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AIBU?

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Original poster

To sometimes find the idea of sex a bit gross?

119 replies

Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 19:37

I do suffer with intrusive thoughts and fall into these kinds of cycles so it may just be another episode.
Sorry this is graphic and I hope it doesn't offend anybody, but the idea of putting your mouth on the areas of a man (I'm a straight woman) where human waste has come out of and vice versa.
I've been intimate with certain men when I was younger who honestly I don't think had cleaned properly down below and still expected oral, it makes me feel sick thinking about it.
Not sure how to stop thinking this really?

OP posts:
AntonFeckoff · 02/12/2023 20:43

I also sometimes think about how it first happened. Was it an instinctive thing or what. it would’ve been painful for virgin women in the same way it is now presumably… did they want it initially or is it just something that happened to them? So many questions.

JamSandle · 02/12/2023 20:48

I often find sex quite disgusting too!

PermanentTemporary · 02/12/2023 20:49

Given that most societies just hand out young girls to dominant older men, I should think it just happened. With an extra premium for pain and bleeding as it proved paternity.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 02/12/2023 20:49

CissOff · 02/12/2023 19:51

Totally hear you! I enjoy sex but if I think about it in its most basic form I can get weirded out.

Then I start wondering how the first people on Earth knew how to put a penis in a vagina. Did they try ears first? 😂

This made me laugh - it's a good question.

Slightly off topic - I think that about so many things, especially when it comes to foods and eating certain things and carrying out certain processes like who decided to try baking a potato :)

User0224 · 02/12/2023 20:50

fourelementary · 02/12/2023 19:57

Maybe have showers as part of foreplay… ensuring it is nice and clean. Can even do a soapy massage (with your breasts if you’re so inclined). But sex should be fun and enjoyable and for me that does include oral- but I am fastidious about hygiene before though… no dirty things are going into my mouth thank you very much!!

I’m clearly a prude because I have no idea what this means and I’m intrigued - what does a soapy massage with your breasts mean? Like rubbing a guy down with soapy breasts? 😅

Whalewatchers · 02/12/2023 20:51

Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 19:49

Thank you understanding me! Honestly are a lot of men happy to never receive oral sex?

I've always felt it was pretty underwhelming, so yeah, I don't mind not getting one. I do enjoy giving oral though but have to convince my wife to give it a try as she's currently saying no. She's mentioned that she thinks it's unhygienic before but I think she had an ex who treated her badly who did it and she was uncomfortable with him doing so.

fruitpotato · 02/12/2023 20:54

I can understand how they rolled together and figured it out instinctively as we see animals doing it but the licking and sucking of genitals is much weirder. Incidentally, there is a type of bats who give fellatio as part of mating.

I'm actually worried about the proliferation of 'choking' in sex and the contempt towards vanilla' PIV sex, all this kink pushing is alienating perfectly normal sexuality and risking the safety of girls and women. I fucking hate porn and pop culture that glorify casual sex and gross or dangerous kinks.

For me it's about safety and respect as I'm an atheist and equally hate the whole virginity thing and demonising sex out of marriage.

fruitpotato · 02/12/2023 20:57

I have heard of men who don't like oral and those who are scared of STIs but they are rarer and certainly more conservative and discreet than the braggy 'kink' guys so you wouldn't know until you discuss sex with them, I agree entirely on asserting your boundaries and being upfront about it as reasonably and respectfully possible as it WILL be a deal breaker for some men.... and you might meet someone you like so so much that you would drink their spit. I've only felt this about 2 men in my life out of the thousands I met and saw.

Lovemusic82 · 02/12/2023 20:58

Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 19:49

Thank you understanding me! Honestly are a lot of men happy to never receive oral sex?

Not all men like oral and any man that cares about you won’t care if you don’t want to do it. My DP isn’t bothered about receiving but is happy to give (enjoys it more than receiving). I find it a bit ick too unless fresh out the bath/shower.

FreshWinterMorning · 02/12/2023 21:07

CissOff · 02/12/2023 19:51

Totally hear you! I enjoy sex but if I think about it in its most basic form I can get weirded out.

Then I start wondering how the first people on Earth knew how to put a penis in a vagina. Did they try ears first? 😂

😆 That made me giggle @CissOff ! 😆

@Moooonpig I know what you mean. I used to be up for sex 3-4 times a week, and 2 or 3 times in one day sometimes, and I have been fortunate to very rarely experience a man who has bad hygiene - just one when I was 19-20, he stunk, and I won't say of what because TMI. 😬 DH has always been impeccably clean!

But anyway, I used to be into it/really want it often, but since my late 40s, I CBA, (now mid 50s.) DH feels the same, and he went off it about a year before I did. No idea why. I don't even know what I liked about it now. Not a scrap of interest in it now, and I am really puzzled when I hear of people in their mid to late 50s shagging, and people in their 60s, and 70s, and 80s. Shock Like how and why can they be arsed? I did it for some 33-34 years. That was enough. 😆

Indeed, post menopause, I find the idea of having sex quite repugnant. Wouldn't want it with anyone.

And yeah, it is a bit messy really isn't it? Shock

.

TicTacNicNak · 02/12/2023 21:20

When I've been in a new relationship and there's that raw sexual attraction then I never minded oral, but once the relationship was established then it started to give me the ick.

I'm actually glad I'm not a young person in todays world though because STDs seem so much more prevalent now, that it adds to the reasons you wouldn't want someone's genitals in your face.

OhpoorMe · 02/12/2023 21:28

Honestly I think it's very unusual to find people who will happily forgo oral sex but you only need one!

I've had one partner who would sometime smell of wee as he was small when flacid which makes weeing cleanly harder!

But I just told him I didn't like the smell when giving head and he was always clean as a whistle after that (and hopeful!)

IceAndLemonPlease · 02/12/2023 21:31

I hear you OP.
Oral actually turns my stomach and the smells and everything just aren’t pleasant however clean both partners are.

keye · 02/12/2023 21:38

It's the thought of the mechanics that made me doubt I was bisexual for many years. I knew I liked women very early in my teens but always discounted it because I couldn't imagine touching one sexually, or giving oral to a woman.

In my early 40s I met a woman and things just happened. Found out giving women oral is one of my favourite things to do - as long as i don't think about what I'm doing that is!!

Parentofeanda · 02/12/2023 21:38

My husband doesn't ask for head and I never give it but this also isn't about sex this is about oral. I most of the time hate oral, disgusting but don't mind it with my husband but he's SO clean. He never smells and his penis always seems super clean and doesn't smell one bit so I don't mind it but then I don't do it as we just go straight into sex rather than foreplay although he has done oral on me way more than I have on him but he is happy with that.

Elfontheshmelf · 02/12/2023 21:39

I don't think it's unreasonable to want your partner to shower first.

If a man refused to give oral sex though it would be a deal breaker for me!

Ramalangadingdong · 02/12/2023 21:51

ellie09 · 02/12/2023 20:00

Me and my partner dont think particularly enjoy oral so we never engage with it.

I do find it quite odd. Having someone's luke warm cum in you for days after.. 🫠

Anal sex is just odd to me also. Lots of bacteria up there...

But I have a high sex drive so it usually subsides quickly 😁

I really don’t like having sperm on me. I hate when men ejaculate on my back for example. I hate the smell of it, the feel of it as it gets cold. Yuck.

AntonFeckoff · 02/12/2023 21:53

TicTacNicNak · 02/12/2023 21:20

When I've been in a new relationship and there's that raw sexual attraction then I never minded oral, but once the relationship was established then it started to give me the ick.

I'm actually glad I'm not a young person in todays world though because STDs seem so much more prevalent now, that it adds to the reasons you wouldn't want someone's genitals in your face.

This is what happens to me with sex in general and then it’s the beginning of the end of course. An initial surge and then I just don’t feel like it anymore.

I don’t like receiving oral and I’m not keen on giving it either.

Original poster
Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 21:53

Yeah, I find sperm disgusting too. Bleurgh. Unfortunately it has a very important function!

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 02/12/2023 21:53

Sometimes I think I’ve landed on a different planet when I read the sex threads on MN… off the top of my head I’ve had sex with men who’ve been into rubber ( me wearing), being walked on with high heels, being pegged, getting beaten up… golden showers… and they were all different men. For me a BJ is a fairly fundamental part of sex and I’d be really disappointed to not give or receive.

ellie09 · 02/12/2023 21:57

Ramalangadingdong · 02/12/2023 21:51

I really don’t like having sperm on me. I hate when men ejaculate on my back for example. I hate the smell of it, the feel of it as it gets cold. Yuck.

Show quote history

I despise the whole ejaculating in someone's mouth 🤮

I can deal with inside, as I just wash myself out really well and pee straight after.

The older I get, I just dont tolerate things I hate for the sake of a mans satisfaction 😂

Luckily my man said he could never cum from a BJ nevermind in my mouth

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 02/12/2023 22:10

It's very weird in lots of ways, but I don't think about it in great detail too much or it makes me feel slightly squeamish.

OTOH I have to say, I'd rather keep up sex as I get older as the thought of a very long period of my life after menopause with a higher risk of vaginal atrophy and dryness etc is enough to make me keep up with penetrative sex - my DH won't complain lol 🙃 😅 Apparently the increased blood flow is meant you reduce your chances of more severe vaginal dryness and atrophy compared to those who don't have regular sex. 😅 I've never really enjoyed penetrative as much as oral sex but am happy to oblige if it keeps my bits happier 😊

skyfalldown · 02/12/2023 22:17

I can't get fussed about it. At the end of the day, we're just monkeys playing dress-up.

Mariposista · 02/12/2023 22:20

I find oral sex horrible. I'm glad I am not the only one.

Actual sex is fine.

43ontherocksporfavor · 02/12/2023 22:23

OP if any man pushed my head down they’d be getting a push back!
No to any bum ‘fun’ but DH is a clean man so everything else is fine.
Don’t be afraid to assert your boundaries!!

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