Now I’ll be clear here. I don’t think I’ve said a mean or unkind thing to anyone for at least 10 years. I’m very polite, very kind, very generous and incredibly good at behaving in a way I believe other people would like me to. I care about other people’s feelings and go out of my way to not offend them….
Jesus though, I hate it. I literally dread spending time with people. It’s the worse thing I have to do. I get ill if I have to spend too much time in a social environment, I can do it, I perform, I make conversation and stuff but I can’t wait until it’s over and the next day I feel drained like I’ve run a marathon. It really takes a whole day for me to feel normal and productive again.
on the plus side, I’ve learnt to do almost everything from simple carpentry and plumbing to tiling in order to avoid having to entertain tradesmen, my work from home job is brilliant and I don’t know of anyone my age with such a lovely garden.
it’s not normal though is it?
attended a small family gathering yesterday, been utterly hopeless today, feels almost like flu and now I’ll need to go hell for leather tomorrow to finish my project on time. Fucks my week up everytime I do it. I could spend years in isolation… socialising is painful though.