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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else feel bad they’ve not done elf on the shelf?

140 replies

Blackdore · 01/12/2023 12:44

My son is 5 and we’ve never done it. I was considering it this year, but I decided not to…DP thinks it’s ridiculous.

I’m now seeing posts on Facebook, instagram and TikTok showing the elf doing silly things and not just the elf, but also a 1st December box, a North Pole breakfast etc etc.

My son got an advent calendar and that is it!

OP posts:

SingingSands · 01/12/2023 14:17

Nope.

One of my friends has been doing it for 10 years, but this is her last year of it. Another friend the same, but still has younger kids - it'll be 16 years by the time she finishes. They had both committed to doing it until the end of primary school. Fools!!!

Outwiththenorm · 01/12/2023 14:20

No elf in our house. I wouldn’t actually mind thinking up tricks and the moving it around - but I’ve always found dolls extremely creepy and DC have inherited that from me. Maybe we could do a stuffed reindeer instead…? 🤔

We do do Christmas Eve boxes however as they’re no biggie - Christmas mug, empty stocking, a pop-up Twas the night before Christmas and a Snowman dvd. What more is needed?

Blughbablugh · 01/12/2023 14:21

Absolutely not. My dd is 6 and I don't think she even knows it's a thing. I find the fucker really creepy and glad I never started it as I'd find it so tiresome having to move it around the house every night. She has an advent calendar and is more than happy with that!

berksandbeyond · 01/12/2023 14:25

Don’t do it if you don’t want to, but don’t shit on other people for doing it either (saying it’s only for social media etc). I do it because it makes my little girl happy. That’s my choice. Yes I’ve got enough to do, but if I can make her life a little magical then I will, and I really don’t care if anyone wants to be snotty about that!

Wonderblue · 01/12/2023 14:26

JamSandle · 01/12/2023 13:50

I've always thought it's one of those things people do for social media. I don't think children particularly care about it.

Yeah literally the opposite here. Nothing goes on social media and the kids love it.

Yorkshiredolls · 01/12/2023 14:29

Nope Im glad weve not got into that rediculousness

Bagpuss2022 · 01/12/2023 14:48

We had one for years think from about 2007/8 it didn’t do much and nothing posted on social media but the joy it brought was fantastic especially as we were a military family and DH had a exact replica and he used to send the kids photos in emails of what to got up to on deployment.
our Eldest two are adults now and youngest is 14 she’s away on a school trip but the little bugger still made an appearance this morning on her bed ready for when she gets home.

GlasgowGal82 · 01/12/2023 14:50

Nope, my kids are 7 and 10 and I thank my previous self daily during December for never having gotten involved in that nonsense 😂

TheKeatingFive · 01/12/2023 14:52

Of course you shouldn't do it if you don't want to. Why is that even a question?

We do it and love it, but each to their own. 🤷‍♀️

TheKeatingFive · 01/12/2023 14:55

Yeah literally the opposite here. Nothing goes on social media and the kids love it.

Yup me too. I have no kids stuff on SM at all. I do it because the kids really love it.

APurpleSquirrel · 01/12/2023 14:56

No, we don't have an elf. Fortunately DC's school do it for us & have one from the beginning of December until they break up for the holidays.
We DC asked if we could have one I explained what they do & why they're here & DC decided against it. Very relieved as I know it would fall to me to organise every night.
We do advent calendars, new PJs on Christmas Eve, a pantomime, Santa Grotto etc so we do plenty.

WarriorN · 01/12/2023 14:58

Fuck no.

TheCatfordCat · 01/12/2023 15:02

Never done it.

AlltheFs · 01/12/2023 15:05

My DD is just 4 and knows nothing about it yet so I am keeping it that way.

I imagine I might have to start the whole nonsense when she is bigger.

LoreleiG · 01/12/2023 15:06

I have never done it because I am not organised enough to. It is a nice idea but I have too much else to do. Never regretted it. My kids mentioned it once and I told them the Elf sadly didn’t come as far as our house.

2dogsandabudgie · 01/12/2023 15:06

I'm so glad this wasn't around when my children were small. I hate dolls, find them really creepy so this would have freaked me out. Not if someone paid me would I have done it. What if you woke up in the morning and he wasn't where you thought he was!! Stuff of nightmares.

Allfur · 01/12/2023 15:07

I don't really know what it is

Wendyspotatopeeler · 01/12/2023 15:08

I wish I'd never started it. It was fun for the first few years. 10 bloody years later and I'm all out of fun activities for the elf to do.

honeylulu · 01/12/2023 15:17

No. It wasn't a thing when my eldest was little (there's nearly 10 years between my kids) so I wasn't inclined to start it with youngest. She has asked why we don't have one and I said I wrote to Father Christmas asking him not to send an elf because they make too much mess. She was a bit put out but accepted that. She's now 9 and "knows" the truth about FC and the elves but wants to maintain the fiction. (So basically she knows what I'm saying is that I couldn't be arsed to mess up my own house and pretend it was the hilarious elf.)

Her class teachers have done the elf every year so she's not really missed out.

I don't do 1st Dec boxes or Christmas Eve boxes either. Am I mean? I did get her some Christmas pyjamas which she'll have tonight but she needed new winter pjs anyway. And I do the sweets in the shoes on St Nicholas' day (6th Dec) which is a tradition I picked up from our Dutch family friends. But by Christmas day they will have stocking and presents under the tree ... so much stuff! They don't need presents on Christmas eve too.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 01/12/2023 15:18

No. Not once.

My youngest (who is 12 now) asked me about Elf on the Shelf when he was about 6ish? I said they were only needed in houses where the children were really naughty. Or something similar.

I was never going to pick up some additional Christmas habit that literally came into play after my kids were born. Even though I adore Christmas in general.

randomstress · 01/12/2023 15:36

I didn't do it for a few years but my dc really enjoyed it when we finally started.
Now they are teens and it's all in the past we all miss it a bit.
I'm glad I made the effort to be honest although at the time I did curse to myself sometimes about ever having started it.

nutbrownhare15 · 01/12/2023 16:05

Nope! I don't feel bad. One extra to do for mums every day in the run up to Christmas, no thanks. Didn't vote as wasn't sure if the aibu was for not doing it (yanbu) do it or to feel bad about it (Yabu).

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 01/12/2023 16:11

Nope. We do advent calendars here, tree up this weekend with some Christmas treats, Christmas biscuit baking next weekend.
But no elf, no breakfast, no Xmas eve box. It's all too much imo.

WhoNeedstheKwikEMart · 01/12/2023 16:16

Nope. I work damn hard to give magical christmases. But I refuse to buy into that nonsense. They absolutely get enough at Christmas and I’m not taking on anything else.

The kids have asked why they don’t have an elf. “Why does the elf visit them and not us?” I said “it’s just the parents moving it around, it’s not real” (and asked them not to tell their pals - they’re good kids and they wouldn’t want to ruin it). Once they found that out they could not care less about the elf.

Naptrappedmummy · 01/12/2023 16:19

DappledThings · 01/12/2023 12:48

Nope. Never done a North Pole breakfast, Elf, Christmas Eve box, Christmas bedding. Not a smidge of guilt about it.

Same. The pressures piled onto mums these days is ridiculous and there is no doubt in my mind it’s a contributing factor to so many women feeling overwhelmed and burned out

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