AIBU to Just keep DD off school until Xmas now !

[Ihatemondaymorning]

I know they won’t be impressed with my decision but I’m battling the thought of her being stuck in hospital over Xmas of keeping her safe at home 😩

back story - she is complex health needs but cognitively fine.
in the last 5 weeks she had been admitted for RSV followed by Influenza A followed by sepsis.
she has now been home for a week and I haven’t sent her back yet.
I keep putting it off and now I’m just like I will keep her home to avoid an admission before Xmas.
her bloods still have not fully recovered. There is 3 and a bit weeks left of term !
as soon as I’m feeling ready to send her back something pops up like measles outbreak etc
i feel like emailing and just be like she won’t be back until January.
she has a IV central line/ feeding tube etc
our drs would write a letter no issue they would rather her no go back at all 🙈
but the LA / school don’t always agree with the hospitals opinion !

Honestly keep her off, her immune system will have in no way recovered yet from Sepsis. The rest of her body needs time to recover too. She needs rest. There isn't as much focus on learning at this point in the term anyway, I am sure she will keep up with that in her 1:1 time. Get the GP to write a sick note in support to cover any issues with the school/LA.

Schools are horrendous in the run up to Christmas they are absolute germ soups, especially now there isn't the emphasis on handwashing etc. Every single year we all get ill multiple times and have to cancel things and we have relatively normal immunity. I know this about the kids because I asked my GP one particularly bad year when they were ill multiple times and their attendance was low and we were called into school and he gave a big sigh and said their pattern of disease was completely within the normal range and the attendance targets are just not achievable for the range of what is normal for kids.

Many schools actively encourage sick children to come to school. I've been told multiple times to 'dose them up with calpol'. Older DD, now at secondary, has been told to come in when sick.

Keep her at home, especially if that's where she wants to be and ensure the LA and school are providing her with appropriate learning materials as is their obligation.

I'm sure she has some friends she may like to socialise with - there is more chance she'll be able to do fun things over Christmas with her real friends if she doesn't get ill from being forced to sit next to a snotty child she barely knows in class.

I’d absolutely keep her off. Sounds like she’s been through a lot recently already.

Keep her off, she needs to recover.

You’re “ that” parent.

There is always one.

Sorry just catching up
I know Xmas night not be the end all but her birthday is also the same week.
she if she catches one fever even it’s just a cold she can’t go home until 24 hours after last fever so it’s not as simple as get ill on that exact day - she is admitted for everything.
in terms of can’t be that dangerous if any other time is ok - it isn’t, we have weighed it up for many years and the balance is extremely difficult - she has had varying level of sepsis severity over the years.
she wants her birthday and celebrate Xmas like everyone else so yes it is an additional element right now - will not deny it.

Keep her off OP and let her recover without being continuously exposed to whatever cocktail of crap is going around school at the moment. Hope you both get some reprieve and she has a lovely birthday and Christmas.

You're her Mum, you know best

Hey OP, I would absolutely keep your DD at home until after Christmas. As PP have said, schools encourage children to be brought into school almost no matter what because they have targets to meet around attendance (I was a school governor).

However, in your position, I would also be questioning the longer term plans. If the consultant has suggested to you that school might not be the best option for your DD, I would take that seriously.

Our circumstances are very different to yours. I have twins, DS and DD, and they're both autistic. DS has high needs and won't ever be independent. DD is 50/50 - I'm not sure whether she'll ever be able to work (she has associated conditions which make processing and speech difficult).

Both DS and DD were in school until COVID lockdown. DS was in a special unit. DD was starting to fail in mainstream but would have had to continue to secondary school in mainstream and had to fail on a much more dramatic scale for the LA to consider any kind of alternative provision. Autistic girls tend to fly under the radar, even after diagnosis.

Anyway, a very long story short - they were like different children during lockdown. With the difficulties of school removed, they really blossomed. It brought it home to me how hard school was for them, just to get through every day, and how much effort it was taking for very little long-term benefit.

So they never returned. They were in Y5 when lockdown started and we've home educated ever since. And it was the best decision I ever made. They are so much happier, calmer, and more resilient - as it's not taking all their energy just to cope with a difficult environment, they're able to learn much more effectively.

If your DD is happy to be home educated, and you think you can manage, I would be very tempted to try. If your DD's consultant is suggesting that the risk and impact on your DD is simply not worth it, I think I'd be seeing how I could make the life change.

I never dreamt I would home educate but it's been a wonderful change for us as a family, and made my DC"s quality of life so much better.

what lots of people don't get is that a simple cold for anyone else can be life threatening for children with complex needs esp if they have respiratory issues. Our child barely attends his ( special ) school because there is constant illness doing the rounds and we just can't risk.it.
it is a constant debate between us as parents because we feel sad he is missing out on school but at the end of the day we have to keep him safe.

So you missed all the stuff about how the child was hospitalized with sepsis until a week ago, her blood levels aren't back to normal yet and the hospital said she shouldn't go back to school yet?

I dont think anyone would suggest that you go against medical opinion.But deciding NOW that she wont be in for a further 3+ weeks seems a little overprotective.Why dont you play it by ear?

Influenza A plus sepsis is 6-8 weeks at home, resting. Even further, her blood work is still not back to normal, which means she is not yet on the mend.

Keep your daughter home and if the school asks, send them the discharge papers from the hospital.

The school system in the UK seems abhorrent to kids with medical issues. Do you have a good GP or paediatrician?

You need to get in touch with your LA’s virtual school or the relevant department that can sort out EOTAS provision. This is education other than at school for those deemed medically unfit to attend school. It needs signing off by a consultant level medic ideally but some may accept a GP sign off. It’s often used for those who can’t attend school on mental health grounds but definitely applies to situations such as your daughter’s. You often have to fight for these things but the school have a duty to provide your child with learning if they are deemed unfit for school. The virtual school in our area also contracts our the hospital schools work as well so that those in hospital long term are visited by tutors. When home they can receive tuition in person at home, at another venue that you’d seem safe or possibly even via a virtual tutor.

I work in a school with young people with complex medical needs but they also have learning disabilities. They’re all 1:1 and small classes and staff would be wearing appropriate PPE or moved out of the classroom of the staff were considered having a cold/flu type thing that could pass on. Some parents keep their children home a lot due to this but many still come in but only because the environment is safer. Mainstream schools wouldn’t be safer

I have multiple long term health issues. 4 years ago I was admitted with Influenza A and pneumonia, I went back.to work after 3 weeks because I felt guilty, I went to let my line manager know I was back and she said "do you think you are well enough to be back, because I don't" . Keep her home and lower the risk.of her being ill over Christmas

Def keep her at home from everything you've said.

I deal with school attendance, if she was in our school we would say yes, better that she’s well, school staff are not medically trained, if hospital support you - that’s it.

keep her home it wont be so bad because when she goes back so will everyone else so they will all be in the same boat happy xmas to yous 🥰🥰🥰xxx

Keep her off. Health comes first. NOTHING can replace health xxx

Better to keep her off now and survive to see more christmases than potentially end up back in hospital with more life threatening illnesses. Yes she might miss all the Christmas fun this year, but it’s better than no more christmases at all.

Teacher here and I would agree keep her off and with complex needs I would have no problem with sending her some worksheets of stuff we had already covered to do at home just to keep her hand in if you/she wanted it. LA/trust may kick up a fuss, but to hell with them. Maybe try a phased return in Jan in case it’s too much for her after an extended period off though.

You should definitely prioritise her health and trust your instincts. In winter schools are rife with flu and colds that could put her at risk. Whilst education is important, health is always the priority.

Sorry to sound cynical, but the LA want her in school because presumably if she's too ill to attend a school setting, they need to offer alternative provision which is more expensive? I'd be following the consultant recommendation, for sure, particularly as your daughter prefers to stay home.

This 👍

You say shes not recovered whats her CRP like? We home school for similar reasons (fully funded by the LA via EOTAS) tho my little one has recently had the centre line removed there is hope at the end of the rainbow that its gets easier xxx Honestly my son had Sepsis and I didn't let him near crowds for months due to it being RSV season when we finally got home because I just wasn't risking it. Your mum, you know whats best, you literally have to live this every day so if your decision is to stay at home the medical team will support you. If you don't want to annoy school to much go week by week and let them know when she is well enough for it.