Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder about working grandparents?

132 replies

mantyzer · 02/12/2023 19:40

It has always surprised me that so many people on here use grandparents for childcare. Don't they work? My parents and in-laws were still working full-time when our children were young. They could only have helped with childcare if we paid them so they could pay their own bills.

So those with grandparents providing childcare, are they early retired, never worked, or did they have you older so they are now retired?

OP posts:
blackfluffycat · 02/12/2023 21:20

My mum can't cope either my kids. Never had them at the same time.

Strawberry0909 · 02/12/2023 21:21

We are lucky that although my parents early 50s when I my first was born they are both self employed so fitted their hours around looking after my boys 1-2 days a week. We never asked they proposed idea before DS1 was born.
FIL was at retirement age

PeloMom · 02/12/2023 21:23

My grandparents worked (they were in their 40’s). I had my child late so grandparents are in their mid 60s to late 70s so retired.

Ladylalaboo1 · 02/12/2023 21:23

My parents have my youngest ( 3) Monday from 9-1 and then all day Tuesday (9-6 and at 3 they pick my other dc up from school and have all of them till 6. They are both self employed so work around doing this for us. It was never something we asked for it's always something they have wanted to do and have been able to help us with which has saved us so much and we are forever grateful but if it ever became an issue for them with work would rethink and sort out childcare if needed. So hard though. My MIL especially is lovely and always wants to be involved so much more but worked 9-5 in an office Monday to Friday so obviously couldn't. She's retired now though and gets to spend lots of time with my SIL's twins so that's a nice bonus for her ❤️ incredibly hard though and I'm always every week saying to my mum are sure, can leave it this week if needs be etc.

Nineteendays · 02/12/2023 21:24

My mum is 55 and still working full time. My kids are 11 and 8. When we had them DHs dad had just retired in his mid 50s and so was able to do one day a week for us but we spaced out the kids so that by the time the eldest went to school part time I was on Mat leave with the second and then he looked after the second one day a week when the eldest was full time at school. So he only ever had one at a time.

Wolvesart · 02/12/2023 21:24

I think being a young grandparent would be scary enough without having to give up ones job to do childcare. My Dad was 60 when I got married and retired mid 60s when my mum received a diagnosis that meant she knew she’d ultimately lose her sight. They spent the next 10 years able to enjoy travel. My mum could still see when DC was 7. I never asked for baby yrs for childcare, although they were happy to have DC for holiday half term etc. I think it taught DC a lot about disability.

Nineteendays · 02/12/2023 21:24

Oh and otherwise they went to nursery and I was part time for a bit. It was costly but doable. Nowadays it seems a nightmare for parents with the current costs of nursery

CatMandarin · 02/12/2023 21:27

Mine were both retired. My mum was 62 and got her state pension at 60. She didnt have a work pension. Dad was 68. I can't remember what his state pension age was but he had a good work pension. A lot of people in their 80s now had good work pensions

WashItTomorrow · 02/12/2023 21:27

I’m 57 and DH is 62. We work full time. Our DC are just in their early 20s. I’d be shocked if either of them had a baby in the near future.

Mikimoto · 02/12/2023 21:28

This will be less and less relevant as fewer families will live within travelling distance of other relatives.
Having said that, all this "I won't retire till 68" - that depends on your education and how you've lived your lived and planned financially.

TicTacNicNak · 02/12/2023 21:29

I was extremely lucky when I had my two DC as my DM had always been a SAHM, and aside from a midday supervisor job later in life she didn't work and was thrilled to have each DC when I returned to work. I also had a good friend who owned and managed a nursery, so as soon as each DC got a bit too much for DM, the friend got them into nursery without me having to go on a long waitlist. I was very aware how fortunate I was.

CatMandarin · 02/12/2023 21:35

CatMandarin · 02/12/2023 21:27

Mine were both retired. My mum was 62 and got her state pension at 60. She didnt have a work pension. Dad was 68. I can't remember what his state pension age was but he had a good work pension. A lot of people in their 80s now had good work pensions

Just to add they retired in their 50s and cared for one child 2 short days a week for a year. They are still alive in their 80s, so haven't been deprived of too much retirement due to being worked to the bone doing childcare. I can only dream of such a lengthy retirement

ActDottie · 02/12/2023 21:44

My husband and I are expecting our first baby. I’m 30, he’s 34.

The in laws are 68 and 74 so fully retired. Although, they live too far away to help with regular childcare.

My parents are 61 and 58. My dad works two days a week, my mum works 2.5 days a week. They’re going to be helping with childcare one day a week.

UnpalatableButTrue · 02/12/2023 21:46

My parents were young when they had children, so were 50 when I had my first child. My mum was a SAHM, but there was no question of her looking after my children - not least as we are 200 miles away.

I wonder more about geography than about working grandparents. I don't have one single friend whose parents live near enough to have been 'childcare' grandparents, regardless of their employment status.

Do people either live in the same place they have always lived, or do they return? Nothing would convince me to "move back home". I would find it incredibly suffocating and narrow. Some people on here seem to live in the same road where they grew up, and socialise with the people they went to school with.

Don't you ever want to see something different?

Xmasbaby11 · 02/12/2023 21:47

It can go the other way too. My dp and pil were all on their 70s when we started a family, and were too old and tired to help. Now they are in their 80s and need help from us, and our kids are only 9 and 11 so need us a lot too. It’s tiring!

most of my friends started a family when their parents were in their 60s and retired. It’s quite common.

Girasoli · 02/12/2023 21:48

My DM is/was a housewife. She does two days a week childcare for us.

PILs are still both working but live too far away to do childcare (and tbh I think they'd struggle these days)

UnpalatableButTrue · 02/12/2023 21:48

WashItTomorrow · 02/12/2023 21:27

I’m 57 and DH is 62. We work full time. Our DC are just in their early 20s. I’d be shocked if either of them had a baby in the near future.

Edited

I'm 50 with DC the same ages as yours, and I'd feel rather the same.

I've been a SAHM for God knows how long, and there's no way I'm going to start all over again with looking after children when I'm finally a relatively free agent!

Flippingflamingo · 02/12/2023 21:48

My parents are 63 and both working full time. My children are 4 and 6 and we’ve never had childcare help from them other than the odd Saturday night babysitting.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 02/12/2023 21:49

Both my parents worked full time when my older 2 were pre school. Youngest one, my mum had moved away to retire. In laws lovely but too old to look after dc.
I have a 2 year old grandchild. I work full time. Still get 12 years til pension age! I help out by paying towards nursery.

hastiestofjennies · 02/12/2023 21:50

DH and I are mid 30s. our parents divorced and remarried - all 8 of them were retired in their 50s.

checkout assistant
bin man
graphic designer
teacher
mineral chemist
carer
nurse
retail manager

Variety of jobs, salaries and pensions. all done and mortgage free by 60. none available for childcare as they're all busy with holidaying and hobbies (and get the winter fuel payment too!)

fab grandparents though!

Sonolanona · 02/12/2023 21:51

I dropped to part time to care for my DGS... my dd2 and her dh are nurses and need care at times no nursery or childminder could accommodate.
I have him two to three days a week, and work supply in school the other days..

I had no one able to help with my four when they were young and I love being able to help out (plus my entire working life has been early years so it feels natural to me)

I'm lucky in that I'm only mid 50s and healthy willing and able !

Timeturnerplease · 02/12/2023 21:51

Maybe it depends on the age of people having children in your area.

DD1 was born when I was 32, DD2 at 34. DH’s parents had him young but he’s over 10 years older than me, and my DF was mid 30s when I was born, so 3/4 of our DC’s grandparents are in their 70s (bar my DM, who is early 60s) and thus retired. We get a lot of help from PIL and a little help from my DF, when he’s not cycling/skiing/golfing.

I teach in the next village along from ours and it’s common for grandparents to be in their 70s and even 80s collecting DGC from school. I know many of my class’ grandparents by name! They all seem very fit and healthy, usually more energetic than the parents themselves. I suppose this is probably due to lifestyle; rural area but with good links to London, lots of knowledge about and time/money for keeping fit and healthy.

However, my DM lives 200 miles away and amongst her peers it’s more usual for grandparents to be in their 50s and 60s and thus still working full time. My sister lives in the same county, and most of her friends had children in their 20s; she was unusual starting at 33.

My dad likes to joke that he’s far too young to be a grandad, and that he might start to slow down a bit in his 80s, when my decade younger sister might start a family, and thus offer a bit more help!

haveyouopenedyourbowelstoday · 02/12/2023 21:56

I'm 53, DH is 55 and our grandson is 14 months.
Both DD and I are nurses although she's gone back 4 days a week. Baby goes to crèche 2 days, his dad has him one day and I went down to a 24 hour contract and have him one day a week but work an extra 12 hours on the bank.
I love having that bond with him.

JaninaDuszejko · 02/12/2023 22:01

I was 41 and pregnant with my youngest at FIL's 80th birthday party. All the grandparents lived too far away from us to help out with childcare though.

I suspect there's two different groups, those who live close to family so have children young and expect help with childcare because they can't afford it and those who live far from family and so have children when they are older and can afford childcare costs.

AhBiscuits · 02/12/2023 22:05

I didn't use mine for childcare but they were retired when I had my children. They had me when my mum was 30 and dad 34. I had my kids at 35 and 37. The age people have their first is getting older all the time.