Why do complete strangers treat me like I'm something I stepped on?

[Somersby12]

Just feeling upset after what was supposed to be a lovely night out visiting Father Christmas with dh & the kids..
It was sort of a wierd communal seating area with the food trucks at the event.. We found a seat & I went up to a van to get pizza. We were nearly finished when a man came over shouting to us to leave our seat as we hadn't bought it at his van.. I said the seat next to us also have pizza from x van, why aren't you shouting at them? He said it's my premises & you're eating food at my seats that weren't bought at my business. My little girl started crying so we just left feeling very embarrassed. He never challenged the other family
I feel so low as this sort of thing always happens me despite being friendly & always trying my best. Very upset here.

I think your reaction is perhaps a wee bit disproportionate to what happened if I’m honest.

He said it to them after non committedly after we pointed out they were also eating pizza but he didn't actively pursue them & they were still there ten minutes later.

I agree that if “his” tables were exclusively for “his” customers, he should have had some sort of signage to that effect - you see this in a lot of food outlets.
However, I do agree that some men do have it in for those they perceive as easy prey - being short, overweight and female myself I have experience of this! I know it’s hard but cultivate a bit of presence - for instance, in this case, you were sitting so you could have stood up - instantly gives you more authority. As PP has said, stand weight on both feet, hands by your side and speak in a moderate tone and not too fast.
HTH.

Oh so he did say it to the other family?

This shouldn't have ruined your daughter's santa visit.

"Ok, keep your hair on mate" with a well place eye-roll should've sorted this one.

So he didn't spot them at first.

You mentioned it and he told them too.

If they were still there 10 minutes later that's because they chose not to move.

Well to be fair, she had her husband with her so there were two of them and one of him.

Not sure he would've seen that target as particularly easy, especially as he doesn't know them.

To be honest this happens me so much! I often feel like I can do nothing right.

You do seem to have a bit of an "Why does it always rain on me?" sort of attitude.

You can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them.

This would be a great lesson to teach your daughter.

Not sure why your daughter cried? Guessing you were clearly upset about it. Think it’s a confidence thing. I use to be a very shy child but am now very confident, and quite feisty woman now. If my kids are with me especially!

I would have definitely said “oh sorry I thought they were communal tables” and if he was still rude have called him out by calmly asking him to “calm down and please speak to me in a civilised manner” - to that he would probably get more riled up and then would even more calmly say “is everything ok, I really don’t understand why you are shouting about an honest mistake”. Just calmly and confidently do not stand for shit. I will not tolerate being shouted at. There are certain men who definitely think quiet looking women are fair game .

practice doing a “hard stare” in a mirror and “did you mean to be so rude” comment. Fake it until you feel it

OP it sounds like you need to develop your resilience a little. There are SO many bullies in life, often men. I have perfected my angelic smile and royal wave when some one is very busy road raging and causing themselves an aneurysm. Do stand up for yourself. The more you do it the easier it will become. It's also an important lesson for your DD to see you handling difficult situations with grace, while not allowing herself to be bullied by an aggressive over the top man.

Similar has happened to me, in a shop. Wrong queue scenario. Always take the higher ground and comply but point out that they did not need to be rude/shout - that’s all.

You should have got up and just said that yes, that is fine we will leave, it was not signposted, and there is no need to shout in front of children.

Make him look like an arsehole for being aggressive.

Van man was in fact correct but should not have shouted. He should have said please can you leave this area and explained why.

Totally agree with @Ange1233556 Do not allow people to shout at you. If they have not managed to grasp the concept of being a normal human being then I see it as my duty to help them understand, even if I have to speak very very slowly for them.

So he had to ask you to move twice, he did speak to the other family too and you were still boo-hooing? It’s all so over the top for a minor issue.

You say the other family were still there ten minutes later, but unless you sat and eyeballed them for that entire time, how do you know they didn’t buy a couple of cans of Coke or something from his van so that they could stay there?

@StockpotSoup no we didn't eyeball them. But he actually didn't approach them even though they had two pizza boxes. We said it to him that they have the same & he half heartedly said it to them. Then came back to our table & insisted we stood up while leaving them too it!

I just feel in general people have very little respect for me even complete strangers...

Just to add I have awful social anxiety so for me this was hell😢

So it’s gone from he didn’t challenge them. To he did challenge them but not in the way he challenged you?

Is there a chance that your social anxiety means you feel these things targeted at you are always worse than they are when they are targeted at others? And your kids picked up on it.

Dis you really need to leave the whole event?

Well you said you were nearly finished.

They probably weren't which is why they stayed an extra 10 minutes.

It sounds as though your DD will have social anxiety too if she doesn't already.

Well not exactly nearly finished, half way through. He could have left us alone but chose to target us. Even the table next to us sympathised (who had his food) & said they also had no idea the spaces were segregated by vendors as all seating is together..

In answer to your original question OP, and going by the info you’ve provided, I think you probably get the same number of encounters with annoying and difficult people as everyone else. But whereas most would brush them off or handle them in a less impactful way, you get very upset and it reinforces the belief you have that you are treated worse than everyone else.

It’s in your gift to change how you handle and perceive these events - it doesn’t help you to think of yourself as the perennial victim.

More importantly it is in your gift to avoid passing this along to your DD and to equip her with a more relaxed and positive attitude which will help her to find life easy.

Why must you keep changing the story?

One minute he didn't tell the others and then he did.

One minute you're nearly finished and the next, you're halfway through.

Just accept that you were wrong to sit there and that if you or your husband wanted to tell this man to stop all the 'shouting', you absolutely could have.

I never said he didn't tell the others to leave. I said we pointed out to him another family had pizzas too & why wasn't he asking them to leave. We were halfway through as a family, DH & I probably nearly finished but dd as she's only 8 is a slow eater & still had 2 slices left.

You said

He never challenged the other family

It’s In your Op. you typed that. Then you said he did.

I think this is all down to your own perception of incidents aimed at you.

And to be fair

’why aren’t you telling them off as well’ is a weird response.

Not sure why it wasn’t something along the lines of ‘sorry we didn’t realise, we will move but you don’t need to be rude and stop shouting’ would have been fine.

The whole not moving and saying ‘but look at them, what about them’ is more something children do.

Why did he need to come over twice? If you are so anxious why don’t you just move?

@Ffsnotaconference he said it to them heart heartedly but never challenged & shouted at them as he did to us