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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do complete strangers treat me like I'm something I stepped on?

117 replies

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 18:04

Just feeling upset after what was supposed to be a lovely night out visiting Father Christmas with dh & the kids..
It was sort of a wierd communal seating area with the food trucks at the event.. We found a seat & I went up to a van to get pizza. We were nearly finished when a man came over shouting to us to leave our seat as we hadn't bought it at his van.. I said the seat next to us also have pizza from x van, why aren't you shouting at them? He said it's my premises & you're eating food at my seats that weren't bought at my business. My little girl started crying so we just left feeling very embarrassed. He never challenged the other family
I feel so low as this sort of thing always happens me despite being friendly & always trying my best. Very upset here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 18:05

Just to add my daughter keeps saying the angry man ruined her santa evening 😢

OP posts:
ExTheCheater · 02/12/2023 18:08

Complain to the organisers.

peachgreen · 02/12/2023 18:10

Sounds unpleasant for sure. But I think with kids they look to you for your reaction to decide how they should react. So if you’d cheerily said “sorry, I assumed they were for everyone, never mind!” and been blasé in the face of his rudeness and aggression, your DD would have thought nothing of it and it wouldn’t have spoiled her evening.

Original poster
Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 18:10

I'll write an email but I just feel guilty, this type of thing always happens me😢 feel awful that my daughters evening was ruined. I thought the area was fine to use as another family was also eating pizza & to me the seating seemed communal..

OP posts:
ANightingale · 02/12/2023 18:12

If you'd stayed put, what could he have done? Nothing, save continuing to bluster and make a tit of himself.

Did the group eating the same pizza next to you by any chance include a man?

whimsicalmoon · 02/12/2023 18:12

A lot of people, particularly men, are bullies who pick on people they see as being easy targets. It's probably just that. I was randomly shoved in the street the other day by a very angry, very nasty looking, red-faced man. I was doing nothing wrong at all - he just felt entitled to the space I was taking up on a busy street. I'm sure he wouldn't have done it to a big strapping fella.

Butchyrestingface · 02/12/2023 18:15

Are you:

  • short
  • young looking
  • unintimidating looking?

Did the other group include:

  • attractive females
  • men?
CalistoNoSolo · 02/12/2023 18:15

OK you need to change your mindset here, which is already rubbing off on your daughter. The shouty man was unpleasant, but next time be a bit more proactive and positive and treat it as a funny thing that happened. How did your husband react?

Original poster
Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 18:16

My husband was there too & we said no initially but he went & came back two minutes later saying "you need to leave now. You didn't purchase food at my van".. Dd started crying so we just left. He had half heartily said it to the other family but targeted us

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 02/12/2023 18:16

ANightingale · 02/12/2023 18:12

If you'd stayed put, what could he have done? Nothing, save continuing to bluster and make a tit of himself.

Did the group eating the same pizza next to you by any chance include a man?

Doesn’t matter if there was a man there as if you read ops message she went with her DH so was with a man herself.

sadly perhaps the van owner gets sick of people sitting in his area without buying stuff from him. There should be signs maybe and he definitely shouldn’t have shouted at them.

WhatNoUsername · 02/12/2023 18:17

peachgreen · 02/12/2023 18:10

Sounds unpleasant for sure. But I think with kids they look to you for your reaction to decide how they should react. So if you’d cheerily said “sorry, I assumed they were for everyone, never mind!” and been blasé in the face of his rudeness and aggression, your DD would have thought nothing of it and it wouldn’t have spoiled her evening.

When people are rude and aggressive it's not always possible to respond perfectly. I find myself caught off guard as am not expecting it and respond before I've had time to process what's going on. I don't you should be blaming the OP for an unnecessarily rude and aggressive man. It's not her fault.

Usually when there are loads of vans and seating it's a free for all. Not section seating for each van so would have been similarly caught out by this. His reaction was ridiculous and unnecessary. Sorry that happened to ruin your evening and upset your child.

ComfyBoobs · 02/12/2023 18:19

Why are you so upset? You were sitting in the wrong place so he asked you to move. Sounds like you argued back.

I’d have said “oh sorry” and picked up my stuff. No drama and no need to ruin the evening. You’ll project a sense of victimhood to your DD if you’re not careful.

CalistoNoSolo · 02/12/2023 18:20

So in fact the shouty man asked the other lot to leave too? You really need to reframe how your perceive these kind of interactions. We all come across random shitty people but most of us just shrug and get on with our days.

Draoicht · 02/12/2023 18:23

CalistoNoSolo · 02/12/2023 18:15

OK you need to change your mindset here, which is already rubbing off on your daughter. The shouty man was unpleasant, but next time be a bit more proactive and positive and treat it as a funny thing that happened. How did your husband react?

This. There will always be the occasional aggressive idiot crossing your path. You need to model not overreacting or getting upset, being civil but assertive, for your child (and for your own sake).

IsItOverYetAndCanIComeOutNow · 02/12/2023 18:24

He was clearly an arse but my response would have been ‘oh, what? Apologies - I didn’t realise the seating was zoned. Can you point where we can sit?’ and that would have been it - we’d have moved (whilst probably saying ‘no need to be aggressive mate - it’s clearly not obvious to a few tables’). Had he continued to be an arse, I’d have told him he was an arse, moved and carried on with my evening. Me mum taught me resilience from a young age. Used to resent it. Now am most thankful.

VisionsOfSplendour · 02/12/2023 18:25

ComfyBoobs · 02/12/2023 18:19

Why are you so upset? You were sitting in the wrong place so he asked you to move. Sounds like you argued back.

I’d have said “oh sorry” and picked up my stuff. No drama and no need to ruin the evening. You’ll project a sense of victimhood to your DD if you’re not careful.

This, why are you taking it so much to heart, you did a wrong thing, intentionally, and a shouty man pointed it out, maybe more rudely that necessary

The normal reaction. Is, sorry mate, I did t realize and move from his seats

You are already giving your child a complex, it sounds like you expect to be a victim and interpret normal interactions like that

No need to complain, move on and don't take thing so personally

peachgreen · 02/12/2023 18:26

WhatNoUsername · 02/12/2023 18:17

When people are rude and aggressive it's not always possible to respond perfectly. I find myself caught off guard as am not expecting it and respond before I've had time to process what's going on. I don't you should be blaming the OP for an unnecessarily rude and aggressive man. It's not her fault.

Usually when there are loads of vans and seating it's a free for all. Not section seating for each van so would have been similarly caught out by this. His reaction was ridiculous and unnecessary. Sorry that happened to ruin your evening and upset your child.

Show quote history

I’m not blaming her for the aggressive man and of course she can’t help how it made her feel. But now she reacts is in her control, and it is that which will lead to her daughter’s reaction. As parents it is up to us to model behaviour we want our children to learn from, and sometimes that’s not easy.

Tomelette · 02/12/2023 18:30

ComfyBoobs · 02/12/2023 18:19

Why are you so upset? You were sitting in the wrong place so he asked you to move. Sounds like you argued back.

I’d have said “oh sorry” and picked up my stuff. No drama and no need to ruin the evening. You’ll project a sense of victimhood to your DD if you’re not careful.

This. Why wouldn't you just calmly move?

monicagellerbing · 02/12/2023 18:33

I get people speaking to me like this more often than my non fat friends. Any chance you're fat OP? I find being fat attracts people who think they can treat you like shit

Saggypants · 02/12/2023 18:33

I agree with pps, total overreaction from you and its rubbing off on your daughter, you've turned a mildly annoying person into a persecution complex and your daughter's in tears with her night ruined?! So OTT.

FYI the phrase is 'people looking at me/you like something THEY stepped in'... not that it's at all relevant here.

startquitting · 02/12/2023 18:34

ComfyBoobs · 02/12/2023 18:19

Why are you so upset? You were sitting in the wrong place so he asked you to move. Sounds like you argued back.

I’d have said “oh sorry” and picked up my stuff. No drama and no need to ruin the evening. You’ll project a sense of victimhood to your DD if you’re not careful.

100% this.

wjpa · 02/12/2023 18:40

most things in this country suffer from not enough facilities and space. It leads to arguments and ultimately aggro in society

anything from the food vans to schools to housing to the NHS has the same problem

i am not sure why you argued when you were first informed that you were in his seats. Ok sounds like he was rude and shouty and further had failed to label his seats clearly - but from your pov this was not worth an argument.

Giraffescarf · 02/12/2023 18:46

You need to perfect your terrifying look.
I reccommend at least one loud street argument to cement that you are not to be messed with and will argue back
Direct eye contact, draw yourself to your full height.
Arms to the side slightly a line to signify you are getting your hands ready.

penjil · 02/12/2023 18:47

How awful of the man to have an attitude like that!

Especially at a fun Santa event for kids. Totally not on!

A lot of these events are now full of bad-tempered and hard-line traders.

It's more about what money they can make, and if they aren't making any, it soon sours their mood!

I hope next time he's smacked in the gob by someone!

Nevermind31 · 02/12/2023 18:51

You need to get thicker skin. If it happens again and again it is either because they view you as an easy target (ie someone who carries themself without confidence) or you overreact.