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Original poster

To sometimes find the idea of sex a bit gross?

119 replies

Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 19:37

I do suffer with intrusive thoughts and fall into these kinds of cycles so it may just be another episode.
Sorry this is graphic and I hope it doesn't offend anybody, but the idea of putting your mouth on the areas of a man (I'm a straight woman) where human waste has come out of and vice versa.
I've been intimate with certain men when I was younger who honestly I don't think had cleaned properly down below and still expected oral, it makes me feel sick thinking about it.
Not sure how to stop thinking this really?

OP posts:
EdinGirl · 02/12/2023 19:44

There's no reason why oral has to be a part of sex.

I don't do it and I've always been open about that. No one has ever had a problem!

Sex is supposed to be fun, I would never do anything that I didn't fancy :)

All these "shoulds" are very immature and silly.

Communicate and people can decide whether they want to continue with you or not... But as I said, I've never had anyone be rude.

Lizzbear · 02/12/2023 19:45

I know what you mean. If you actually think about sex, it's a strange thing to do. I know it's natural, but I get where you're coming from op.

MooFroo · 02/12/2023 19:47

Totally get you OP! It’s all a a bit disgusting, gross and messy including giving birth 🥴
it might be natural and all that but if I think too much about it, it freaks me out!

Original poster
Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 19:49

Thank you understanding me! Honestly are a lot of men happy to never receive oral sex?

OP posts:
CissOff · 02/12/2023 19:51

Totally hear you! I enjoy sex but if I think about it in its most basic form I can get weirded out.

Then I start wondering how the first people on Earth knew how to put a penis in a vagina. Did they try ears first? 😂

Nonplusultra · 02/12/2023 19:55

I don’t think there’s anything remotely unreasonable about expecting cleanliness.

For me sexual desire has been about a hormonal surge that fogs up logic and reason, and weird things feel wonderful in the moment with the right person.

In the cold light of day it all seems a bit insane really.

PermanentTemporary · 02/12/2023 19:56

There are plenty of men who refuse to give oral, so it shouldn't be a problem.

That said... you can ask men to wash beforehand, if it makes a difference? I wish I'd done that early in my sex life. I do love oral though, and you don't have to.

fourelementary · 02/12/2023 19:57

Maybe have showers as part of foreplay… ensuring it is nice and clean. Can even do a soapy massage (with your breasts if you’re so inclined). But sex should be fun and enjoyable and for me that does include oral- but I am fastidious about hygiene before though… no dirty things are going into my mouth thank you very much!!

ellie09 · 02/12/2023 20:00

Me and my partner dont think particularly enjoy oral so we never engage with it.

I do find it quite odd. Having someone's luke warm cum in you for days after.. 🫠

Anal sex is just odd to me also. Lots of bacteria up there...

But I have a high sex drive so it usually subsides quickly 😁

PurpleBugz · 02/12/2023 20:13

If you don't want to do it you don't have to do it. I don't do oral only had one guy sulk over it and I dumped him fairly promptly over it

EdinGirl · 02/12/2023 20:14

Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 19:49

Thank you understanding me! Honestly are a lot of men happy to never receive oral sex?

Yes, in my experience I would say MOST of the people I have dated (and now married) are fine with it.

There's sooo many other ways to enjoy intimacy.

For example, a really good handjob can be phenomenal because it can last MUCH longer than oral. No sore jaw etc.

You can edge them, light candles, talk dirty... You can make it a beautifully intimate experience.

But my biggest tip, tell them pretty soon and definitely NOT after doing it once.
Start as you mean to go on.

Don't wait until 10 dates in....

I always said -
"Just so you know, I don't enjoy giving blowjobs and I believe sex should be mutually enjoyable. I don't think either partner should do things they are uncomfortable with. I still find reciprocal pleasure important and enjoy figuring out ways to satisfy a partner, but wanted to let you know. I understand if this is a dealbreaker for you."

Or something along those lines.

No one ever said it was a dealbreaker :)

BeggyMitchell · 02/12/2023 20:15

Lizzbear · 02/12/2023 19:45

I know what you mean. If you actually think about sex, it's a strange thing to do. I know it's natural, but I get where you're coming from op.

I've thought about this.

Take away hormones , sex drives, lust and just looking at sex disinterestedly, it's bonkers (no pun intended) , the positions, the facial expressions, the noises ...

daisychain01 · 02/12/2023 20:19

The only thing that grosses me out is reading people talking about it. No joke. When it's two people who love each other, I don't find it remotely gross, it's natural.

Reading the 'mechanics' of it is pretty disgusting sounding, and not the least bit interesting!

Original poster
Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 20:21

Ears 😂 yes that's a good way of putting it, the mechanics.
The thought of my family, friends and colleagues engaging in it also makes me feel sick for some reason. Luckily it's not really something I think about!

OP posts:
Original poster
Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 20:23

I could try to start asserting boundaries more. When I was 24 a man I'd been seeing just pushed my head down without saying anything, I refused and he said 'well you did it last time.' I should've told him to do one. Asking people to wash/washing together first is a good idea.
Also the thought of a man having to leave his sperm inside you in order to conceive a child, even though again it's a completely natural thing.

OP posts:
Lammveg · 02/12/2023 20:23

Yeah I feel a bit like 'that's so weird' when I think about the mechanics of it too.

But I also feel the same way about walking. How does it work? It's like constantly falling.

Then I forget how to walk and how to have sex lol

thinslicedham · 02/12/2023 20:30

It's definitely without any doubt a weird concept, looked at objectively and without arousal. Tbh, our entire physical existence and bodies can weird me out. Eating, digesting food, defecating... Hair and nails... Eyes... Teeth... All of it is disgusting and weird, on some level.

AutumnLeaves333 · 02/12/2023 20:30

I feel the same if i think about it. I think it’s something that I’ve started to find the mechanics of weirder as I’ve got older, I had a really high sex drive when I was younger and I never felt like this but not now. plus I’ve been single for 4 years and not had sex in that time. I honestly can’t imagine getting naked and having sex with someone now it would be too weird!

App13 · 02/12/2023 20:32

CissOff · 02/12/2023 19:51

Totally hear you! I enjoy sex but if I think about it in its most basic form I can get weirded out.

Then I start wondering how the first people on Earth knew how to put a penis in a vagina. Did they try ears first? 😂

This is bleating hilarious 🤣

tuttifuckinfruity · 02/12/2023 20:35

Same. It's so animalistic.

Can be fun when you're in the mood but thinking about it at other times gives me the willies Envy

App13 · 02/12/2023 20:36

EdinGirl · 02/12/2023 20:14

Yes, in my experience I would say MOST of the people I have dated (and now married) are fine with it.

There's sooo many other ways to enjoy intimacy.

For example, a really good handjob can be phenomenal because it can last MUCH longer than oral. No sore jaw etc.

You can edge them, light candles, talk dirty... You can make it a beautifully intimate experience.

But my biggest tip, tell them pretty soon and definitely NOT after doing it once.
Start as you mean to go on.

Don't wait until 10 dates in....

I always said -
"Just so you know, I don't enjoy giving blowjobs and I believe sex should be mutually enjoyable. I don't think either partner should do things they are uncomfortable with. I still find reciprocal pleasure important and enjoy figuring out ways to satisfy a partner, but wanted to let you know. I understand if this is a dealbreaker for you."

Or something along those lines.

No one ever said it was a dealbreaker :)

Show quote history

Thank you, im making a note

headcheffer · 02/12/2023 20:39

Yes agree. Sometimes the idea grosses me out completely.

AntonFeckoff · 02/12/2023 20:40

AutumnLeaves333 · 02/12/2023 20:30

I feel the same if i think about it. I think it’s something that I’ve started to find the mechanics of weirder as I’ve got older, I had a really high sex drive when I was younger and I never felt like this but not now. plus I’ve been single for 4 years and not had sex in that time. I honestly can’t imagine getting naked and having sex with someone now it would be too weird!

Edited

It’s been coming up to three years for me and I can’t imagine it either. I sometimes miss sex/closeness but I don’t really want a man in my bed. My bed is for me and my cat and the thought of anyone invading our quiet safe space makes me feel quite anxious Confused

Joonio · 02/12/2023 20:43

It sounds disgusting. Thank goodness I never had to do that when I was married.

fruitpotato · 02/12/2023 20:43

sex is gross and I think survival instinct in some people is stronger so their disgust levels are quite high, I don't understand how men for example want to perform anal or brag they will eat a 'booty hole' of a random girl just because she seems hot, I think it's gross. For me I need to fully trust and love the person to be ok with oral and their sperm. Even kissing gives you a lot of bad stuff like cold sores and cavity /gum disease causing bacteria.
Like for me the constant glorification of butts is so so so disgusting. I'm ok with boobs obsession but obsession with butts or feet disgusts me to the point I lose any attraction to the guy, butt and feet guys are total turn offs to me I just associate them with dirtyness and if he puts his mouth near them I can't stand kissing him knowing where his mouth had been.
In your position I wouldn't have casual sex until you've strong feelings for them and feel their hygiene and health levels meet your standards.