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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging about this school scheme?

260 replies

Promdiddlyontomtom · 03/12/2023 17:01

Hi, name changed as potentially very outing.

Have found out recently that my daughter's school has introduced a 'Points for Prom' incentive newest low.

The school get good results.

The demographic has some challenges and therefore they have a VERY strict regime and the kids are controlled with strict policies and sanctions (and a little praise- the balance is well out). The kids get detention if they don't get 100% in HW for example.

This is, IMO, the lowest they have gone.

Their newest bright idea- the young people have to earn 'behaviour points' to be in with a chance to get a ticket for their Y11 prom.

Apparently there's not enough spaces for all pupils (they only have spaces for 2/3 of the pupils... so find a bigger venue then!)

This is not an incentive and should not be used as a reward for 'good behaviour'.

Surely this is just a control tactic. A punishment for not toeing the line.

AIBU to think that all teens should get the opportunity to go to the end of school celebration? It draws the line after 12 years of compulsory education, a stressful period of formal exams, and friendships going in different directions (there's no sixth form). It marks the end of an era. Why should they be told they cannot go? Why shouldn't they be able to mark the end of years of education - for some this may have been a struggle all the way through- with their friends. There'll be no closure.

For the record, I've no concerns that my daughter will be excluded. I just think it's an awful idea.

What do you think?

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 03/12/2023 17:59

The issue here is that there isn't enough tickets for everyone which means that they are setting up some children to fail.

Generally, I don't have an issue with it.

DragonFly98 · 03/12/2023 17:59

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:24

Absolutely nothing wrong with it, my own school does ‘passport to prom’. If you truant, vape, don’t do your work, behave disrespectfully etc .. then you don’t get to go - tough shit
It’s a privilege not an entitlement

Edited

By etc you mean have a disability.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/12/2023 18:00

No. But the expectation should be that if all kids behave they can attend. They are assuming in advance that kids will misbehave and won’t be able to come. That’s crap and expecting the worst of the pupils.

To be fair, in the average school, the idea that all students will get through Y11 without any major misbehaviour is a pretty unimaginable, albeit very lovely notion.

Shakeylegs · 03/12/2023 18:00

Find me the school that explicitly rules out having a prom in the first place. I’m signing the kids up tomorrow.

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 18:00

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew in that particular case (the 5k damage) I (if I was the school head) would have told the parents "tough luck" if they complained.
Were they sent the bill for the damage?

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 18:00

DragonFly98 · 03/12/2023 17:59

By etc you mean have a disability.

Show quote history

Where did you get that from ?????

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 18:01

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 18:00

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew in that particular case (the 5k damage) I (if I was the school head) would have told the parents "tough luck" if they complained.
Were they sent the bill for the damage?

They refused to pay, said it was school’s fault

ChocolateCinderToffee · 03/12/2023 18:02

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:55

And in the real world you behave like a twat you’ll lose your job, please feel free to offer to supervise

Show quote history

You seem nice.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/12/2023 18:02

By etc you mean have a disability.

What??!! Why on earth would you think that poster's 'etc' meant that? What a strange reaction.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 18:04

ChocolateCinderToffee · 03/12/2023 18:02

You seem nice.

Show quote history

I seem realistic

ChishiyaBat · 03/12/2023 18:05

My son's school are doing this too, he's not interested in going, good job really as he has no chance due to frequent hospital appointments. They have to have 93% attendance or above, as well as do an extra curricular activity and earn behaviour points!

Xtraincome · 03/12/2023 18:06

I would be fine with this. The teachers will be doing it all at absolutely no benefit to them so it should at least be manageable. Prom isn't some sort of right the kids have. They are welcome to have a piss up of a leavers do of their own if they want!

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 18:06

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew that does sound a horrible situation.
I 100% agree with you that a teen who does something like that shouldn't be allowed to attend prom.
The OP hasn't come back though and said what her school is classing as bad behaviour so it's hard to comment on the situation really.

orchardsquare · 03/12/2023 18:07

YANBU especially the bit about not enough places for everyone. Dd's school did something similar but not as strict as yours, they also made it clear in the wording that they did want everyone to attend, and turned a blind eye if some of the targets weren't met.
I hate on MN how some say you should have known this when choosing a school as a) lots of people have no real choice and b) some schools become academies after failing their Ofsted, by which it is often too late to change school, so people just try and make the best of it.

Mikimoto · 03/12/2023 18:08

So what happens if everyone behaves well?

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 18:10

Mikimoto · 03/12/2023 18:08

So what happens if everyone behaves well?

We have a few that choose not to go. Our School was worried it might be financial so set up a ‘dress and suit bank’ where outfits were donated from previous years (all confidential) and help given with cost of tickets but some kids just aren’t interested. My own son never went to his

Wheelz46 · 03/12/2023 18:10

So a child who has been off with illness is penalised with a detention? That is absolutely outrageous, I am normally one for accepting rules are rules but that is just totally cruel. You can't help been poorly and what about children who have regular hospital appointments if it falls in HW they will get detention.

I would not be supporting the school on this in anyway shape or form and as quiet as I am, I would be going up to school to collect my child at school finish time and if they refused to release him, I would take this matter further.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 18:12

Who said an ill child is penalised with detention ??????

Flidina · 03/12/2023 18:13

This happened in my sons school, they had to get 100%attendance and good behaviour points to have a chance to go to prom. My son and most of his year boycotted it on account of it being unreasonable, consequently Prom was cancelled as not enough students would participate.

stomachameleon · 03/12/2023 18:18

People are just making things up as they go along now.
There is a lot of pressure on schools to improve attendance and exam results.
I have never known a prom place withdrawn due to disability related attendance issues.
A prom is not a 'rite of passage' that's laughable.
When I worked mainstream the expectations were laid out a year in advance as to what was expected and you worked towards the prom.
You still had parents kick off though. Even when it was clear why a child couldn't attend.

Dacadactyl · 03/12/2023 18:19

I think it's a great idea and DDs school operated that policy too. If you acted up too much in year 11, you wouldn't get an invite to prom.

The only thing I have a problem with in your case, is that the school has booked a venue that won't hold everyone. So if everyone behaves the school have snookered themselves.

Riverstep · 03/12/2023 18:20

I disagree with there only being enough tickets for 2/3 of the year. Completely support poor behaviour being a reason to stop teenagers attending though. Why should the other teens and teachers have their evening ruined by those who don’t know how to behave.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/12/2023 18:20

You're confusing a recent UK (as imported from US movies) Rite of Passage with 'A Right'.

Your child does not have a right to do whatever they like for the school staff to work unpaid so they can show off the best nail, hair, suits and hire cars.

Cloudisi · 03/12/2023 18:22

Detention for not getting 100% in homework is inexcusable. Not all children have the same ability, that's fucking obvious, and even pupils aiming for top grades won't get 100% all the time - look at the grade boundaries for degree level study fgs. I would be going in to the school and picking my child up from those detentions fuck them

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 18:22

Cloudisi · 03/12/2023 18:22

Detention for not getting 100% in homework is inexcusable. Not all children have the same ability, that's fucking obvious, and even pupils aiming for top grades won't get 100% all the time - look at the grade boundaries for degree level study fgs. I would be going in to the school and picking my child up from those detentions fuck them

It’ll be for not giving in homework, not for the marks

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