Adult DC BU? "I'm an adult" and "can't afford rent"

[Jellyb39]

My DC is 20 and doesn't drive but works evening shifts that usually finish at about 11. Sometimes they will pick a shift up and need to rush to work, making it my problem to get them there. Tonight, due to snow and cold but also general niceness I offered DC a lift home from work. Its 7 mins in the car.

I didn't have a Friday night drink and kept 9 year old up as DH out late. Me and 9 year old shivered as we drove to collect DC and when we got there DC came out as not quite finished shift and said lift didn't matter as friends were collecting them and going for a drive. I told DC that is out of order for the reasons above and DC went back in work and continued to text me telling me to go home and dared to say "I'm an adult" in the messages.

DC is worrying about paying lodge this month as on a zero hour contract and not had many hours. DC is looking for more hours or another job whilst trying to secure an apprenticeship. DC is asking for us to cover the lodge as a Xmas present. It's a bit late as I've already done Xmas shopping and that isn't a gift! DC feels we should support and be more flexible as won't be able to do much as will have no money.

DH is adament the lodge should be paid as a lesson in nothing in life is free. I could be more lenient but after seeing the words "I am an adult" I'm thinking DC can't have it both ways so lodge needs to be paid with no bidding for sympathy and reprieve?

It's two separate issues (the lift change of plans and the lodge money) but interested to know other people's thoughts and how you would handle either or both of the situations.

I am very cross with DC tonight at being happy to mess me about than just tell friends plans had already been made for me to collect!

I feel like the next time lodge is brought up I'm going to remind DC they can't pick and choose when to be an adult but maybe I am being childish with that?!

That's fine if that's what you want to do, but have a bit of empathy for people who aren't as privileged to be able to afford to fund their adult children.

The reason being that the government considers that people under 25 are not independent of their parents.

The only reason the government does that is because it makes it cheaper for them, not because they appreciate and understand everyone's circumstances. And whilst yes, it does mean parents may feel obliged to make up the shortfall, it doesn't mean they all can.

I moved back in with my parents for a couple of years after I graduated. By doing so, I took up a room they would have otherwise rented out. I ate food, used water, washed my clothes, and was generally around, using extra utilities. They couldn't afford this and I was working full-time, albeit in a low-paid job. So I paid them some housekeeping money to make up the shortfall I was causing.

It's not about the adult child funding the parents' lifestyle. It's about being part of a household as an adult, and contributing to that household.

The reason being that the government considers that people under 25 are not independent of their parents

I can't find the original post which said this. It's not true.

I agree wholeheartedly, lessons need o be learned by "adult".

The government considers that at 18 years you are non dependent- they have a scale of rent to pay,depending on your income. This is particularly for people claiming benefits who have non dependants over 18 living in the same home.

Here is the scale of rent from a non dependant - someone over 18

That's not about an adult dc under 25 not being independent of parents. This is about a non-dependant over 18 year old living with someone and how that affects benefits. Non-dependant could be a lodger or partner.

What?! Seriously that’s all you got my swearing which was ffs not for fuck sake

we’re not censored here just so you know.

@Dullardmullard well don't they mean the same thing? And yes that is all I got from your post as the rest of it is simplistic drivel. How many years would it take a person to save sufficiently for a house deposit when handing over a third of what is already a meagre sum every month.
I guess you are living up to your username if that's how you choose to express yourself

never, ever, ever. It's unfathomable to me!

1/3 of negligible is even less negligible. let's be real. not like he's earning 5k a month

No…….. the OP is charging her son rent because paying bills and budgeting is part of life. You’re not setting young adults up for life by letting them have all of their wages as disposable income.

If an adult aged child is working why should the other adults in the house pay for utilities, council tax and food and they don’t?

Unfathomable that not everyone can afford to fund another working adult?

Asking a 20 year old on minimum wage on zero hours to pay me rent or lodge or food whatever is unfathomable to me.

That's not what you said though, the post you quoted said they'd never charge their kids rent and you agreed.

The really sad, unfathomable bit is that we have 20 year olds working on zero hours contracts, who are unable to live independently of their parents. We really should be able to organise our economy such that healthy, able people can earn enough to live to a reasonable standard, independently of others. Because actually, not everyone can rely on their parents. And many parents will not be able to afford to subsidise their adult children, however much they might want to help.

Yes. and I still agree 100% . Your point is?

My point is can you really not fathom that some people can't afford to finance their adult working children, as I said previously.

There are jobs out there. My workplace takes on loads of young people with no experience. Sad to say I've noticed a lot of younger adults lack motivation though and I'm only 34! The younger ones in my team are the ones that always call in sick and put in as little effort in as possible, because they live with parents and don't have to worry about bills. Some do well though, one of our team leaders is 23 and they earn £32k.

I don't think a 20 year old earning peanuts is a logical definition of adult working children.

Yes but you said in general you find it unfathomable that people charge their adult kids rent. Not specifically OP's kid. And you still didn't answer the question.

err, Lady I do not work for you. You cannot command me to answer questions. I said what I said AND?????

For example, a 23 year old at my work lives at home and earns £32k as a team leader. I know her parents charge her rent as she's said. Do you think that's unfathomable?

I earn £23k. Damn right if my DS was earning 10k more than me and living at home then he'd be contributing to household bills. Not sure what's unfathomable about that.

I can’t understand how an adult/anyone over 18 wouldn’t want to contribute to their upkeep. You’d have to have raised a pretty selfish person who didn’t insist on contributing

I hope it stays fine for you.