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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Extremely annoyed

125 replies

raymayxx · 01/12/2023 18:09

My daughter who is 5 months old is sick, was in his hospital yesterday and wouldn't be surprised if she gets admitted again. My partner has pissed off on a boys holiday this morning knowing this leaving me alone with our sick child and toddler. Granted it was booked months ago but it's common sense to leave things like that over the sake of your children. My family are ripping in and saying all sorts about it a part of me wants to protect him but the other side is so angry. I've been left to deal with everything alone.

OP posts:
ReadtheReviews · 01/12/2023 19:48

I would not be contacting him the entire time.

Nutellaonall · 01/12/2023 19:54

I know it was booked but my DH would never have planned a boys holiday in our baby’s first year anyway. They are sick all the time and you have a toddler in tow. He is being a bad father and partner.

Rogue1001MNer · 01/12/2023 19:56

I assume he is father to the children?

DysonSphere · 01/12/2023 20:00

What do we mean by sick? Why is your child in hospital?

It depends on what it is. If it's something that requires monitoring but isn't severe like !leukemia or something of that nature), I might be inclined to grudgingly support my partner going on a much prepped holiday.

Might.

neilyoungismyhero · 01/12/2023 20:05

@baileys6904 The OP has mentioned she also has a toddler to care for. Obviously if she has to accompany her baby into hospital the onus will be on her family to look after said toddler. I'm not surprised they're ticked off with her partner behaving like a single bloke, dumping his responsibility onto them.

Hankunamatata · 01/12/2023 20:07

What's wrong with the baby?

Behindyouiam · 01/12/2023 20:41

DysonSphere · 01/12/2023 20:00

What do we mean by sick? Why is your child in hospital?

It depends on what it is. If it's something that requires monitoring but isn't severe like !leukemia or something of that nature), I might be inclined to grudgingly support my partner going on a much prepped holiday.

Might.

What low standards! You think that leukaemia is necessary before he doesn't go?

Who looks after his other child whilst the other is in hospital?

doitwithlove · 01/12/2023 21:08

Unfortunately some men including my ex husband have this mentality. Football watching & playing, drinks with his buddies all took priority over me and his two children

Feellikedancingcrying · 01/12/2023 21:11

Did you ask him to cancel and he ignored your wishes and went anyway?
Or did you expect him to stay on his own accord, and said something like 'I think it will be fine, if you really need to go'?
I agree with you if it was the second option, he is still a wimpy wind of a man, but some man just need clear instructions and can't read between the lines (or think responsably for themselves).
But if things happened like the first option, I would listen to your family, yes you want to defend him (embarisment).
But this shows his true self and will only get worse if you stand for this one.
Good luck.

Feellikedancingcrying · 01/12/2023 21:13

embarrassment sorry 😂

Noshowlomo · 01/12/2023 21:14

I’d be horrified. Selfish prick

easilydistracted1 · 01/12/2023 21:17

At best this is a bit crap. A bit crap is if your little one is in for a routine issue, it's a very special occasion like his best mates destination and he respectfully checked with your family. Anything else, particularly if your child is quite poorly is very hard to forgive

mrmagpie · 01/12/2023 21:20

Feellikedancingcrying · 01/12/2023 21:11

Did you ask him to cancel and he ignored your wishes and went anyway?
Or did you expect him to stay on his own accord, and said something like 'I think it will be fine, if you really need to go'?
I agree with you if it was the second option, he is still a wimpy wind of a man, but some man just need clear instructions and can't read between the lines (or think responsably for themselves).
But if things happened like the first option, I would listen to your family, yes you want to defend him (embarisment).
But this shows his true self and will only get worse if you stand for this one.
Good luck.

Surely it doesn't matter which one of those it is? He's an adult man and father to TWO children, one of whom is in hospital, I'm pretty sure he will be capable of making a normal human decision about his priorities?

Which unfortunately he has done, and has shown that his family is not at the top of the list.

I would be appalled if my husband did this. Not that he would because he's a decent man. I don't think I could forgive it and totally see where your family are coming from Op, especially if they are now doing childcare.

electriclight · 01/12/2023 21:22

I would not expect an important holiday (best friend's stag do for example) to be cancelled if the illness is routine or normal childhood illness. You have family support and single parents do cope.

If he does it regularly, or it is a couple of nights in a Travelodge for someone's birthday, or if your baby is seriously ill, then yes I would expect it to be cancelled.

I guess it's up to you now what you do next.

itsmylife7 · 01/12/2023 21:25

Let me have a think.

Could I go on holiday having a piss up with the girls whilst my baby was sick in Hospital.....no fucking way.

What a total waste of space and your family have every right to slag him off.

You're probably very embarrassed about the fact he's done this and you're trying to justify it.

It just shows you how far down the line his children matter.

I hope your baby recovers soon OP.

Original poster
raymayxx · 01/12/2023 21:28

easilydistracted1 · 01/12/2023 21:17

At best this is a bit crap. A bit crap is if your little one is in for a routine issue, it's a very special occasion like his best mates destination and he respectfully checked with your family. Anything else, particularly if your child is quite poorly is very hard to forgive

My daughter has multiple infections and has had respiratory distress in the past 48 hours. has been tube fed for the past 30 hours due to dehydration because she's been so lethargic she hasn't physically had energy to drink. we was told we could go home last late on very strict rules to bring her back to the ward if she declines again witch is likely as she is still very sleepy and fatigued, on and off fevers We have to go in everyday to asses feeding until she capable to feed again herself. The holiday is no special occasion just a boys drinking trip that he really really doesn't want to miss out on

OP posts:
Crishell · 01/12/2023 21:31

Yea.

That's shit. Unforgivable actually.

Lifesapurpledream · 01/12/2023 21:35

I could never leave knowing my baby was so ill. And also the stress on you and having to get family to look after your toddler. Surely he would be too worried to enjoy the trip anyway. Crazy. So sorry 😞

TheShellBeach · 01/12/2023 21:38

.............just a boys drinking trip that he really really doesn't want to miss out on

Well IMO he's a selfish pos then.

LittleGreenDragons · 01/12/2023 21:40

easilydistracted1 · 01/12/2023 21:17

At best this is a bit crap. A bit crap is if your little one is in for a routine issue, it's a very special occasion like his best mates destination and he respectfully checked with your family. Anything else, particularly if your child is quite poorly is very hard to forgive

What routine issue is there that requires a baby to be in hospital? The baby is 5 months old and is sick. They can rapidly go downhill at that age.

The mother needs supporting. The toddler needs looking after. The baby might need extra parental care. He does NOT need to be pissing his wages up the wall during this time.

OP - I'm not sure I could look at my partner in the same way again. Hope baby recovers quickly Flowers

Nicole1111 · 01/12/2023 21:50

What a horrible self obsessed toad. Did he even had the decency to discuss it with you? Has he been checking in? Does he seem suitably sheepish and ashamed when he does? I hope your little one is ok and you’ve got lots of support from family and friends.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 01/12/2023 21:56

baileys6904 · 01/12/2023 18:32

To be honest, my son was in and out of hospital at least 3 times a year from being a few weeks old. They only usually allow one parent to stay with them at hospital anyway and there's not alot the other can do.

If the holidays been booked, for a while, I understand his point. I do also understand yours obviously, especially if this is your first child.

Families need to butt out tho and support rather than stir

@baileys6904

'Not a lot the other one can do'

No, not a lot.....nothing like look after the toddler so mum can focus on the baby & not worry about the toddler, need extended family to look after the toddler!'

Pinkpinkpink15 · 01/12/2023 22:03

greencheetah · 01/12/2023 18:58

I would ignore any and all contact whilst he’s away.

Tbh I don’t think I could get over this.

I'd change the locks & tell him to work out a rota with his mates where he'll stay until he finds his own place!!

@raymayxx I wouldn't feel very connected with a bloke who went off on a lads break when the baby was so unwell (even if I didn't have a toddler). If I only had the baby I'd be ok for a family wedding or something important, not a lads break. With the toddler as well, NO fucking way.

it would be the end for me. Don't be defensive because your family is right! I hope they can look after the toddler for you, but dickhead should be at home with the toddler. For both your sake & the toddlers.

hope DD doesn't need admitting again xx

Tistheseason17 · 01/12/2023 22:14

My DH says, what sort of Dad even books a boys holiday when they have a 5 mth old and toddler- clearly you would need help.
Leaving his baby whilst sick says a lot. He put his needs above his family's.
I'd dump him, tbh.

sqirrelfriends · 01/12/2023 22:26

raymayxx · 01/12/2023 18:47

This is my argument, why should I have to leave my toddler with my parents while his dad is off on holiday. I don't know if it just a mum thing but I could never leave the country while my sick baby is in and out of hospital.

Show quote history

Not leaving the country while your child is in hospital isn’t a mum thing, it’s a caring parent thing.

Im so sorry he’s left you with all this to deal with, it sucks and I’d be livid.