Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Extremely annoyed

125 replies

raymayxx · 01/12/2023 18:09

My daughter who is 5 months old is sick, was in his hospital yesterday and wouldn't be surprised if she gets admitted again. My partner has pissed off on a boys holiday this morning knowing this leaving me alone with our sick child and toddler. Granted it was booked months ago but it's common sense to leave things like that over the sake of your children. My family are ripping in and saying all sorts about it a part of me wants to protect him but the other side is so angry. I've been left to deal with everything alone.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 01/12/2023 18:17

I'm sorry you've been left with it all, but I'm with your family.

TheShellBeach · 01/12/2023 18:20

That's really selfish of your boyfriend.

Does he usually do things for his own benefit and ignore the children's needs?

CesareBorgia · 01/12/2023 18:30

I can understand why you feel conflicted! Looking at it practically, your family are showing you solidarity - that's something you can listen to without having to either defend your partner or join in - just accept it for the show of support that it is.

When he gets back you need to talk to him about this - is it the type of thing he has form for? As a one-off it might be forgivable, if he's always leaving you in the lurch when things go wrong then you both need to have a serious rethink about the relationship.

Hoping that your daughter recovers soon Flowers

baileys6904 · 01/12/2023 18:32

To be honest, my son was in and out of hospital at least 3 times a year from being a few weeks old. They only usually allow one parent to stay with them at hospital anyway and there's not alot the other can do.

If the holidays been booked, for a while, I understand his point. I do also understand yours obviously, especially if this is your first child.

Families need to butt out tho and support rather than stir

Justmuddlingalong · 01/12/2023 18:42

He could be minding the older child at least.

Original poster
raymayxx · 01/12/2023 18:47

Justmuddlingalong · 01/12/2023 18:42

He could be minding the older child at least.

This is my argument, why should I have to leave my toddler with my parents while his dad is off on holiday. I don't know if it just a mum thing but I could never leave the country while my sick baby is in and out of hospital.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 01/12/2023 18:48

raymayxx · 01/12/2023 18:47

This is my argument, why should I have to leave my toddler with my parents while his dad is off on holiday. I don't know if it just a mum thing but I could never leave the country while my sick baby is in and out of hospital.

Show quote history

Neither could I.
I'd be horrified if my husband did this.

Behindyouiam · 01/12/2023 18:52

baileys6904 · 01/12/2023 18:32

To be honest, my son was in and out of hospital at least 3 times a year from being a few weeks old. They only usually allow one parent to stay with them at hospital anyway and there's not alot the other can do.

If the holidays been booked, for a while, I understand his point. I do also understand yours obviously, especially if this is your first child.

Families need to butt out tho and support rather than stir

I suppose the other parent could look after the toddler, like a decent parent would?

Smugandproud · 01/12/2023 18:53

Just asked dh what he thought and he was horrified.
He said the dc are just as much your dp’s responsibility as yours and he should have stayed home.
In fact he had a bit of a rant about feckless fathers.

Behindyouiam · 01/12/2023 18:54

baileys6904 · 01/12/2023 18:32

To be honest, my son was in and out of hospital at least 3 times a year from being a few weeks old. They only usually allow one parent to stay with them at hospital anyway and there's not alot the other can do.

If the holidays been booked, for a while, I understand his point. I do also understand yours obviously, especially if this is your first child.

Families need to butt out tho and support rather than stir

I presume OP is now reliant on the family, so they don't need to butt out at all!

Did you read the OP?

Aquamarine1029 · 01/12/2023 18:57

Your boyfriend is fucking useless, and I'm sure this isn't the only thing he's a selfish prick about. I'm betting your family hates him, with good reason.

Conkersinautumn · 01/12/2023 18:58

It's appallingly cold.

greencheetah · 01/12/2023 18:58

I would ignore any and all contact whilst he’s away.

Tbh I don’t think I could get over this.

nameychanger5678 · 01/12/2023 18:59

Sorry to hear about your dc, what was the hospital admission for?

Coyoacan · 01/12/2023 19:07

My already ex did similar when our baby was sick and it is the only in my life I've wished a car accident on someone

Coconutter24 · 01/12/2023 19:09

baileys6904 · 01/12/2023 18:32

To be honest, my son was in and out of hospital at least 3 times a year from being a few weeks old. They only usually allow one parent to stay with them at hospital anyway and there's not alot the other can do.

If the holidays been booked, for a while, I understand his point. I do also understand yours obviously, especially if this is your first child.

Families need to butt out tho and support rather than stir

If they only allow one parent to stay the other parent could be at home looking after the other child they have. If the child needs to stay in hospital he could also relieve mum of hospital time to give her time to get showered, see other child for an hour or 2.
Whether it’s first or second child sick children take priority over a holiday however long ago it was booked, that’s part of being a parent I’m afraid. Her family is supporting by helping look after the other child which the dad should be doing

WinterDeWinter · 01/12/2023 19:13

I totally agree in principle with you and your family - but in practice, I think I might feel - maybe - a bit differently if the holiday had cost a lot/ was a very special thing. And also what the baby was in hospital for - as a pp has said, mine was in at least twice for bronchiolitis in her first year and it was clear that they were not in any danger.

BUT all this would have been discussed with my OH saying 'honestly it's fine I'll miss it' and me calling my mum and asking what she thought and whether she'd be able to have the toddler. And I still probably would expect him to be absolutely forced to go.

SALWARP2023 · 01/12/2023 19:14

You are right to feel upset but don't communicate with him until he returns. Yes he is selfish but don't break up your family when.your mum is happy to look after you toddler. He may grow up but if you split up you will always deal with this type of thing alone. Also I would not have any more children with him unless he matures.

FreebieWallopFridge · 01/12/2023 19:18

This would be unforgivable for me

Catapultaway · 01/12/2023 19:27

I suppose it would depend what I/ hospital thought was wrong with her. But from his perspective I might be comfortable she had just been seen by a doc and they were happy to send her home. What did the hospital say when you had her in?

Tinkerbyebye · 01/12/2023 19:31

baileys6904 · 01/12/2023 18:32

To be honest, my son was in and out of hospital at least 3 times a year from being a few weeks old. They only usually allow one parent to stay with them at hospital anyway and there's not alot the other can do.

If the holidays been booked, for a while, I understand his point. I do also understand yours obviously, especially if this is your first child.

Families need to butt out tho and support rather than stir

@baileys6904

read the post again, she also has a toddler and has been left with both!

Unicorn34 · 01/12/2023 19:33

My daughter had an emergency C-section with first child. 4 weeks later her husband went away foe a week with,his mate as he 'didn't want to let him down'. I never felt the same about him again and still don't, several years on. It will change how they feel about him moving forwards but that's his fault. I hope your daughter gets better soon x

Appleass · 01/12/2023 19:36

I cannot believe a man thinks this is acceptable, he clearly thinks more of his friends than his partner and children. He's a selfish cee U next Tuesday

MissAmbrosia · 01/12/2023 19:39

Travel insurance should cover a cancellation due to a child in hospital. I would never forgive anyone who put a boys trip over a family emergency.

Whiskeypowers · 01/12/2023 19:43

That would be it for me. What a piece of shit to let you and his children down this way.
not only an unsupportive juvenile partner but a monumental failure as a father to young children when he is really needed.

these antics would kill any feelings and respect I had for him stone dead.