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Original poster

Adult children - feeling a bit unloved

361 replies

mindsetchange · 01/12/2023 08:06

Is this just the way it is, for a lot of us Mums of adult children? My kids are mid 20's. They have successful lives. They have good jobs and relationships. I am very grateful for that. But.... I don't feel important to them. Maybe that's how it should be?

If I send a Whatsapp message, it sits unread for days. They don't visit often. There is definitely nothing "wrong" between us, because when I do see them, we have a great time. There have been no fall outs or anything. I think they are probably just enjoying their very full lives and I've been left in the dust, so to speak.

I have a good DH, and a good life. I think I need to somehow stop thinking about them all the time. How does one do that? Can anyone resonate with this? I sometimes see women who seem to be the "Matriarch", but that is definitely not me. I spoiled them rotten (still do), I really went overboard to compensate for me divorcing their Dad (he cheated lots). Bizarrely, he seems to be on a pedestal as well.

OP posts:
Shrammed · 01/12/2023 13:21

If anything my DH sides with them, if I look as though I'm worrying too much about something.

If your DH and your kids are saying you fuss and worry to much then you must be doing so.

I wonder if you are trapped in a cycle of worrying and thus fussing too much making kids want to contact less making you worry more.

I had to limit information to my parents as their anxiety was just too much to deal with - and travel plans I'd have weeks trying to talk us out of with bizarre predictions of doom - DH also learnt hard way to limit some information - both our parents struggled to see us as adults - made worse late 20 early 30s when we had kids. I really don't want to do that to my own kids - but then I envy the weekly phone calls and regular trips back our parents had with us.

EllaPaella · 01/12/2023 13:21

I think that once they settle down and have kids you will start to see a lot more of them. 20's are a decade of living away from home, working hard, paying hard and socialising with friends a lot. Tough but your DC sounds entirely normal!

Ilovelifeverymuch · 01/12/2023 13:22

jeaux90 · 01/12/2023 08:18

Sounds like you did an amazing job as a parent. We are supposed to bring up independent adults.

Time to do more of what you want.

Bringing up independent adults doesnt mean you don't need to maintain a relationship with your parents when you become an adult. This is one of the causes of acute loneliness in our elderly people because our adult children are "independent".

It's more bringing up selfish and self centered adults.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/12/2023 13:26

Some people are saying you need to treat them as equals, a fellow adult, a friend

some are saying you need to be always the one to make an effort cos you’re their parent, every time you see them you gotta buy them food etc…but who acts like that with their friends?! They can’t have it all ways. So which is it?!

JANEY205 · 01/12/2023 13:28

anythinginapinch · 01/12/2023 08:34

Same. I think, they'll get in touch if anything is actually wrong in their lives so no news is good news. I recall finding my DM low on my list in my 20s (mind you, I am a much better, less annoying mum than she was!). The idea of speaking weekly is too much for me. I take mine away for a week in the summer all paid for them and that way I do get a "reset" time with them but I'm lucky I can afford to do that.

No one loves us like a 3 year old tho - the fact is we are less essential to life than we were, for them. And that's a good thing. But painful yes.

As a mum of a 3yo who can be really really tricky sometimes (as can all toddlers) this made me cry. Thank you!!

OP this sounds so tough. I’m definitely a lot closer to my Mum now that I’ve had children of my own and have hit my 30s. I call my Grandmother most days and my Mother once a week (she works a lot!! And we have a time difference to contend with too but we text most days).

My husband calls his mother weekly and if we have any big news to share! We try to see both parents yearly at least as we live away from them all and miss them terribly. I noticed an uptick in how often my husband called his mother once he had children and got married actually and it was the same for me as we were both home more and became a lot more family focused vs in our 20s being on the go and traveling non stop!

Keep inviting them to yours OP, keep arranging family dinners to catch up, make sure you’re calling and texting them. I’m sure it will improve!

Macandcheeese · 01/12/2023 13:31

I wish my parents wanted me to see them. They want nothing to do with me because I chose to make a decision they didn't agree with. Your kids are very lucky to have a mum like you 💛

JANEY205 · 01/12/2023 13:31

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/12/2023 13:26

Some people are saying you need to treat them as equals, a fellow adult, a friend

some are saying you need to be always the one to make an effort cos you’re their parent, every time you see them you gotta buy them food etc…but who acts like that with their friends?! They can’t have it all ways. So which is it?!

I expect to hear from my Mother and MIl if we don’t contact them. As it is we take turns, but I have another family member who would never call us if we didn’t call them and it definitely is aggravating! Contact flows down. Parents are responsible for continuing contact in my opinion. In most families it ebbs and flows but I would expect my parent to maintain contact if they didn’t hear off us!

Both parents always offer to pay when we see them, we often times pay for them or split the bill or take turns but up until my late 20s my family would always treat me and it was massively appreciated! I will do the same for them now they are older.

FreshWinterMorning · 01/12/2023 13:39

I 100% get you @mindsetchange I've got two daughters. (mid to late 20s.) One lives 20 miles away and one lives 30 miles away. I'm in my mid 50s and so is DH ... They have both been to university, they have both got partners - one is married, they have both got successful professional careers, and they both bought a house with their partner within the past 2 years. They have many friends, and very busy lives.

They can easily go three days without any contact. I do send WhatsApp messages - and sometimes they will answer within five minutes sometimes it's 3 or four hours, occasionally it's several days. I do see them on Twitter and Instagram. quite a lot, and they don't respond to me for a couple of days, which I do find a little bit irksome ... I think 'well you have the time to post on here, but not to send me a quick whatsapp message back?' Confused But I know they don't do it deliberately. Something else probably comes up as they are about to message me.

They've both got about 20 friends each. (I'm not kidding you!) From college and school and uni. and very, very full lives. They travel a bit with work, and they go away a lot - abroad on weekend trips, and to London, Edinburgh, Brighton, Bournemouth, Devon, and other places where they have old uni friends, and other people they know. It's can be a bit hard to pin them down for a visit, and we have to plan it several weeks in advance! I gave up phoning them to have a chat, because they never EVER answered.

They visit us about once a month and we visit them once a month in between. So we see them every two weeks if you see what I mean. We go a day trip together. (Me, DH, and the 2 DDs,) to the beach - in the summer, and we will go to see a show another time, and we will go for 2 or 3 meals together during the year. (Their husbands don't come on the day trip, and will come to one of the meals.) Neither of them are planning on having any children anytime soon. Although probably they will one day. The older one says she would like one in about five years.

We go to the oldest DD for Christmas day, for a couple of hours, (because she lives in the middle of me and DH, and our youngest.) Me and DH leave on Christmas day at about 1pm and have the rest of the day/our Christmas meal on our own... They all come to ours for Easter, and spend 2 or 3 ours on Easter Sunday with us.

Upshot is, they really, really, really don't need me (or DH,) and it does sting to be quite honest with you. I know it's natural, and I feel me and DH must have done a good job for them to be so independent and successful. But it makes my heart a little bit sad that they don't need me, for anything...

Not far from me, there's 4 or 5 families who have got between 15 and 20 family members within 15 minutes walk - and they're always popping in for coffees, going for a walk together, going on a day trip together, (two or three times a week for the six weeks during the summer holidays!) Going to the bingo together, having big family BBQs in summer, and all the little cousins play together.

3 of 4 generations of family are all there for each other all the time, and they gather at the gran's - or great gran's for special occasions and have big family parties. I do get so envious of this and long for my daughters to live closer to me and DH, and have a couple of kids each, and have the kids running to my house, to come and see nan and grandad for an hour or so. I would take them to the zoo or the woods or the park and play with them, and bake cakes with them, and have a great time. Grin

I grew up with this situation - living close to about 20 family members and they'd all pile into my nan's house on Christmas Day, and go to the oldest uncle's house on Boxing Day for a great big family get together, about 30 people. Me and my cousins would play together at uncle's house on Boxing day, and me and my friends would play outside on Christmas day with our new bikes/scooters/skateboard etc.

Quite honestly, it was a magical time and it's not like that anymore. But I know our DDs do love me and DH so much - and there's nothing they wouldn't do if we asked them. (And the same for us with them.) They speak to me a few times a week on Whatsapp. and I communicate with them on Twitter and they message me back - and as I said they do visit, and we visit them.... and see them twice a month, and I know they'd be here in a heartbeat if we needed them urgently. And they're only 30 to 40 minutes drive away after all.

But yes, I really, really do wish that they were a lot closer and I do feel a little bit woeful and envious when I see the families in my street that have all their family members within 15 to 20 minutes walk. I long for that ..... Maybe one day.... Maybe when my DDs hit their 30s, and they have kids, they will need me and DH more, but right now they don't need us at all. I remember the wonderful days, when they were tiny, big-eyed infants, and I was the centre of their world. Now I'm just on the edge of it, looking in.

And oh, how I miss the wonderful, magical CHRISTMASSES with them, when they were little. 😄 Going to Santa's grotto, and lots of different Christmas events and places, and driving around looking at all the Christmas lights, and taking them to the big indoor shopping centre in the evening for the late night shopping, a few days before Christmas. Such wonderful days.

Scruffington · 01/12/2023 13:45

moomoomoo27 · 01/12/2023 12:00

I'm on the opposite side of this story, as the "child" in a similar situation.

I stopped replying to the mums (mine and DH's), because it became very overwhelming.

They replied to every single story/post on social media, even just a photo of a house plant, with questions/comments that required responses. Even when I turned comments off, they messaged.

They always called at the same inconvenient times, despite us repeatedly saying times that were more convenient (for both sides).

They asked the same couple of questions every time as a token gesture, then spent the next hour monologuing a story about themselves and people we've never met, or complaining about someone in the family. A lot of conversations were based around humblebragging, what they've bought lately, how they're going on holiday again, how they stepped in as a superhero and saved the day in one or other situation.

This was often followed up by comments that imply to us that they still see us as children or students, that come across as very condescending. Lots of unsolicited advice on every topic of the sun, criticisms about xyz in our house (they haven't changed their carpet in 30 years so why they feel the need to gripe about things in our house I have no idea). Treating our house like it's theirs when they are over, but then breaking things.

When it got to the toxic stages of MIL talking about SIL having put on a "ton" of weight in a very degrading way (she looks the same), I stopped wanting to even make a token gesture.

There was nothing positive in it, and it was stifling. It was all too much.

Both DH and I are much happier at a distance.

Edited

Such a coincidence that you decided distance was required from both your mothers.

Original poster
mindsetchange · 01/12/2023 13:47

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 01/12/2023 12:34

I just wanted to add something my mother told me when I first held my baby DC1. She said to me, "He is his own entity. He's of you but he's not you. You'll name him but he becomes him." That's always stayed with me and helped lift me whenever I feel a bit, "Ah where's my boy who wanders around every street from Camden to Cricklewood but doesn't make his way to his own front door?".

This and your previous post made me well up a bit!

OP posts:
JamSandle · 01/12/2023 13:52

Do you have sons? Sons seem to drop off the radar more than daughters, unless they're living with you.

WimbyAce · 01/12/2023 13:57

My brother phones my mum constantly which I find bizarre tbh, like sometimes it's even several times a day! I find that a bit needy as he is a grown man (allegedly). I am not a phoner, I never phone anyone. I do WhatsApp my mum pretty much every day though, just general chat.

Lemonyyy · 01/12/2023 13:57

I had this from the other direction when I was early 20s. My mum moaning about how I wasn't phoning her enough, didn't make an effort, blah blah....

Don't moan at them, don't make them feel like shit. it doesn't help and they won't start messaging more out of love or wanting to spend time with you, but out of guilt, which is never a good thing.

I will say it used to piss me off that I was always the one who had to ring. My mum never bloody rang me! maybe try phoning them? You might be pleasantly surprised.

Original poster
mindsetchange · 01/12/2023 13:58

Shrammed · 01/12/2023 12:55

I do find as well, that they don't really value my opinion. They think I'm a worrier, or a bit OTT, but I think they are quite naive in many ways (I don't say this, of course). But if I give advice, I can sense the eye roll. It makes me feel insignificant, rather than an older and wiser family member.

I'm at the start of getting this eldest just started uni - and it does make it hard though I'm not offering advice more asking if she is okay and does she need anything you can heard the eye rolls. On first visit asked if she need us to bring anything in effort to be helpful and response was to bring up me inadvertently leaving some plasters and other minor inconsequential items behind - which doesn't answer my question and make me feel like I;m in the wrong.

Everyone says it's normal - though some of the family saying that got weekly phone calls - we've tried to find times when she's not busy but still made to feel like we are imposing.

Assume it will pass or not but I do have fear as there is lurking family who like to cause issues and are there for fun stuff but are fuck all help in bad times and have very much form for sweeping in taking over fun stuff and leaving me especially but also DH with the crap stuff to deal with. They've already swept in before us and done fun first visit - which upset younger siblings who couldn't drop off due to school more than Dh and me but still felt off.

I wondered if your Ex is like this - a malevolent floating spector that gets to do fun stuff leaving drudge to you and who it's hard to say no to for the kids but it's easy to say no to you as your expected to understand.

Yes, some truth in this. I moved both of them in to Uni Halls. I did every subsequent move with them, which included hiring vans and lugging a lot of heavy stuff up and down flights of stairs. Their Dad did sweet FA, and on one of the moves, I happened to find out he was in a pub just ten minutes down the road with his mates. This was not his home town. He'd travelled in to see friends and watch Rugby in the pub. Meanwhile, me and DS are unloading a van in the pissing rain and setting up his new flat. I was annoyed at getting no help at the time, but then to find out he was actually in town and drinking in a pub just down the road made my blood boil.

For some reason though, they think he is the bees knees. He's actually a very high earner, but doesn't give them much. He cheated on me (which they know). He has also been arrested for drink driving and had a long driving ban. But he told them that he got breathalised at home, an hour after he'd been driving and that he'd only had alcohol after he got home. They believed this story. 🙄

OP posts:
Whisperingangel1 · 01/12/2023 14:05

I'm in my 30s but WhatsApp my mum every day, probably ring every 3-5 days, at least once a week. But I'm a SAHM so I have lots of free time. Probably less when I worked full time. No excuse for not replying to WhatsApp, that's rude. But phone calls I find it's always an hour long call and my mum doesn't want to get off the phone and even if I try to end it she keeps talking so that does put me off ringing, I know she means well and I love catching up, but not hearing about her next door neighbours daughters cat etc.
I think you will find once your kids have kids you will hear from them alot more, they're just young. And you've obviously done a greta job at making them independent. Don't over think it.

BenjaminDisraeli · 01/12/2023 14:09

I'm very close to my daughter but can still go quite a while without hearing from her. I think mothers just have to accept that, as our children, they're constantly on our minds; and as their parents, we're not on theirs (except in a vaguely benign fuzzy way).

Also that, shockingly, we may only come to the fore when financial, practical or emotional support is required. Motherly wisdom or compelling matriarchal presence is on the list of things usually not required of us!

All signs to me that you've brought your kids up lovingly and well. Would you really want it any other way?

Original poster
mindsetchange · 01/12/2023 14:13

FreshWinterMorning · 01/12/2023 13:39

I 100% get you @mindsetchange I've got two daughters. (mid to late 20s.) One lives 20 miles away and one lives 30 miles away. I'm in my mid 50s and so is DH ... They have both been to university, they have both got partners - one is married, they have both got successful professional careers, and they both bought a house with their partner within the past 2 years. They have many friends, and very busy lives.

They can easily go three days without any contact. I do send WhatsApp messages - and sometimes they will answer within five minutes sometimes it's 3 or four hours, occasionally it's several days. I do see them on Twitter and Instagram. quite a lot, and they don't respond to me for a couple of days, which I do find a little bit irksome ... I think 'well you have the time to post on here, but not to send me a quick whatsapp message back?' Confused But I know they don't do it deliberately. Something else probably comes up as they are about to message me.

They've both got about 20 friends each. (I'm not kidding you!) From college and school and uni. and very, very full lives. They travel a bit with work, and they go away a lot - abroad on weekend trips, and to London, Edinburgh, Brighton, Bournemouth, Devon, and other places where they have old uni friends, and other people they know. It's can be a bit hard to pin them down for a visit, and we have to plan it several weeks in advance! I gave up phoning them to have a chat, because they never EVER answered.

They visit us about once a month and we visit them once a month in between. So we see them every two weeks if you see what I mean. We go a day trip together. (Me, DH, and the 2 DDs,) to the beach - in the summer, and we will go to see a show another time, and we will go for 2 or 3 meals together during the year. (Their husbands don't come on the day trip, and will come to one of the meals.) Neither of them are planning on having any children anytime soon. Although probably they will one day. The older one says she would like one in about five years.

We go to the oldest DD for Christmas day, for a couple of hours, (because she lives in the middle of me and DH, and our youngest.) Me and DH leave on Christmas day at about 1pm and have the rest of the day/our Christmas meal on our own... They all come to ours for Easter, and spend 2 or 3 ours on Easter Sunday with us.

Upshot is, they really, really, really don't need me (or DH,) and it does sting to be quite honest with you. I know it's natural, and I feel me and DH must have done a good job for them to be so independent and successful. But it makes my heart a little bit sad that they don't need me, for anything...

Not far from me, there's 4 or 5 families who have got between 15 and 20 family members within 15 minutes walk - and they're always popping in for coffees, going for a walk together, going on a day trip together, (two or three times a week for the six weeks during the summer holidays!) Going to the bingo together, having big family BBQs in summer, and all the little cousins play together.

3 of 4 generations of family are all there for each other all the time, and they gather at the gran's - or great gran's for special occasions and have big family parties. I do get so envious of this and long for my daughters to live closer to me and DH, and have a couple of kids each, and have the kids running to my house, to come and see nan and grandad for an hour or so. I would take them to the zoo or the woods or the park and play with them, and bake cakes with them, and have a great time. Grin

I grew up with this situation - living close to about 20 family members and they'd all pile into my nan's house on Christmas Day, and go to the oldest uncle's house on Boxing Day for a great big family get together, about 30 people. Me and my cousins would play together at uncle's house on Boxing day, and me and my friends would play outside on Christmas day with our new bikes/scooters/skateboard etc.

Quite honestly, it was a magical time and it's not like that anymore. But I know our DDs do love me and DH so much - and there's nothing they wouldn't do if we asked them. (And the same for us with them.) They speak to me a few times a week on Whatsapp. and I communicate with them on Twitter and they message me back - and as I said they do visit, and we visit them.... and see them twice a month, and I know they'd be here in a heartbeat if we needed them urgently. And they're only 30 to 40 minutes drive away after all.

But yes, I really, really do wish that they were a lot closer and I do feel a little bit woeful and envious when I see the families in my street that have all their family members within 15 to 20 minutes walk. I long for that ..... Maybe one day.... Maybe when my DDs hit their 30s, and they have kids, they will need me and DH more, but right now they don't need us at all. I remember the wonderful days, when they were tiny, big-eyed infants, and I was the centre of their world. Now I'm just on the edge of it, looking in.

And oh, how I miss the wonderful, magical CHRISTMASSES with them, when they were little. 😄 Going to Santa's grotto, and lots of different Christmas events and places, and driving around looking at all the Christmas lights, and taking them to the big indoor shopping centre in the evening for the late night shopping, a few days before Christmas. Such wonderful days.

Edited

This really resonates with me. I think I've seen DS maybe twice this year. He works long days then goes to the gym - and most weekends are spent with friends. It's hard to arrange a date for lunch far in advance (to book him up, so to speak), because I can get last minute bookings worth ££££, so I never really know what my week looks like until right before), but I think I might just try booking more things like lunch and hoping for the best!

I am reading every single post, and am so grateful that people have taken the time to reply. SO many good points here, thank you.

OP posts:
JenniferJuniper80 · 01/12/2023 14:13

Not read the whole thread but..op,

how often do you call your folks

Are ,you too busy

Original poster
mindsetchange · 01/12/2023 14:22

I feel sometimes, that I am seen as "Mum", rather than a real living woman, with thoughts, desires, feelings of my own, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Ilovelifeverymuch · 01/12/2023 14:30

mindsetchange · 01/12/2023 14:22

I feel sometimes, that I am seen as "Mum", rather than a real living woman, with thoughts, desires, feelings of my own, if that makes sense.

.

iamrageohtheresakitty · 01/12/2023 14:33

I think booking time in advance with them is the key here - my mother would probably say similar, that I'm too busy to see her, but she doesn't actually organise anything with me. And so of course I'm busy when she happens to be free.
It seems a bit unfair to blame your children for not seeing you enough if you're not actually organising anything.

Do you have a group WhatsApp? It's much easier (and fun) to respond in the family chat than to respond directly to your mum asking "how are you?"

And don't dispense advice - if you don't want to be viewed as "Mum" you need to treat them like adults.

Scruffington · 01/12/2023 14:34

If things are genuinely okay between the two of you, and he only lives 45 mins away, I do find it a bit baffling that you’ve only seen your son twice in 2023.

moomoomoo27 · 01/12/2023 14:45

Scruffington · 01/12/2023 13:45

Such a coincidence that you decided distance was required from both your mothers.

Show quote history

They are close friends and have been for decades, parent in very similar ways because they were always trying to outdo each other in a small town. Maybe it's a competition between them, I don't know. Mine is not as abrasive as his, but then I would think that.

DarkWingDuck · 01/12/2023 14:46

Congrats on bringing up independent children who now have great lives. I don’t know if this is part of it but I often feel very overwhelmed by WhatsApp messages and all the pressures of modern life, I often leave messages unread from people I love and care for very much. It’s about me and my ability to manage modern life rather than a reflection on our relationship. Could this be the case here?

Maybe let them know that you would like to connect more and see what suits them better- a quick message every now and then, a booked in phone call or a weekend together.

girlfriend44 · 01/12/2023 15:17

FreshWinterMorning · 01/12/2023 13:39

I 100% get you @mindsetchange I've got two daughters. (mid to late 20s.) One lives 20 miles away and one lives 30 miles away. I'm in my mid 50s and so is DH ... They have both been to university, they have both got partners - one is married, they have both got successful professional careers, and they both bought a house with their partner within the past 2 years. They have many friends, and very busy lives.

They can easily go three days without any contact. I do send WhatsApp messages - and sometimes they will answer within five minutes sometimes it's 3 or four hours, occasionally it's several days. I do see them on Twitter and Instagram. quite a lot, and they don't respond to me for a couple of days, which I do find a little bit irksome ... I think 'well you have the time to post on here, but not to send me a quick whatsapp message back?' Confused But I know they don't do it deliberately. Something else probably comes up as they are about to message me.

They've both got about 20 friends each. (I'm not kidding you!) From college and school and uni. and very, very full lives. They travel a bit with work, and they go away a lot - abroad on weekend trips, and to London, Edinburgh, Brighton, Bournemouth, Devon, and other places where they have old uni friends, and other people they know. It's can be a bit hard to pin them down for a visit, and we have to plan it several weeks in advance! I gave up phoning them to have a chat, because they never EVER answered.

They visit us about once a month and we visit them once a month in between. So we see them every two weeks if you see what I mean. We go a day trip together. (Me, DH, and the 2 DDs,) to the beach - in the summer, and we will go to see a show another time, and we will go for 2 or 3 meals together during the year. (Their husbands don't come on the day trip, and will come to one of the meals.) Neither of them are planning on having any children anytime soon. Although probably they will one day. The older one says she would like one in about five years.

We go to the oldest DD for Christmas day, for a couple of hours, (because she lives in the middle of me and DH, and our youngest.) Me and DH leave on Christmas day at about 1pm and have the rest of the day/our Christmas meal on our own... They all come to ours for Easter, and spend 2 or 3 ours on Easter Sunday with us.

Upshot is, they really, really, really don't need me (or DH,) and it does sting to be quite honest with you. I know it's natural, and I feel me and DH must have done a good job for them to be so independent and successful. But it makes my heart a little bit sad that they don't need me, for anything...

Not far from me, there's 4 or 5 families who have got between 15 and 20 family members within 15 minutes walk - and they're always popping in for coffees, going for a walk together, going on a day trip together, (two or three times a week for the six weeks during the summer holidays!) Going to the bingo together, having big family BBQs in summer, and all the little cousins play together.

3 of 4 generations of family are all there for each other all the time, and they gather at the gran's - or great gran's for special occasions and have big family parties. I do get so envious of this and long for my daughters to live closer to me and DH, and have a couple of kids each, and have the kids running to my house, to come and see nan and grandad for an hour or so. I would take them to the zoo or the woods or the park and play with them, and bake cakes with them, and have a great time. Grin

I grew up with this situation - living close to about 20 family members and they'd all pile into my nan's house on Christmas Day, and go to the oldest uncle's house on Boxing Day for a great big family get together, about 30 people. Me and my cousins would play together at uncle's house on Boxing day, and me and my friends would play outside on Christmas day with our new bikes/scooters/skateboard etc.

Quite honestly, it was a magical time and it's not like that anymore. But I know our DDs do love me and DH so much - and there's nothing they wouldn't do if we asked them. (And the same for us with them.) They speak to me a few times a week on Whatsapp. and I communicate with them on Twitter and they message me back - and as I said they do visit, and we visit them.... and see them twice a month, and I know they'd be here in a heartbeat if we needed them urgently. And they're only 30 to 40 minutes drive away after all.

But yes, I really, really do wish that they were a lot closer and I do feel a little bit woeful and envious when I see the families in my street that have all their family members within 15 to 20 minutes walk. I long for that ..... Maybe one day.... Maybe when my DDs hit their 30s, and they have kids, they will need me and DH more, but right now they don't need us at all. I remember the wonderful days, when they were tiny, big-eyed infants, and I was the centre of their world. Now I'm just on the edge of it, looking in.

And oh, how I miss the wonderful, magical CHRISTMASSES with them, when they were little. 😄 Going to Santa's grotto, and lots of different Christmas events and places, and driving around looking at all the Christmas lights, and taking them to the big indoor shopping centre in the evening for the late night shopping, a few days before Christmas. Such wonderful days.

Edited

Lots of families don't I've near each other.
Some live in different countries.

Not all children make their parents grandparents.

You need to concentrate on what you have not what you haven't.

To some you already have alot
I think overall health and happiness is more important than whose seeing who and how often.