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Original poster

Anyone else feel bad they’ve not done elf on the shelf?

140 replies

Blackdore · 01/12/2023 12:44

My son is 5 and we’ve never done it. I was considering it this year, but I decided not to…DP thinks it’s ridiculous.

I’m now seeing posts on Facebook, instagram and TikTok showing the elf doing silly things and not just the elf, but also a 1st December box, a North Pole breakfast etc etc.

My son got an advent calendar and that is it!

OP posts:
Covetthee · 01/12/2023 12:46

Nope, the school message group is filled with the constant pics of what everyone is doing and its really annoying, most do it for social media anyways which makes it more annoying.

I Have no interest in it or the time really. I feel a bit bad cause kids will be talking about it at school but i did December box with pj’s and advent calendar and that’s enough I think.

there is so much pressure to do so much, we all want to make it magical but at some
point it can be too much.

mauvish · 01/12/2023 12:48

It's a recent commercial invention and I'd fight against it all the way.

Don't feel bad. Do other xmassy things - go to look at the lights, visit a santas grotto, make some garlands or things for the tree, even (dare I say it) take your son to see a church to see the "alternative Xmas". (I'm not religious but anything that counterbalances the rampant commercialisation of public holidays can't be all bad!)

OneLollipop · 01/12/2023 12:48

Nope

DappledThings · 01/12/2023 12:48

Nope. Never done a North Pole breakfast, Elf, Christmas Eve box, Christmas bedding. Not a smidge of guilt about it.

Twentypastfour · 01/12/2023 12:49

No. I don’t know anyone doing it, thank God.

Of course influencers do it - it’s more content isn’t it?

turkeyboots · 01/12/2023 12:51

No.

Helped by DD being terrified by the one in school. Moving dolls are horror movie stuff, not a bit Christmassy.

egowise · 01/12/2023 12:52

Hahaha no. Not even a little bit.

IamFamousIam · 01/12/2023 12:52

I am so relieved I didn’t start this malarkey!

It is just another commercialisation of Christmas along with Christmas Eve boxes and matching PJs.

I think it just invites questions and actually spoils some of the mystery of Santa.

And I absolutely love Christmas!

snackcurator · 01/12/2023 12:53

DappledThings · 01/12/2023 12:48

Nope. Never done a North Pole breakfast, Elf, Christmas Eve box, Christmas bedding. Not a smidge of guilt about it.

This! We bake, decorate the house, they have an advent calendar. It's enough for us.

Viewfrommyhouse · 01/12/2023 12:54

Nope. Never done it. Ds is 8. He doesn't seem too scarred by the lack of it. I've got enough to do as it is.

MustardChair · 01/12/2023 12:56

I think elf on the shelf is creepy! But I am not from the UK so had never heard of it before I came here and had DCs.

Christmas eve boxes, new pjs etc- all new to me.

We do the following;

  • Christmas market or two- carefully selected in order to ensure they have bratwurst and mulled wine and hot chocolate
  • Christmas film watching at the same time as putting up the tree

That;s it. This year I will stretch to a Pantomime which we have also never done.

SutWytTi · 01/12/2023 12:57

What you see on social media is completely skewed. You don't see all the people - like me - who don't post about their perfectly lovely and very enjoyable Christmasses that don't involve all this commercial stuff.

Get off social media, it fucks with your head.

Bleepbloopbluurp · 01/12/2023 12:57

Not at all.

I love Christmas and go all out with decorations, making the house cosy etc but the elf seems like a burden. Plus I don't think it existed when my children were small.

For those with small children (maybe 3 or 4 upwards) now, may I recommend this book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Santa-Really-Works-Alan-Snow/dp/1416901507#:~:text=Book%20overview&text=Beneath%20the%20Arctic%20Polar%20Ice,stain%20on%20his%20red%20velvet%3

It has amazing illustrations and my children used to spend hours looking at it, so it has become part of our Christmas traditions. I may get it out tonight now it is December! Kids are 14 and older and I bet they'll love it still!!

Wonderblue · 01/12/2023 12:57

People are so negative and superior about elf on the shelf. We just do the elf brings the calendars then he moves around the house each night, leaving a chocolate in their calendar each night (we have one we fill ourselves). Doesn’t do anything crazy or ‘naughty’. It’s not a huge deal, isn’t for social media, and my god the kids love it! The joy it brought this morning. DS was whispering to the elf before he left for school, about how happy he was to have him come to stay. If you want to do it OP you can and can keep it very simple. There’s only a couple of years where they’ll believe in this sort of thing, so why not.

YOOHOOHEYITSME · 01/12/2023 12:58

google the dangers of elf on the shelf
its can really effect kids mentally and emotionally

i know a 6 y old boy who was petrified of it at 3 (a family member)

they only did it the once and he went hysterical with fright and would not enter his bed room or sleep for months, if he saw it in the shop he would go mental. they had to move house in the end

he thought it was really alive and running around his bedroom when he was asleep and every thing he did was written down and sent back to Santa

my boys are too old but i would never do it as its original premise is a emotionally blackmailing tool at the end of the day

ie what you do he(elf)tells Santa on you

same with these elf cams

Beenaboutabit · 01/12/2023 12:58

Advent calendars

Tree up a week before r so before Christmas

A pantomime

Open presents on Christmas Day

That’s plenty

Icantsleepagain · 01/12/2023 12:59

No I don't feel bad. Not one bit.

helloooitsmeee · 01/12/2023 13:00

YANBU however, I did make a last minute dash to Home Bargains last night to pick up an elf, as I didn't want my LG to go into pre-school and feel like she was missing out

Retrievemysanity · 01/12/2023 13:02

I’ve never done it but have friends who do. Some of the stuff they put on FB is quite funny and creative and it’s nice to see. Each to their own and all that. I think my kids have enough. They have an advent calendar, go ice skating and panto and usually a concert or two. I don’t feel the need to add more work and pressure with an elf.

CurlewKate · 01/12/2023 13:03

All these things are just commercial exploitation. It's horrible and pressurising and adding stress to women's lives. Because nobody ever suggests that men organise it, do they?

20 years ago I invented an Advent Calendar
Fairy who had special handwriting and delivered the calendars with a letter. I am still having to remember the writing (there is also Easter Bunny writing which is different!) and now I have to post the bloody things in time as well! Bad enough that I inflicted this on myself-the thought of Big Business inflicting this on me is awful.

LickleLamb · 01/12/2023 13:05

It’s also lying to DCs (at least when little) -I don’t like that part

sardinesatemysandwich · 01/12/2023 13:05

I used to volunteer in a primary, most of the class did not have the elf, I used to reassure children that they don't visit all the houses and that he doesn't come to mine (yes he did but my children were much older at this point and I did it really early on like 2008 or something) and I never wanted a child to feel left out. The fucker still has to make an occasional appearance and my children at 20 and 17. So if you start this he may never die. Grin

It take a lot of mental load which I was happy to do but honestly, don't start it if you don't want to. Don't feel pressured by social media posts of people trying to outdo each other with it.

Christmas was magical before the elf made an appearance, it is magical still.

MrsMiddleMother · 01/12/2023 13:07

Yanbu, it's easy to feel bad for not doing it when it's all over social media etc. I don't do it and won't, I don't like the idea of it at all but even then I've had moments of thinking I should just because others are.
We don't do Christmas eve boxes either but equally love Christmas bedding/pjs and will do a 'North Pole breakfast' this year for the first time. Just gotta do what's best for you.

Mamette · 01/12/2023 13:07

I have never done it and I do feel a tiny bit cruel, but also delighted that I don’t have to add this to my Xmas task list. Which is long.

A magical force puts chocolate into today’s compartment in the advent calendar. In the DC’s consciousness it’s vaguely an angel (?) - however we are not religious and they don’t really care as long as the chocolate is in there when they open it! Calendar cannot be pre-filled as they would just open them all on day 1. Well that was the rationale when they were toddlers and it stuck.

We also have a nutcracker who occasionally sends a message but that’s it.

PollyPeep · 01/12/2023 13:08

Were your christmasses magical as a child. I can bet they were and I can bet your parents didn't do elf on a shelf lol. Delete social media. I don't have social media and most of these kinds of posts go straight over my head because I have no idea what I'm "supposed" to be doing. We do advent calendars, decorate, we bake cookies and that's about it. No "Santa's grottos", no elves, no Christmas eve boxes (what are those even supposed to be? Christmas eve is exciting enough!). Our kids are so excited about Christmas because we're doing things together and the decorations are pretty. AND they get presents at the end of it! They don't care about some made up commercial thing, and yours don't either.