to do some maths every day, some writing, over the week some reading about the school topics etc.

MintyCedric · 03/12/2023 20:35

I can totally understand why you would want to keep her home and from a physical health POV definitely think you’re doing the right the thing,

However…

…you say that she would always choose not to be at school, and by letting her have a completely free pass for the next couple of weeks I’d be concerned it will impact her mental health and ability to return after the Christmas break.

Obviously her health needs are paramount and you’re in the best position to make a judgement call on that front. If she’s in years R - 5, I’d be inclined to crack on. From Year 6 onwards I’d perhaps ask the school if she could register at least once a day in order to get her attendance mark and collect work, just to maintain some routine and contact.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 03/12/2023 20:37

Health comes first. Work on basics at home but most importantly build her self esteem.

CatsCocktailsCareers · 03/12/2023 20:38

She needs time to rest and recover. The teacher can always send her work to do at home.

UnpalatableButTrue · 03/12/2023 20:48

Crooklodge · 03/12/2023 20:07

Omg, kindle has autocorrect handwashing for brainwashing 😂i swear this thing fecking hates me.

Auto correct was spot on with brainwashing.

Be that as it may, the masses seemed to think it was fine for children not to go to school for months on end during peak Covid hysteria, so I'd say nobody could object to a child having a couple of weeks off when she has been so ill (especially given that she doesn't mind missing school).

LolaSmiles · 03/12/2023 20:52

Keep her off and speak to school about them making arrangements with the LA for medical alternative provision. The LA have a duty to educate children who can't attend school for medical reasons.
They don't always want to offer it, but it is their duty.

Mummyme87 · 03/12/2023 20:52

I would probably keep her off, although she will miss the Christmas stuff at school which I remember being gutted about when I had mumps as a child. But health is more important obvs.

just as a side note, it’s less than 3weeks of term left surely? 3weeks today is Xmas eve

StaunchMomma · 03/12/2023 20:54

There's so much going around, OP. I think it's absolutely reasonable to keep her home for a few weeks after everything she's been through.

I'm sure the school will understand that she is especially vulnerable to infection post sepsis BUT it may well be that you'll get a bit of kickback, purely from an attendance percentage perspective. Schools are under a lot of pressure re attendance right now.

Get the GP to write that letter. They can't argue against it.

empee47 · 03/12/2023 20:55

No, not unreasonable at all. Keep her at home until January then reassess.

DisquietintheRanks · 03/12/2023 20:57

How old is she? If Y10-13 then I think she should go back. The younger she is, the more likely I'd be to keep her home.

Zanatdy · 03/12/2023 20:58

Yes, let her recover, weathers horrible and won’t help being around more illness when her immune system is still recovering

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 03/12/2023 20:58

I’d keep her home.

I’m keeping my youngest home until after Christmas as there is just a plethora of horrible bugs, as well as chicken pox, doing the rounds in her school. She’s been hospitalised 8 times this year and that’s a record good year for her.

Her school, a SEN school, is very understanding with parents. The HT feels the children miss out on enough with their health and conditions. (She’s also currently in a stand off with the LA about staff with covid). It’s a shame that more schools aren’t more supportive - and that HTs feel under so much pressure about attendance that some feel they can’t be.

School opinion doesn’t trump medical advice.

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 03/12/2023 21:00

"the LA / school don’t always agree with the hospitals opinion"

The LA have no place arguing with the hospitals decision.

Keep her off and get work sent home.

Fightarealfire · 03/12/2023 21:03

Keep her at home. The poor thing must be exhausted for one thing, and you all deserve to have a lovely Christmas without any more sickness if you can manage it.

Original poster
Ihatemondaymorning · 03/12/2023 21:05

@Mummyme87 oh maybe 2 and half weeks 😂😂 which makes me feel better !

OP posts:
CatsCocktailsCareers · 03/12/2023 21:06

The doctors advice trumps LA policy. The local authority aren't medical experts.

gotomomo · 03/12/2023 21:08

Are you willing and capable of home schooling her, if so then get the note and ask for work from school as to what they are covering. If she's year 8 or over then you would be wise to get more advice on school because by that age they can't always catch up

WimbyAce · 03/12/2023 21:09

Under 2 weeks here but I guess it depends where you live. Another vote to keep her off!