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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder about working grandparents?

132 replies

mantyzer · 02/12/2023 19:40

It has always surprised me that so many people on here use grandparents for childcare. Don't they work? My parents and in-laws were still working full-time when our children were young. They could only have helped with childcare if we paid them so they could pay their own bills.

So those with grandparents providing childcare, are they early retired, never worked, or did they have you older so they are now retired?

OP posts:
howshouldibehave · 02/12/2023 19:48

I think this is something that’s going to be increasingly a problem for people.

My parents were retired at 60 on a great pension so were happy and healthy and keen to help with childcare. My pension age is 68 and my pension will be crap unless I work to the bitter end-if my kids have their own kids at a similar age to me, I’ll still be working so won’t be much help.

elliejjtiny · 02/12/2023 19:49

My in-laws and remaining parent are retired now but when my dc were little, all 4 were working. In laws started doing more and more childcare for BIL and SIL during school holidays once they were too old for nursery. In laws helped me with my older dc when younger ones were in nicu. They were working but got fully paid compassionate leave. Dh had to work because he wasn't even allowed unpaid leave.

PuttingDownRoots · 02/12/2023 19:50

I know of Great grandparents doing childcare.

My friend is in his 70s and he's looked after a succession of grandchildren now onto the next generation. He says it keeps him young.

SecondUsername4me · 02/12/2023 19:50

My mum worked in a Nursery Grin so she helped me, but only in that she was able to get a discount on my rates.

My folks (and dhs) won't retire until our dc are 16+.

I quite like that I won't be able to do childcare for my own dcs kids - I went back full time when my own were 6m and 8m, so I'm clearly not built for SAHPing.

Original poster
mantyzer · 02/12/2023 19:51

@PuttingDownRoots they must all have had children very young.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 02/12/2023 19:52

I’m 58 and work, as does my dh. We decided to have one day a week off and look after our 3 year old Grandaughter. It’s hard work fitting it all in however we love doing it.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 02/12/2023 19:53

My in-laws retired early. MIL retired first and did a day a week of childcare for us. FIL then got jealous and retired shortly after. They're pretty well off and retired in their mid 50s.

OrigamiOwl · 02/12/2023 19:53

I think it all depends on how old the grandparents had their children, then again how old the parents had their children.

My mum still works (had me fairly young), my DH's parents are retired (had him a bit later in life).

Duvetdayforme · 02/12/2023 19:54

My mother was working part time when I had my DC. She was desperate to look after them for a few hours while I worked part time.

Octavia64 · 02/12/2023 19:55

When my kids were born 3 of the 4 grandparents were working and one had never and did never work.

No childcare offered except for the odd weekend in the summer once they got to age 7.

Overthebow · 02/12/2023 20:01

Both sets of parents are retired so could have helped with childcare, but they are all too far away to actually help. I may be able to retire early enough to help my DC once they have kids (they are toddler/baby now so she’s off), but if they have them very young I won’t be.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 02/12/2023 20:01

I don’t think it’s that unusual to have grandparents who are retired. I can’t use grandparents as childcare but not because they all work. My son’s grandparents were all older parents so are mostly in their late 60s and 70s even though DH and I are only 30 and 25. My dad is retired and so are DH’s parents. It’s only my mum that still works. Annoyingly she’s the only one who would be able/willing to provide regular childcare if she was able to. DH’s parents live too far away and my dad wouldn’t be interested in looking after our son by himself unless it was an emergency, which is fine as he’s not his child and he’s under no obligation to.

elliejjtiny · 02/12/2023 20:01

@PuttingDownRoots dh's grandparents used to look after my dc for a couple of hours occasionally when they were younger. These days they can't do it but they love to come and watch my teenagers do their sports and buy them an ice cream afterwards. I think it's amazing as all my great grandparents died before I was born but my 17 year old has one biological and one step great grandparent left.

EveryKneeShallBow · 02/12/2023 20:01

PuttingDownRoots · 02/12/2023 19:50

I know of Great grandparents doing childcare.

My friend is in his 70s and he's looked after a succession of grandchildren now onto the next generation. He says it keeps him young.

My friend is 73, works from home part time, volunteers and looks after her great grandchild one day per week. She’s not even slowing down. And next year, we’re going to a Pink Floyd tribute concert!

CheshireCat1 · 02/12/2023 20:01

I’ll be cutting my hours at work next year to help with childcare for our new grandchildren. I’m looking forward to it.

Conkersinautumn · 02/12/2023 20:02

My parents had ne very young and were just about working when I had my own children. But I'd not have thought of using them for childcare. But then childcare is harder to access with my third, 12 years after first.

TeenLifeMum · 02/12/2023 20:03

My parents ran their own company so did look after dc for a week every summer and then, since covid, they’ve asked for 2 weeks (one in the summer and one during Easter or half term). They are not local so not able to offer regular and I’ve never expected it. I do love the relationship they have though.

WeightoftheWorld · 02/12/2023 20:04

My DPs became GPs in their early 50s. DF working FT (more than FT really, very long hours and lots of travel). DM was unemployed and had been for about a decade if not longer. She used to do 1 day a week childcare for DC1 from age 9 months when I returned to work PT until just over age 3 when I went on ML for DC2. Unfortunately she was diagnosed with a life limiting illness shortly before I started my second mat leave so has become unable to provide any care since then.

DH was/is NC with his parents so no help on that side.

Ploctopus · 02/12/2023 20:04

My parents both retired at 60 and I had my son at 35. They had both been retired for a couple of years before I had him. They look after him one day a week.

I think it’s more common than you think that parents have retired. Generally, people are having children later in life these days, meaning their own parents are more likely to have retired.

stayathomer · 02/12/2023 20:08

All gps in our school look like they’re over 70 and 80 (and look wrecked and like their kids should give them a break!!)

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 02/12/2023 20:10

My mum has always worked part time, so has always had the flexibility. My dad took early retirement when they sold the family home and downsized as there was plenty of equity left (mum refuses to retire, plus she was late 40s when this happened, dad mid 50s)

Mum in law dropped a day a week so she could have him. Dad in law didn't change his hours until ds started school then announced he had dropped an afternoon so he could collect from school.

Neither dh or I ever asked for this, or expected it, we were fully prepared to put ds in nursery full time, ut obviously got very lucky with our parents wanting to care for ds.

I am very very aware of how lucky we are, especially as we both have colleagues who's parents won't even babysit for them unless they pay them.

Orangeandgold · 02/12/2023 20:11

My mum worked part time due to health when DD was small. She used to work full time. As she works in a school her holidays match with my DD and she always offered to help. I would pay for nursery etc when DD was younger as I know she can be a handful. But as DD became older my mum loved having her around (I think because she missed having us around!) and also my DD was helpful around the house - she’s now a teen and they have such a great relationship.

I have seen so many grandparents with younger children during the day. However I also know people with parents that do not help with childcare at all! They might offer to babysit every now and then.

RenegadeKeeblerElf · 02/12/2023 20:14

My parents were each working part time when my children were young and so between them were able to cover all the childcare we needed. Mum had always worked part-time, Dad had taken early retirement and was just working to fill his days rather than because he needed to financially. They were in their late 50s/early 60s so not too old to be able to do the childcare, but also financially comfortable.

Paddington98 · 02/12/2023 20:15

My mum retired at 60 on a great pension, we don’t live close but she comes sometimes to help with my son. My grandma was able to go part time at 50 when her first grandchild was born - she owned a 4 bed house on the salaries of a care worker and council labourer. Neither of those things will be true of me or any of my friends in the future.

Wendyspotatopeeler · 02/12/2023 20:16

My DM and MIL worked PT so could help out on days off, FIL was retired.
I used nursery 3 days a week and the other days were covered by DH on his off shift days or GPs.
I ended up working 4 days to ease childcare issues.

My BIL and SIL had their DC 10 yrs later, my ILs were in their mid 70s and found it too much to look after the DNs by then.