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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sometimes find the idea of sex a bit gross?

119 replies

Moooonpig · 02/12/2023 19:37

I do suffer with intrusive thoughts and fall into these kinds of cycles so it may just be another episode.
Sorry this is graphic and I hope it doesn't offend anybody, but the idea of putting your mouth on the areas of a man (I'm a straight woman) where human waste has come out of and vice versa.
I've been intimate with certain men when I was younger who honestly I don't think had cleaned properly down below and still expected oral, it makes me feel sick thinking about it.
Not sure how to stop thinking this really?

OP posts:
gillefc82 · 02/12/2023 22:45

Personally, I love giving my DH oral and (based on the reactions I’ve had from him and previous partners) I am apparently good at it.

I don’t think I could be with a man who refused to give me oral, as for me, those kind of acts are all part of a healthy repertoire of sexual relations. I will do it as part of foreplay, but equally will sometimes do it alone where full blown sex is not possible/convenient etc.

Plus it’s never bothered me to swallow. I’d be worried about coming across as rude/offensive by spitting 😂

One of my few hard boundaries is coming on my face/in my hair, as I find that disrespectful. I suspect it’s the connotations I make with porn, where the woman is often just a prop.

fourelementary · 02/12/2023 23:54

User0224 · 02/12/2023 20:50

I’m clearly a prude because I have no idea what this means and I’m intrigued - what does a soapy massage with your breasts mean? Like rubbing a guy down with soapy breasts? 😅

Show quote history

Yes. In the shower or with him in the shower if only a small cubicle… you both get wet and you lather your breasts in soap/foam and then use your breasts to rub his penis- between them if your breasts are big enough- you can kind of let him rub himself up and down in your cleavage… it’s very sexy.

Back21970 · 03/12/2023 00:26

I have started to feel this way about sex in general but think (and hope) it’s because I’ve been single and celibate for a couple of years.

Can’t imagine getting naked with anyone and even the thought of oral sex makes me totally squirm.

Want to start dating though but do wonder if I will ever feel the urge to get remotely intimate at all with anyone again!

ambersgar · 03/12/2023 00:44

I don't like the idea of oral either and never did it with my ex. Definitely didn't like anal either.

LittleBlueUnicorn · 03/12/2023 00:48

I was thinking about this the other day and thinking that it is gross to put something in your mouth that pee comes out of. Plenty of men don’t give oral

cerisepanther73 · 03/12/2023 01:05

I get understand what you mean thinking about natural thing as sex , even though it's very much is so,

there is something paradoxically weirdly gross about things to do with our bodies, bodily emissions ect,

I really think as you are obviously uncomfortable and put off the idea of that sexual practice,
hardly Surprising cause of your past experiences ,

let's face it , that kind of sexual practice is like sexuality equivalent of marmite, either love it or loath it,

I think it's really Disrespectful of them,
they thought it was ok acceptable for you to participate in this sexual practice knowing their personal hygiene was rank, skanky as fxck too,

Oral sex just like any other sexual practices should be based on mutually pleasurable and respectful intimacy loving relantship,

I wonder whether tantric sex practices more emphasis on sensuality of sexuality ect would be enlightening and beneficial for you?

Karma sutra book springs to mind too.

Ramalangadingdong · 03/12/2023 01:34

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 02/12/2023 22:10

It's very weird in lots of ways, but I don't think about it in great detail too much or it makes me feel slightly squeamish.

OTOH I have to say, I'd rather keep up sex as I get older as the thought of a very long period of my life after menopause with a higher risk of vaginal atrophy and dryness etc is enough to make me keep up with penetrative sex - my DH won't complain lol 🙃 😅 Apparently the increased blood flow is meant you reduce your chances of more severe vaginal dryness and atrophy compared to those who don't have regular sex. 😅 I've never really enjoyed penetrative as much as oral sex but am happy to oblige if it keeps my bits happier 😊

fyi My vagina has not atrophied as far as I know. Neither is it dry. I keep my hand in every now and then iykwim, so all is well.

JustJoinedRightNow · 03/12/2023 01:56

This thread is great. I thought it was just me OP. I literally hate the idea of it, makes me feel really anxious and gross and I find myself frequently telling myself in my head "I am never doing that again".

DH has just accepted it doesn't happen anymore. Probably not happy about it but he's decent and doesn't push the subject. I wish I was different but I'm not.

StarlightLady · 03/12/2023 02:07

Surely, it’s a hygiene thing? You eat with your hands, which have been in all sorts of places, including wiping your bum. But you wash them first.

ambersgar · 03/12/2023 02:08

I'm glad it's not just me either! A couple of years after separation and I don't like the idea of sex generally.

Museum10660 · 03/12/2023 02:09

@Moooonpig
yep, when under the influence of biological chemistry then its one thing,
but when not under the influence , its like omg

Scruffington · 03/12/2023 02:24

JustJoinedRightNow · 03/12/2023 01:56

This thread is great. I thought it was just me OP. I literally hate the idea of it, makes me feel really anxious and gross and I find myself frequently telling myself in my head "I am never doing that again".

DH has just accepted it doesn't happen anymore. Probably not happy about it but he's decent and doesn't push the subject. I wish I was different but I'm not.

Would you be okay with the idea of him seeking sex elsewhere? It's a big thing to remove sex from a romantic relationship.

BlueEyedPeanut · 03/12/2023 02:30

That is why we have hormones. It is natures way of temporarily brainwashing for the survival of the species.

StarlightLady · 03/12/2023 02:52

To add to my previous comments, l wouldn’t have sex with someone who would not go down on me. Sex is about passion. I want to give a lot, but l expect a lot. I also enjoy oral only sessions once in a while.

l’m happy to swallow, but no, none of the goo on my body please; no exceptions.

Ramalangadingdong · 03/12/2023 08:06

The thing that really put me off sex was that a lot of partners I had in the past did
not take the time to really give me pleasure in the way that I needed it as a woman. I remember voicing what I needed and them taking offence as though I was criticising them (I wasn’t). I have better orgasms on my own.

My rare encounters with men willing to explore a deeper sensuality proved mind blowing and made me realise that some of the men I had been with were selfish, deliberately withholding that more tender sex. For me sex without tenderness is just a mechanical exercise with the release of bodily fluids that I find repulsive.

with the rise of porn I fear that sex for young women will be even worse, but I am hoping younger women will jump on and tell me my fears are unfounded.

StarlightLady · 03/12/2023 08:23

@Ramalangadingdong - I’m too old, 40s and very sexually active, to tell you your fears are unfounded, but l do have a diverse group of friends and the younger ones do not take any crap. Likewise as I’ve got older l have no patience with someone who does not understand how a woman “works”. I tell them what l want and how it is.

lt’s about passion, but maybe we need to change that word foreplay?

On a lighter note, nay be the clitoris should have come with a sign post?

greyhairnomore · 03/12/2023 08:53

@Whalewatchers I'm hoping you are being lighthearted , but please don't try and 'convince' your wife to have oral sex if she doesn't want to. My partner did this, if we don't want to, we shouldn't be pressured.

StarlightLady · 03/12/2023 09:59

I think I’ll have a sign over my bed and a tattoo on my lower tummy just to make sure. “No oral=No entry-No exceptions”.

cerisepanther73 · 03/12/2023 10:23

@StarlightLady

😂😂😂L.o.l

ILoveCreamCrackersMe · 03/12/2023 10:31

You're kidding yourself if you think most men don't want oral. They might put up with not getting any from their partner but given a choice the overwhelming majority would want it.

I've heard it's far more common for women not to want oral in comparison. Understandable given what goes on down there!

allgood3 · 03/12/2023 10:33

CissOff AntonFeckoff PermanentTemporary Fruitpotato I can't work out if you're being serious or not, talking about early societies, and copying animals and first humans? You do understand evolution? No ' first human' discovered sex, we evolved having sex over thousands of years. Unless you all believe in Adam and Eve as a true story it's very odd.

BIossomtoes · 03/12/2023 10:35

Just so you know, I don't enjoy giving blowjobs and I believe sex should be mutually enjoyable. I don't think either partner should do things they are uncomfortable with. I still find reciprocal pleasure important and enjoy figuring out ways to satisfy a partner, but wanted to let you know. I understand if this is a dealbreaker for you."

What an absolute passion killer that pompous little speech would be.

EmmaEmerald · 03/12/2023 10:55

greyhairnomore · 03/12/2023 08:53

@Whalewatchers I'm hoping you are being lighthearted , but please don't try and 'convince' your wife to have oral sex if she doesn't want to. My partner did this, if we don't want to, we shouldn't be pressured.

This.

Whalewatchers · 03/12/2023 10:57

BIossomtoes · 03/12/2023 10:35

Just so you know, I don't enjoy giving blowjobs and I believe sex should be mutually enjoyable. I don't think either partner should do things they are uncomfortable with. I still find reciprocal pleasure important and enjoy figuring out ways to satisfy a partner, but wanted to let you know. I understand if this is a dealbreaker for you."

What an absolute passion killer that pompous little speech would be.

Yeah, I think you could just say "Just so you know, I don't enjoy giving blowjobs (so I don't)" - you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone.

CBAanymoreTBH · 03/12/2023 11:00

I understand those thoughts. Whenever I'm in a period of celibacy, like now, I think wow that's all very weird...I won't be doing that again! I'm in my 50's so may well be true 😭