AIBU to think you should feed guests if you've invited them

[Lizziebest]

Visiting in laws today on a planned visit initiated by them. ILs are a bit odd about food and seem to eat tiny portions only in allocated slots e.g don't do lunch but breakfast at 7am and dinner at 6pm with coffees in between. When I've mentioned this being odd in the past they offer the thinnest sandwich I've ever seen so have given up trying to explain I think this is bonkers.

Usually I manage this by eating a lot before going but with a toddler and a baby I didn't eat any breakfast this morning. DH prepared all of the toddlers lunch and I didn't ask him to pack me anything. We arrived at 2. I'm starving. DH doesn't think this is weird and doesn't eat a lot himself but is happy to buy me food before and after. Sorely tempted to eat the left overs from toddlers fruit lunch and snacks.

Is it rude to pop out to the high street eat something and come back.

Aibu to think you feed people who you invite over?

I'm also breastfeeding!!

Okay last message for now but I wonder if all the non food offering hosts realise they probably have hungry guests?

Joking!

But there's definitely a clear split I wonder what causes the obvious difference in attitude? Cultural?

None of this money related everyone in scenario is comfortable (ILs v comfortable)

I'd be on the phone to Just Eat or Deliveroo

Oh, look — one of the virtuous non-eaters has arrived. Good for you that you can live on fresh air and the occasional green smoothie. The rest of us need to eat.
Oh look, one of those twats who makes up a load of shit about a stranger from the internet 🤣
Whatever keeps you occupied love, you sound a bit mad.

My Nanna used to say the warm feed others and the cold themselves.

She was right . I just don’t get how you can not have food there for family or visitors. Who fucking cares what time of day it is either. Food is fun , is joy, is togetherness. This nonsense of ,oh well, it’s past 12 pm now, too late, wait for dinner. It’s bullshit. .

So far they're saying OP could be the solution.

I actually think they are really fucking horrible. The fact that they - like a lot of older people - don't need to eat much doesn't excuse their appalling lack of hospitality. If you have people coming, especially a bfing mother and a toddler, you would have something to offer them. The bit about grudgingly allowing you a crap sandwich once and making you feel uncomfortable about it is unconscionable. It's bad enough when you're breastfeeding and looking after tiny kids, your body isn't your own and you get so hungry and tired. Making a mum feel bad for needing to eat is just nasty and unwelcoming.

I doubt "a piece of fruit or a biscuit" would have been enough for OP.

She needed a lot of food and created her own drama.

Can't wait to hear what you get served for dinner op.
Betcha dh gets a penis portion though..

They've obviously never breastfed. You do need to eat more. You use 500 calories a day

My in laws do this too! When we leave I am normally rushing about to leave with no time to eat. I get there starving and my partner is never hungry for some reason when we get there.
The option is for me to starve or go out to shop.
I personally think it is rude

I do think it's rude as a guest to arrive at 2 pm not having had lunch and then moaning about being hungry so this one is definitely on you.

The general eating habits of ILs sound weird but so does your attitude of turning up at a friends house proclaiming you are hungry and proceeding to order food at their house outside mealtimes. I think all parties involved seem to have some slightly unusual attitudes to food.

I doubt "a piece of fruit or a biscuit" would have been enough for OP.
Of course but as a grown woman who knew this about herself and knows the IL's dont do food, had the options of bringing her own food or asking for some. She did neither.
Yes I think its disgraceful they dont offer anything at all, I could never do this myself but you have to be responsible for yourself.

But sneaking out for a lunch and buying bags of snacks before a dinner albeit small, seems extremely unnecessary and dramatic before even asking. Especially since (I might be wrong) the MIL has not actually said "you cant have food/more food" or "you're not allowed into the kitchen" op is saying it's a vibe or a look...
Just be assertive and dont make it complicated

That was exactly my point

I think most people have three meals a day don't they?

Even if I didn't I'd like to think that I'd have something in for people arriving at 2pm to help themselves to a late lunch if necessary.

However knowing that they don't do this then it was up to you to make sure you ate & sod being late!

I don’t understand this post at all! You didn’t eat breakfast, or lunch so arrived at their house starving. Declined to stop at McDonald’s because you didn’t want to “be late”. From past experiences you know they do not eat lunch and probably would not offer you any food? But you still got your self into this position? Even if they are strange about food this one is completely on you.

When you arrived did they offer you and husband a drink??? Did your husband tell them you hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch? Did your husband offer to make you anything to eat? This is just so bizarre to me that your husband wouldn’t say anything and let you go off to buy food in town. Absolutely bizarre that you felt like you had to be “on time” but then leave as soon as you got there to get food.

She had lunch out and did a food shop. 😂

The minute she arrived!

And there's no way you could learn from this and, you know, eat before you go?

They've obviously never breastfed. You do need to eat more. You use 500 calories a day

At no point did I say breastfeeding women don't need to eat more. I said a panini, crisps and a banana plus 2 bags of snacks for before and after a dinner was too much. That's literally all I said.

That's a hell of a lot more than 500cals.

I find it bizarre in the extreme that anyone would invite someone round and not have some biscuits or something for an afternoon snack, or not offer your guests a sandwich or something if it was clearly between meals?

I'd actually be quite upset if I had visitors and they were hungry or thirsty.

@Punkkitty I’m Irish though and my mother would disown me if she thought for a second I did not do this. Completely standard for me I'm not Irish and I'm 100% with you!

And yes, @CurlyhairedAssassin I would absolutely accept a "no thank you"!

Some posters are seemingly so into the "I hate guests" thing they're happy to be rude.

Do you think she might be sighing because she thinks you're trying to make a point? ie mean, most people would turn up at 2pm having had lunch (on the way if necessary). You already knew you were staying for your evening meal. So from their point of view, to disappear off out soon after getting there to buy all that is slightly odd.

The whole situation is just odd!!! Why can you not all just communicate your needs to each other?! Why doesn't your DH, when invited over by the inlaws, ask them should you eat lunch first? Why, if you need to stop to eat on the way, don't you ring them on the way to say "Just letting you know we didn't have time for lunch at home so we've just stopped on the way for something, we'll be 20 mins later than we said."

I just can't imagine a family situation where you wouldn't have such basic discussion!

Personally I don't think that's a lot. I would eat way more than that. The hunger was unreal. The body needs lots of fuel when feeding a baba. And don't forget you use more calories than that. That's just on top

I'm so glad of my in law's! I walk in and invariably MIL has been baking, I mention or DH does that we're peckish and in a blink a buffet seems to appear 😂 there's also no issue with us helping ourselves, putting the kettle on etc. DS has to be reigned in from just raiding their pantry. They just laugh and say he can have whatever he wants. They're pescatarian and made us bacon sandwiches for breakfast last time we stayed. (They know we're all fine not eating meat but they like to make us welcome and know of DHs love of bacon sandwiches with tea strong enough it makes your hair stand on end)

It would seem odd to me if nobody offered food OP. DH and I went round to my in-laws house today and arrived around 2pm. My DMIL offered sandwiches, crisps, chicken nuggets or just a buttered roll if we wanted and my DM is the same. We were at my parents house having all just eaten 2 or 3 double rolls so sausage or bacon and potato scone followed by profiteroles. None of us could move and my DM was still worrying in case anyone was hungry and if she should get crisps and nuts out. My DH never eats lunch but will always offer food to others.

I wonder if there's a correlation between don't feed guests people and don't answer the front door unless someone has a pre arranged appointment people...
I am very much a help yourselves to anything, offer food , open the door to whoever knocks person. I do have both Scottish and Irish recent heritage though and this thread implies that means something. FWIW I also spent several years working for an Indian family owned and run business and culturally with visitors, food etc that was the same.