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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging about this school scheme?

260 replies

Promdiddlyontomtom · 03/12/2023 17:01

Hi, name changed as potentially very outing.

Have found out recently that my daughter's school has introduced a 'Points for Prom' incentive newest low.

The school get good results.

The demographic has some challenges and therefore they have a VERY strict regime and the kids are controlled with strict policies and sanctions (and a little praise- the balance is well out). The kids get detention if they don't get 100% in HW for example.

This is, IMO, the lowest they have gone.

Their newest bright idea- the young people have to earn 'behaviour points' to be in with a chance to get a ticket for their Y11 prom.

Apparently there's not enough spaces for all pupils (they only have spaces for 2/3 of the pupils... so find a bigger venue then!)

This is not an incentive and should not be used as a reward for 'good behaviour'.

Surely this is just a control tactic. A punishment for not toeing the line.

AIBU to think that all teens should get the opportunity to go to the end of school celebration? It draws the line after 12 years of compulsory education, a stressful period of formal exams, and friendships going in different directions (there's no sixth form). It marks the end of an era. Why should they be told they cannot go? Why shouldn't they be able to mark the end of years of education - for some this may have been a struggle all the way through- with their friends. There'll be no closure.

For the record, I've no concerns that my daughter will be excluded. I just think it's an awful idea.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Dibblydoodahdah · 03/12/2023 17:47

AlltheFs · 03/12/2023 17:15

And you picked this school because?????

It’s not an approach I would like. But at the same time “Prom” is an absolute load of tosh.

Some people have no choice. The only one that qualifies for school transport in my area is horrendous. I was warned by someone who works at the school not to send my children there. Luckily enough I am able to drive my DS1 to the state grammar that he manage to get into and for DS2 we are stretching our finances to pay for a private school. Not everyone in my village has that option though.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:48

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:46

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew yes - doing those things should be punished in some way. But what about the poor teens who are being punished and denied a ticket due to things that are beyond their control and aren't deliberate "poor behaviour".
The thing is when I was that age I would have had zero interest in going to prom. I would have actually tried anything to get out of going. So what would have been my behaviour incentive?
A lot of the more "badly behaved" students behave that way because they hate school, don't want to be there and are counting down the days until they can get out of there. They have no desire to go to a prom. They are done with school and just want it over.

I didn’t mention them, I gave specific examples which is what happens at my school. It’s amazing how many truants and late comers will be in on time when a prom ticket is at stake.

Hiddenvoice · 03/12/2023 17:49

As a teacher I find this appalling. Imagine if all
the children ‘behaved as they expected’, what will the school do?
I think this is really unfair and would be raising this with them. I’ve know children excluded from prom
due to very poor behaviour but it was more from a safety point of view than anything else.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/12/2023 17:49

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “behaviour points” for prom, my school did basically the same thing, I think a lot of schools do. The problem is that they have chosen a venue which can only hold 2/3, so if everyone met the requirement there wouldn’t be the capacity for them all to go. That’s the bit that’s unfair imo.

Unless the school are basically already well aware of who/how many won’t be going. I know in my year group there were 20-25 lads who basically knew from the very start of year 11 they wouldn’t be going to our prom due to behaviour

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:49

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew ok so that's your school - but other schools are different and punish petty nonsense that is often beyond control of the teen.
If that's the case in the OPs school then it's unfair.

mantyzer · 03/12/2023 17:51

I do not agree with this approach. But in any school not all children get to go to the prom anyway.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:51

We have very few who don’t end up going, but we also have some who don’t want to
One who was not allowed hid a vape in the toilet ceiling tiles, climbed up to get it and pulled the ceiling down causing 5K worth of damage - should they have been allowed to go ??

Strictlymad · 03/12/2023 17:51

And if all pupils get the required points? What then? There’s not enough space! Absolutely shocking- exclusions from prom should be a sanction available yes- but in extreme circumstances!

JudgeJ · 03/12/2023 17:52

Teachermum4 · 03/12/2023 17:23

I think that there should be enough room for all pupils BUT I really can’t understand why a parent wouldn’t want their child to go to a school with calm behaviour. Teachers don’t get paid to go to or organise prom and have to put up with frequent rudeness from pupils and parents.

Oh yes, how dare schools expect things to be earned. Stupid to have a venue that's too small and expecting attendance at revision sessions but linking attendance to behaviour I think if perfectly fine. I've told this before but we were the first school in our city to have a formal Year 11 leavers' do, no Proms back then, at a hotel and Year 11 were told that they had a clean sheet in September but would not be allowed to go if certain conditions weren't met. A couple of boys who'd been PITAs since year 7 were told they couldn't go and one mother kicked off about the unfairness of it all etc etc.. On the evening she actually lay down in front of the coach taking them, both pupils and staff were egging the driver on!!

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:52

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:49

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew ok so that's your school - but other schools are different and punish petty nonsense that is often beyond control of the teen.
If that's the case in the OPs school then it's unfair.

She doesn’t actually if that’s the case, like she also actually say how she knows the venue only holds 2/3

Nowherenew · 03/12/2023 17:53

I don’t know any school that allowed students with bad behaviour to attend a prom.
It has always been used as a reward and rightly so.
Extra curricular activities like the prom, are privileges and not a right.

Why should students who’ve been well behaved have to put up with unwanted behaviour from badly behaved students.

What I think is awful is that they don’t have a venue big enough for everyone, as this could mean some students think there’s no point in even trying.
But I suspect that this was said to make sure the students don’t think that they can carry on with bad behaviour and still be allowed in.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 03/12/2023 17:53

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:30

Why should you be able to go to prom if your behaviour is poor ?

because there may be reasons for poor behaviour and being left out is going to further damage your self-esteem

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:54

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew well yes of course someone who caused 5k worth of damage shouldn't be allowed to attend 🙄
I never said they should.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:55

ChocolateCinderToffee · 03/12/2023 17:53

because there may be reasons for poor behaviour and being left out is going to further damage your self-esteem

Show quote history

And in the real world you behave like a twat you’ll lose your job, please feel free to offer to supervise

Charlie2121 · 03/12/2023 17:55

School proms are an awful invention that should never have crossed the Atlantic.

Globules · 03/12/2023 17:55

What do I think?

I think you're well rid of that school come June.

A school which only books a venue for two thirds of their pupils if they're well behaved and compliant are admitting they can't get a third of their yr11 children to comply and behave.

What have they been doing with them for the last 4 years?!

Biffathesniffa · 03/12/2023 17:56

You had me at detention for not getting 100% in their homework.

What a load of shit.

If it's possible for every child to get 100% then it's too easy, no?

As for the points for prom, every child who has tried and attended school deserves to attend. As a pp has said, excusions are usually for major incidents like assault, arson etc

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:56

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:54

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew well yes of course someone who caused 5k worth of damage shouldn't be allowed to attend 🙄
I never said they should.

But the parents said it was unfair !!!

ExtendingLead · 03/12/2023 17:56

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:38

So you think badly behaved pupils should be allowed to attend ?

Show quote history

No. But the expectation should be that if all kids behave they can attend. They are assuming in advance that kids will misbehave and won’t be able to come. That’s crap and expecting the worst of the pupils.

DeadbeatYoda · 03/12/2023 17:56

Ilovelurchers · 03/12/2023 17:07

I presume the teachers organise the prom? And give up their evening unpaid to supervise it? f so they have a right to extend it only to the kids they wish to, who they believe will behave well and not create any problems for them on the night.

You should organise an alternate one with some other parents if you don't like the one they have organised. It would be hard work, but you could then invite whoever you liked.

@Ilovelurchers
I'm sorry but I absolutely disagree. The teachers should not get to extend the provision to their choice of pupils, that's an appalling idea. I work in seco dart education and I have seen the damage done by second rate teachers only bothering with the 'easy' students.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:56

Biffathesniffa · 03/12/2023 17:56

You had me at detention for not getting 100% in their homework.

What a load of shit.

If it's possible for every child to get 100% then it's too easy, no?

As for the points for prom, every child who has tried and attended school deserves to attend. As a pp has said, excusions are usually for major incidents like assault, arson etc

It will be completing all their homework not getting 100%, I suspect op has twisted that

Fernticket · 03/12/2023 17:57

TooBored1 · 03/12/2023 17:09

It's awful. I really hate the way they try and control the children by withdrawing rite of passage activities like this. Worst case was a school in our area that required 100% attendance, no exceptions. Not even for car accident/death of parent. Poor poor child wasn't allowed to go to prom as she'd been hospitalised and then went to her mum's funeral.

What a truly awful thing to do🤬

tillytoodles1 · 03/12/2023 17:57

Our local High Shool has had a points system since they started doing proms years ago.
When my niece had hers about ten years ago quite a few children weren't allowed to attend.

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:58

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew you seem very angry about this.
All I questioned was whether the OPs school was going by "actual" bad behaviour (smoking, violence, causing 5k of damage....) or does bad behaviour include wearing grey socks instead of black.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 03/12/2023 17:59

Needmorelego · 03/12/2023 17:58

@Pewpewbarneymcgrew you seem very angry about this.
All I questioned was whether the OPs school was going by "actual" bad behaviour (smoking, violence, causing 5k of damage....) or does bad behaviour include wearing grey socks instead of black.

Not angry at all, just stating what happens in schools as far too many people on mn are oblivious and believe every word in an op

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