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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging about this school scheme?

260 replies

Promdiddlyontomtom · 03/12/2023 17:01

Hi, name changed as potentially very outing.

Have found out recently that my daughter's school has introduced a 'Points for Prom' incentive newest low.

The school get good results.

The demographic has some challenges and therefore they have a VERY strict regime and the kids are controlled with strict policies and sanctions (and a little praise- the balance is well out). The kids get detention if they don't get 100% in HW for example.

This is, IMO, the lowest they have gone.

Their newest bright idea- the young people have to earn 'behaviour points' to be in with a chance to get a ticket for their Y11 prom.

Apparently there's not enough spaces for all pupils (they only have spaces for 2/3 of the pupils... so find a bigger venue then!)

This is not an incentive and should not be used as a reward for 'good behaviour'.

Surely this is just a control tactic. A punishment for not toeing the line.

AIBU to think that all teens should get the opportunity to go to the end of school celebration? It draws the line after 12 years of compulsory education, a stressful period of formal exams, and friendships going in different directions (there's no sixth form). It marks the end of an era. Why should they be told they cannot go? Why shouldn't they be able to mark the end of years of education - for some this may have been a struggle all the way through- with their friends. There'll be no closure.

For the record, I've no concerns that my daughter will be excluded. I just think it's an awful idea.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Jinglingallthewaytochristmas · 03/12/2023 17:02

That’s awful. I’ve only know a few kids to be excluded from prom over the years and that was for assaults.

OhmygodDont · 03/12/2023 17:02

Sounds like a pretty shit school with a terrible leadership team.

movehimintothesun · 03/12/2023 17:03

YANBU. That's a truly awful idea, and makes me quite sad tbh.

GloomySkies · 03/12/2023 17:03

It's disgusting and I would be encouraging a mass boycott.

BippityBopper · 03/12/2023 17:03

I think, if behaviour is absolutely terrible, that person shouldn't get to go to prom.

But there should definitely be enough space for everyone. What you've described is very cruel. Can you not speak to school governors about it?

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 17:05

there should be space for everyone, obviously, and the possibility of being excluded for a serious offence, drugs, violence

but on the other hand, I doubt 2/3 of students will want to go

Summermeadowflowers · 03/12/2023 17:06

The only part of this I have an issue with is there not being enough tickets. Clearly that sets some students up to fail.

I am not normally a fan of draconian behaviour policies but I actually don’t have an issue with the rest to be honest.

Ilovelurchers · 03/12/2023 17:07

I presume the teachers organise the prom? And give up their evening unpaid to supervise it? f so they have a right to extend it only to the kids they wish to, who they believe will behave well and not create any problems for them on the night.

You should organise an alternate one with some other parents if you don't like the one they have organised. It would be hard work, but you could then invite whoever you liked.

Lougle · 03/12/2023 17:08

They do this at my DD's school. Part of the points system is that they have to attend two after school revision sessions per week to be able to get enough points. Lots of the children live in an area where they have a dedicated school bus that leaves at 3.05pm, so that makes things tricky.

TooBored1 · 03/12/2023 17:09

It's awful. I really hate the way they try and control the children by withdrawing rite of passage activities like this. Worst case was a school in our area that required 100% attendance, no exceptions. Not even for car accident/death of parent. Poor poor child wasn't allowed to go to prom as she'd been hospitalised and then went to her mum's funeral.

LuvSmallDogs · 03/12/2023 17:10

So if the kids are absolutely perfect, they get the chance to blow mum and dad's money on dresses/tuxes and luxury cars (apparently it's the done thing here to hire a sexy car to drop you off)?

Nah, at this point parents should get together and either rent a venue or figure out who has the biggest house and chip in on food and drink etc.

SwedeCaroline · 03/12/2023 17:12

TooBored1 · 03/12/2023 17:09

It's awful. I really hate the way they try and control the children by withdrawing rite of passage activities like this. Worst case was a school in our area that required 100% attendance, no exceptions. Not even for car accident/death of parent. Poor poor child wasn't allowed to go to prom as she'd been hospitalised and then went to her mum's funeral.

its not really a right of passage, though, is it? And parents can organise an alternative one if they want

PinkiOcelot · 03/12/2023 17:13

DDs school had merit points for prom but as far as I’m aware the venue was big enough for everyone.

That seems ridiculous.

Teacherontherun · 03/12/2023 17:13

I have no problem with the points process, its quite common in schools to have a rewards system like this, with ours though EVERYONE starts with enough points for prom, they then have to keep the points by not getting detentions etc. It's so so frustrating as a teacher to have to go to prom ( which we have to pay for ourselves) with kids who have been violent, disrespectful, disruptive etc. The nice, middle of the road kids deserve a chance the celebrate without the kids who have, in some cases, made life unbearable. No, prom isn't a right of passage, it's a school event ran by staff who are already on their knees and entitled pupils who think they have a " right" to this are wring.

Mstxxx · 03/12/2023 17:13

My school had this exact same 'scheme', over 10 years ago now. Conveniently, I was the only one out of the whole year who wasn't allowed to go to my prom.

poetryandwine · 03/12/2023 17:13

If the prom requires great expense ob the part of families I am ambivalent about it, particularly in times of hardship. But this policy is awful.

Multipleexclamationmarks · 03/12/2023 17:14

Same at my kids school.

They've just got "requires improvement " from ofsted
Yep.

autienotnaughty · 03/12/2023 17:15

Appalling, so if a child is struggling academically due for example to issues at home or mh. They will be punished by no prom. Disabled child needing time off. ND child struggling to manage their environment.

It basically penalises anyone who doesn't or is unable to conform. Regardless of reason

AlltheFs · 03/12/2023 17:15

And you picked this school because?????

It’s not an approach I would like. But at the same time “Prom” is an absolute load of tosh.

tsmainsqueeze · 03/12/2023 17:16

Very bad ,why on earth book a venue that is too small ?
I really hate these petty mean ideas that are carried out in some schools ,bad behaviour issues aside i can't understand why a school would make a plan that excludes a percentage of decent kids through no fault of their own.
As someone said the prom is a closure to compulsory education why would a school cause disappointment for them at such an important time in their young lives , the cusp of adulthood.
I'm not one for causing a fuss at school but i would be over this .

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:17

It's crap. I hate reading about schools that do this type of thing.
I have read of several groups of teens (and their parents) who get together and organise Alternative Proms (sometimes getting together with teens from different schools) - hiring a local community centre etc.
Perhaps all the Year 11s at your child's school should do that and then the school will wonder why no one turns up at their one.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/12/2023 17:17

It's not great. But it might be worth thinking about how desperate schools must be to improve behaviour that they are willing to resort to things like this. I definitely disagree with not even having enough places for all, but I very much agree with excluding students from prom if their behaviour has been very poor.

Multipleexclamationmarks · 03/12/2023 17:18

AlltheFs · Today 17:15

And you picked this school because?????

Schools change over 5 years you know! My dds was outstanding when she started, new head, high staff turn over its gone downhill. I expect the op's is the same.

Brefugee · 03/12/2023 17:19

So what are they going to do if they all get enough points? or are they going to ensure that only 2/3 of the kids are in with a chance?

LarkspurLane · 03/12/2023 17:20

AlltheFs · 03/12/2023 17:15

And you picked this school because?????

It’s not an approach I would like. But at the same time “Prom” is an absolute load of tosh.

Prom points did not even enter my head when choosing a school in Y7.

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