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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do complete strangers treat me like I'm something I stepped on?

117 replies

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 18:04

Just feeling upset after what was supposed to be a lovely night out visiting Father Christmas with dh & the kids..
It was sort of a wierd communal seating area with the food trucks at the event.. We found a seat & I went up to a van to get pizza. We were nearly finished when a man came over shouting to us to leave our seat as we hadn't bought it at his van.. I said the seat next to us also have pizza from x van, why aren't you shouting at them? He said it's my premises & you're eating food at my seats that weren't bought at my business. My little girl started crying so we just left feeling very embarrassed. He never challenged the other family
I feel so low as this sort of thing always happens me despite being friendly & always trying my best. Very upset here.

OP posts:
Ffsnotaconference · 02/12/2023 22:58

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 22:55

@Ffsnotaconference he said it to them heart heartedly but never challenged & shouted at them as he did to us

Nah. He doesn’t have to shout to challenge someone.

You can challenge someone without shouting. You said he never challenged them.

anyway, I am out. I hope you find a way to deal with these situations.

Bearpawk · 02/12/2023 22:59

I was going to ask if you had social anxiety op. I think you should seek help for that as your general attitude sounds very negative and timid with a victims mentality and it's rubbing off on your daughter.
You were sat in the wrong place, bloke was stressed or rude and asked to move. I wouldn't give it a second thought tbh.

Lovedthosechips · 02/12/2023 23:06

There are three responses - sympathetic - Oh sorry hadn’t realised. We’ll be gone in a minute -smile - must be happening all the time. Where are the signs? these things are a nightmare sometimes aren’t they…

Politely challenging - oh what was that you said? Ok so like others I may have misunderstood but do you think shouting at us is going to help?

rude - don’t fucking speak to me like that. Then each time he speaks just repeat - go on fuck off then.

This covers every situation in life. People good at A would end up with a free pizza and would find out that angry pizza man had an unwell parent.

B is perfectly acceptable and is best delivered calmly with hard eye contact and measured tones.

C is great when someone is an arse but won’t be able to smack you in the face without risking their livelihood😂

As others have pointed out it’s your framing that is off. Some people are arses. A bloke walked into me the other day on purpose - meh what a twat - pure loser. Doesn’t reflect on me.

Horriblewoman · 02/12/2023 23:11

If your daughter said her day was ruined because a man asked your family to move tables then you absolutely need to work on both your and her resilience.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/12/2023 23:33

Guy was a prick.
Why didn't your dh say anything, btw?
I would email a complaint with all the details to the site mgmnt as advise if seating is in sections then signs should be posted.
And, I might also post on prick's web-site about how rude and abusive he was at the event about this.

Original poster
Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 23:36

Thanks everyone. I just feel that these events only happen to me.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 02/12/2023 23:39

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 22:06

Just to add I have awful social anxiety so for me this was hell😢

Have you got Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

Veryverycalmnow · 02/12/2023 23:42

Sounds like a prize tool. Don't stand for this treatment. Can you try and say positive things about the Santa night so your daughter has those as her lasting memories. She'll remember your reaction, so be strong and move on if you can. I know it's horrible being spoken to badly in front of your kids. I've had it on the bus and made sure I've said things like, "I bet he'd had a really hard day- what a shame he was so rude! Never mind, we are having a nice time still..."
Then, if you still feel you need to, get an email written to the organisers.

Original poster
Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 23:46

TheShellBeach · 02/12/2023 23:39

Have you got Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

Show quote history

Possibly I don't know but I do have server social anxiety.

OP posts:
Original poster
Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 23:48

TheShellBeach · 02/12/2023 23:39

Have you got Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

Show quote history

Googled this & it sounds very like me, 😢

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/12/2023 23:51

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 23:48

Googled this & it sounds very like me, 😢

Show quote history

But you weren't asked to "would you please move from the section reserved for this van if you aren't purchasing from us," were you? You were shouted at! You are not bu and I'd stop focusing on "am I too sensitive here?" Sometimes you gotta call a prick a prick.

StockpotSoup · 03/12/2023 00:24

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/12/2023 23:33

Guy was a prick.
Why didn't your dh say anything, btw?
I would email a complaint with all the details to the site mgmnt as advise if seating is in sections then signs should be posted.
And, I might also post on prick's web-site about how rude and abusive he was at the event about this.

And what do you think the response will be? “OMG, how dare he tell people to move from his seating area just because they’re not his customers?!?!”

StockpotSoup · 03/12/2023 00:24

Don't stand for this treatment.

😆😆😆

Draoicht · 03/12/2023 00:28

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 23:36

Thanks everyone. I just feel that these events only happen to me.

But you said earlier the man said it to people on a different table too?

MsRosley · 03/12/2023 00:37

OP, I do think as human animals we pick up on unconscious body language and social signals. Perhaps you give off a vibe of lack of assertiveness, and that makes you more of a target for bullies. (You see this clearly in dogs if you're a dog owner.)

Even the way we walk or sit can indicate to others how we might react. Perhaps consider assertiveness training, or do a martial art or some other sport that gives you more physical presence and self-confidence. You can turn this around.

Original poster
Somersby12 · 03/12/2023 00:47

Draoicht · 03/12/2023 00:28

But you said earlier the man said it to people on a different table too?

Show quote history

After we had pointed out to him that they were eating the same food as us. He didn't shout at them to stand up & leave as he did to us.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 03/12/2023 00:51

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 23:48

Googled this & it sounds very like me, 😢

Show quote history

That's okay. I've got it. Lots of people with ADHD have it.

It's hard. I understand how you feel.

WhateverMate · 03/12/2023 00:52

I get why you didn't stick up for yourself and your daughter and tell him to stop bloody shouting, but what's your husband's excuse?

Does he have social anxiety too, or is he just a wet lettuce that lets people shout at him/his wife and upset his daughter?

Original poster
Somersby12 · 03/12/2023 00:56

WhateverMate · 03/12/2023 00:52

I get why you didn't stick up for yourself and your daughter and tell him to stop bloody shouting, but what's your husband's excuse?

Does he have social anxiety too, or is he just a wet lettuce that lets people shout at him/his wife and upset his daughter?

He said we will be 5 minutes finishing our food then we will leave. There was nothing else that could be done except to square up to him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Somersby12 · 03/12/2023 00:57

TheShellBeach · 03/12/2023 00:51

That's okay. I've got it. Lots of people with ADHD have it.

It's hard. I understand how you feel.

Show quote history

I absolutely have adhd traits. I'm undiagnosed but that really resonated with me & describes me to a t

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 03/12/2023 00:59

Somersby12 · 03/12/2023 00:56

He said we will be 5 minutes finishing our food then we will leave. There was nothing else that could be done except to square up to him!

Show quote history

Oh don't be silly.

There's a whole valley between 'squaring up' to someone and telling them to stop shouting.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 03/12/2023 01:00

I'd have asked him where his signs to demarcate "his" tables were. No signs? So how are we supposed to know? Maybe he needs to improve this? Point out that shouting at people isn't good business sense. Point out that people passing won't buy from a rude person. Put him on the back foot essentially.

You need to learn some calm assertiveness and pass on a more resilient and less victimy attitude to your daughter. "Ruined her night" is very OTT and dramatic for a brief interaction.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 03/12/2023 01:08

Somersby12 · 02/12/2023 23:36

Thanks everyone. I just feel that these events only happen to me.

There are many many arseholes in the world and we do all encounter them, but how we react and how much we let it affect us depends on us. The

BlueEyedPeanut · 03/12/2023 01:15

I bet they guy often says the same thing to himself. Why do people treat him like that. This is his business. Those seats are for his customers. And people still refuse to move even after they realise they are in the wrong to sit there. It must be very frustrating for him.

Original poster
Somersby12 · 03/12/2023 01:16

BlueEyedPeanut · 03/12/2023 01:15

I bet they guy often says the same thing to himself. Why do people treat him like that. This is his business. Those seats are for his customers. And people still refuse to move even after they realise they are in the wrong to sit there. It must be very frustrating for him.

There was no signage & to us it appeared to be communal seating as all the food trucks were in the one area. We saw another family with pizza & assumed it was OK to sit there.

OP posts: