School parent deliberately coughing on me every morning

[Happyluce]

A school parent keeps deliberately coughing on me. We stand outside the gates and then in the play ground waiting to go in and they don’t cough for all that time. But As soon as they are next to me they fake cough really loud without covering their mouth or they deliberately clear their throat really loud behind me. This keeps happening every morning. I feel like it’s a way of trying to bully me without speaking to me. What would you do?

Also shy people do weird stuff when feeling awkward. As children they hide behind legs etc but they mostly stop that by adulthood (!) even if the underlying tendency to shyness persists. Doesn’t make them weird people ( they are often sensitive and lovely to know); but in awkward social situations they can find off beat responses. Maybe he finds it awkward seeing you so regularly but never acknowledging each other, worries you think he’s weird ( in which case he’d be justified given he’s on a thread) . Perhaps you are also exuding slightly off vibes if you feel this strongly about it?

I was stalked by a man on my running route and one thing he did was cough deliberately when I came past. I know it seems very odd but they obviously find it to be a handy little way of getting your attention but not others' and it gives them real plausible deniability. In my case the solution was to completely change my running route, unfortunately 😡 Fucking creeps haven't got anything better to do.

He's trying to harass you, but in a way that cannot be challenged. If you ignore him, that will annoy him and potentially push him into behaving in increasingly weird and obvious ways. Then you can call him out.

Could you wear headphones? Block him out completely?

How weird. I'd avoid that person.

Can you tell him really loudly to cover his mouth? Or tell him to say hello instead of fake coughing? I have no patience with people and it's easier to point this stuff out clearly, I find.

Are you friendly with any of the other parents? If so, you could mention it to them and ask them to discreetly keep an eye out and see what they think. Maybe phrase it as if you don't know if you're imagining it or not.

FWIW it sounds like he's doing it on purpose!

I suggest being loudly and firmly offended by this behaviour, every day, if necessary.
He'll get the message or be embarrassed and desist, or else he'll act innocent or up the ante.
In these two latter instances, other parents will now be alerted by your loud but polite objections, which might help, as it will now be very public and introduce social pressures.
If it continued. I wouldn't hesitate to start using words like stalking and harassment. And involve the school, too.
Men get away with this sort of shit too often.

You could wear earphones Calli. Perhaps hum annoyingly along with the loud tune.
Ditto the OP - if you ahve earphones in and something playing loudly you won't hear the cough.

Yes I really liked the earphones idea. I’m going for big over-ear ones so my obliviousness is obvious!

Just avoid her. You can’t let this worry you at all.

Amazing - apparently op is potentially to blame, for feeling uncomfortable about being coughed on, and making the shy, coughing man worried he's weird!

Who knew that shyness can make people cough in strangers faces without covering their mouths. Repeatedly.

Not at all to blame: stop looking for excuses to be aggressive . Just a suggestion that sometimes in awkward situations ( and seeing someone constantly without speaking can be awkward) people do unusual things. What’s got you so coiled and ready to spring?

Who is being aggressive? I didn't realise my post was coming off that way, I thought I was just disagreeing in a sardonic way.

I do think you're clutching at straws trying to find reasons for what seems to clear to most to be harassing behaviour, not shyness. It's quite worrying actually.

I’ve given OP the benefit of the doubt that she’s open to various interpretations. Ultimately none of us were there: OP has to consider suggestions and apply them to the actual situation she has found herself in. None of us have any more than OP’s description to go on. If the suggestion doesn’t fit, I’m sure she will disregard it.

I do think you're clutching at straws trying to find reasons for what seems to clear to most to be harassing behaviour, not shyness. It's quite worrying actually

Fairly certain following someone around coughing over them is the last thing a shy person would do.

I don't think I'd have the guts to confront him but I like the idea of moving to the back of the line if he's behind you (suddenly look at your phone like you got a text you need to deal with). If he follows, at least you would know it was not in your head.

He’s going to the classroom! Some posters on here would do well not to always leap to the most negative interpretation of someone’s actions when they don’t actually know what the motivation is. I’ve just been told my motivation was “ to blame “ OP when in fact I can categorically confirm it was merely to offer another possibly less dark interpretation, thinking it might help her feel less creeped out. He may quite possibly be a complete perverted freak as some people seem desperate to conclude. I’m perfectly happy to accept that as one valid interpretation, but then I didn’t have to table that possibility as it had been well and truly canvassed. Moreover leaping to that conclusion by twisting facts such as “ he is following her” ( there seems to be a fairly restricted path they have to walk to get to the classroom) and “worrying” about alternative suggestions is the shortcut to bitter neuroticism.

Well, you said he might be coughing on OP because he's shy... And that OP acting "off" about being coughed on might be making him feel even shyer, making him cough more...

Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me. But then I've learned not to invent excuses that garner sympathy for strange men I've never met who other women feel creeped out by.

I would just hold back in that scenario. Wait for him to join the line and then join at the back, far away from him.

Moreover leaping to that conclusion by twisting facts such as “ he is following her” ( there seems to be a fairly restricted path they have to walk to get to the classroom) and “worrying” about alternative suggestions is the shortcut to bitter neuroticism

OP has said several times that he always makes sure he is behind her in line and that if she is not near her he will walk over to her. She also said he she’s never seen him coughing over anyone else. I’m sorry but he’s just being a dick.

Could he be trying to get your attention? Is he a single dad?? I don't know.. it sounds bizarre. Maybe it's not just you he does it to but you obviously don't notice when he's not close to you.

I’d wear less perfume! Or give them the benefit of the doubt that something like that bothers them.

Try and go in last, see what he does.

Did you try anything different today OP?

This has also reminded me of another issue that I used to have when younger. I used to fly a lot for work, so was often in airport queues and was always by myself. I found that men would depressingly often stand too close to me in the queue and there wasn’t much that you could do about those behind you.

i developed a ‘trailing leg’ technique where I would be side on and hold my leg out to the side, with my heel on the floor and toes up. My body was therefore about 30 cm away from the next person, and being side on meant I could see what was going on. Many was the time a man fell over my stationary foot in a bid to sidle in closer. I would leave my foot there if it happened, and ignore them. This only works in a stationary/ slow moving queue though.