To think that my partner should attend birth?

[Allthatglittersisntart]

My DP doesn’t want to be in the room for birth as he thinks this puts men off women physically and he doesn't want to witness the pain. He is not from a western culture and back home only
women have anything to do with birth. However, he is the only person I want in the room.

I suppose a risk is that he could have a seizure, which he occasionally gets and seem to be triggered by stress/anger/strong emotion but he does seem to be able to control/predict to an extent(never had one during interview , exam, gym for example).

If you haven't anyone else who could be with you, could you ask him to come in initially and then he can leave if he starts to get particularly stressed.

I know it's not ideal and he should be there throughout, but you don't want the extra worry of him being unwell.

He may end up staying through the whole thing!

Why do people think what they wanted is anything to do with the OP. Just because you were happy without your partner there is completely irrelevant. I couldn't have had my mother there because she was a raging narcissist who panics when anything goes wrong. I didn't have any women I would have felt comfortable with at such a vulnerable time. The OP wants him there.

Quite honestly I find the cultural argument irritating too. He's moved to this culture. It would be different if you'd moved to his country. This is not some religious or deeply held belief, it's just habit and quite frankly convenience for men.

I don't think it's fair to judge him because his views are different. He can't help where he comes from. After this experience I'm sure his perspective will change. But right now all he knows is his culture.

The only time you won't really need him is during active pushing. My experience is that a male partner just makes it worse, lol. My ex shushed me! A nurse threatened to kick him out. During the lead up it tends to be a lot of waiting and just trying to get through the waves of contractions. It's not so stressful that it would cause a seizure. Maybe he could be there for you during the early phases and then bow out when it gets intense? And then come back when baby is born. A lot of partners do this, since it can get really boring, they might even go home for a bit and then come back. A lot of partners have to stay with their other children as well, so it's not unheard of. I don't think it's unreasonable, and during the later phase the only thing in your brain is pushing for baby. The world kind of goes away into a fog. You might be focused on the doctor or midwife, but that's it. I think you won't miss him. As long as he's there for you before and after, that's really key.

Sounds like a utter dick

I’ve had two children but I am very squeamish and panicky. I don’t think I could be in the room for my husband going through a procedure. I genuinely think I would have an anxiety attack. So to a certain extent I can understand a father not wanting to be in the room but the comment about it putting men off women is gross.

Well you can't make him but didn't you know this about him before you decided to have child with him?
If you aren't married I wouldn't be putting his name on the birth certificate.

Why do you want him there?

I live in France, I'm not sure that the divorce rate is much higher than in other western countries. In France many couples who divorce after a child/children mostly cite unequal division of child care as the main reason. There is also a lot more debate nowadays about the length of maternity and paternity leave and how they contribute to those inequalities. So many workplaces are not family-friendly, meaning that mothers' careers are being held back more than men's and men are being discouraged from being active in childcare. Michel Odent is famous for being an advocate of super-natural childbirth, he's also very controversial. That article is lots of bullshit and totally unscientific, I wouldn't know where to start with it.

Meaning he will start getting involved when your DC is 5 years old (maybe 3 if you're lucky) and maybe get involved one or two hours a week. The rest will fall to you. Good luck

That sounds about right. Including the good luck, you'll need it with him.

Just posting update:
To my relief DP agreed to attend the birth and stay throughout.
I downloaded a book for DP by a male doctor and dad about the whole birth experience and now he knows more than me on a few things! I think the lack of knowledge/negative anecdotes was causing some fear.
(Also my stepdad and DPs friends spoke to him, think he needed other men to talk to about it)

My exH missed our prem twins birth but was there when our son was born 4 years later. And I do wish he had been anywhere else. The last thing I needed was anyone fannying about rubbing my back etc. I just wanted to be in the zone and get on with it. So I’m all in favour of couples doing what’s right for them; but dad being there for the birth isn’t always the best thing.