To ask if anyone else has become completely intolerant of other people?

[Theblindkraken]

Now I’ll be clear here. I don’t think I’ve said a mean or unkind thing to anyone for at least 10 years. I’m very polite, very kind, very generous and incredibly good at behaving in a way I believe other people would like me to. I care about other people’s feelings and go out of my way to not offend them….
Jesus though, I hate it. I literally dread spending time with people. It’s the worse thing I have to do. I get ill if I have to spend too much time in a social environment, I can do it, I perform, I make conversation and stuff but I can’t wait until it’s over and the next day I feel drained like I’ve run a marathon. It really takes a whole day for me to feel normal and productive again.
on the plus side, I’ve learnt to do almost everything from simple carpentry and plumbing to tiling in order to avoid having to entertain tradesmen, my work from home job is brilliant and I don’t know of anyone my age with such a lovely garden.
it’s not normal though is it?
attended a small family gathering yesterday, been utterly hopeless today, feels almost like flu and now I’ll need to go hell for leather tomorrow to finish my project on time. Fucks my week up everytime I do it. I could spend years in isolation… socialising is painful though.

Sounds like extreme introversion.

YANBU to be an introvert.

I mean, I'd agree that other people are overrated. And the older I get the more I feel like that. But, no it doesn't make me ill when I do do it. Sounds rubbish. And made worse by the fact you know the cure. But it's socially unacceptable to live as a hermit. Sucks all round.

Let's see some garden pics!

You're not alone. I have two social engagements this week, plus kids stuff all weekend and I cannot be arsed socialising, speaking to people and putting up with all that shit.

I've also just started a new job so have to go out of my way to try and make friends, but really I just want to not talk to anyone!

I'm so intolerant of others, I'm very nice to people but the vast majority secretly annoy me. I wasn't always like this 😅

Sounds fairly normal. Maybe at the introvert end of normal, but it doesn't sound anything particularly odd to find dealing with other people very taxing.

"I don’t think I’ve said a mean or unkind thing to anyone for at least 10 years."

That just seems like unrealistic perfection to me! Having to be constantly very polite, very kind, and very generous seems like putting on a front whenever you're socialising, it's not surprising you feel drained.

I have absolutely no desire to socialise with anyone outside of my family. Nope. Not interested. Dealing with colleagues is all the social interaction I can fucking take anymore.

I totally understand. I even enjoyed lockdown and feel nostalgic for it. You're an introvert through and through that's all. You give of your best when you can and that's fine.

I’m pretty social but I cannot stand bullshit or stupidity. I cannot stand listening to excess bits of information during a conversation. This, tbf, is usually with family rather than friends but I don’t need my brain cluttered up with boring, irrelevant background info which detracts from the main topic of conversation.
I also cannot stand bores who only talk about themselves and hijack every conversation to do so.

@ManchesterGirl2
when I was a child I was a bit quirky and different and got severely chastised for it. To the extent I darent speak at school or infront of my parents for a while. I quickly taught myself to read the room and imitate other people’s behaviour. This is the extent of my personality now, it ceases to exist 🤣 I like being on my own so I can be myself.
I literally spend days leading up to interactions rehearsing and the days following ‘scoring’ myself and evaluating my performance as a ‘normal’. I will never enjoy it. I haven’t had a friend for many years now. I do everything alone because it’s easier.

It sounds like you aren't having authentic interactions with people and that would be exhausting. I've heard autistic people describe this feeling of exhaustion after masking for a long time. Maybe that's part of it?

I’m the same as this OP, but I haven’t always been. It’s got like this over time. I’ve realised that most people’s lives are full of absolute bullshit and drama that I have absolutely no interest in engaging in as it’s a waste of time.

Plus, most people are selfish and use others for their own ends anyway, so I stopped putting the effort into friendships and caring about people as much, although I’m still a caring person by nature but seek people out far less.

Yanbu. As I've got older I've enjoyed being alone more. Most people are selfish, needy and draining.

That sounds utterly exhausting, OP.

It sounds like you spend a lot of time putting on a show for the sake of other people, which is really miserable and tiring for you.

I suppose I'm wondering why you do it if you dislike it so much - are there positive things that you get from having these interactions with other people? If so, what are the good things that make it worth it?

If the negatives outweigh the positives, could you maybe cut back and socialise a bit less? - would that make you a bit happier?

Are you socialising with the right people - people who you connect with, who build you up and make you feel good about yourself? Or just people who are 'there'?

Maybe you need to be more picky about who you spend time with!

I'm the same which is why I like social media. I can talk to people and leave whenever I want.

Even if I spend time with a good friend, I feel drained afterward. I'm always completely myself it just takes a lot out of me mentally which leads to exhaustion.

Agree with so much of what you have said OP, although because I'm rubbish at DIY, I still have to use tradesmen for jobs! I find myself completely irritated by most people, the phrase, 'Empty Vessels make the most noise' springs to mind. People have so much to say for themselves, it's exhausting. And it's not just in face to face interactions, I've had to mute numerous WhatsApp groups. As someone else said, a lot of peoples lives are full of utter bullshit and concocted drama, it's unreal. The silly fuckers can get on with it.

I can only tolerate my kids, DH and dog. Much prefer animals to humans now.

@wiseoldcat i literally force myself to attend 5/6 things a year. Family stuff. I go because I think they’ll hate me and talk about me if I don’t 🤣 definitely a chore. I last socialised on purpose in about 2008.

I'm exactly the same. I feel like there's something wrong with me for feeling like this. I'm meeting a friend on Sunday and I absolutely cannot be faffed with it. I dont want to talk about myself, I don't want to listen to her talk about her self.

It's exhausting.

I think that's your answer then.

If you do want to find enjoyable friendships (it's obviously not compulsory), the key is to find the people who like your authentic way of being. Which means you have to risk taking down the mask and showing yourself. And then learn to drift away from anyone who doesn't seem to click with you, without seeing that as a failure. It's hard to undo a mask after many years though.

Do you wish you did like it more than you do?

@Monkeybrains192 same! I actually get really miserable in the run up to things I’ve agreed to though. It can ruin my whole week. Why do we do it 🤣

Do you think you could be neurodivergent? I feel exactly the same as you and I'm pretty sure I have ADHD. I even find small talk in the school playground hard work.

It just feels like an obligation. I have to say I wasn't always like this, I think part of it is that I'm just frazzled by life. I'm mid 40's, parenting is exhausting, work, aging parents. I've got very little left to give anyone else, I'm tired!

I'm hoping I'll have a revival eventually but for now I really can't be bothered with anything extra. I have a friend who loves walking and often invites me. I love walking too but I'd much much rather walk alone, relax, take in the nature instead of listening and feigning interest in a load of old waffle (my chats waffle too!).

I have become like this OP as I have gotten older! As time has gone on I just am so sick of people and find social activities and interactions so tiring. People have sucked the life out of me in my life and treated me badly and I think it’s like a burnout and you can’t take it anymore!

@wiseoldcat I’m not sure. I wish it didn’t occupy my energy so much and throw my routine and sense of peace off whack so severely. I wish I didn’t feel compelled to do it at all I suppose. It’s strange. I’ve always felt ‘outside’ of everything, not part of anything. Maybe I should give in to it and stop responding? I’d only get one of my siblings sent round to see if I’d died. That’d be a nightmare 🤣