To buy less for older working daughter than younger brother and sister?

[snuggleswithmygirlies]

I have bought the Christmas presents for our younger children who are school aged and we have our older dd in her 20s coming for Xmas and staying a few nights.
I have bought about half the amount for her and dh says that's unfair but my argument is she has had years of opening presents to that value and amount, now she is a working adult she wont get as much as the younger ones.
I don't expect to be buying that much for the younger ones once they're the same age.
Who is being unreasonable?

I agree with your hubby it should be the same amount cost wise but each to their own :)

#jamieKnows well, quite!!

Also, we've never meticulously spent the same of both kids (conveniently only 3 years between) but just sort of "sense checked" that there was a balance. As they're now in late teens and early 20's I'm expecting to start given a smaller (less obscene) amount of pressies. They're realistic/reasonable people. They'll get it.

Fair game but just realise there are consequences you won't realise.

My family did this to me as the only working adult in the family (the rest on benefits) they deliberately don't buy me presents as I work and earn decent money and I also catered for Christmas annually because they wanted Christmas Dinner amd all the food and drink for free.

I don't mind the expense but it's the expectation and the ingratitude.

Imagine their surprise when one year I announced I was going away for Christmas and they could sort themselves out. I didnt do presents that year either.

She is only 20. Not much of a working life behind her and she might still need things as presents. She may decide she is skimping on Christmas in years to come for you lot if you skimp on her.

I do buy my older dds presents and we all go to their GPs for Christmas Dinner- and we host them otherwise whilst they are here ( normally about 3 days). They just don't get the same as their much younger brother and sister. They both earn many multiples of what we earn but I'd never expect them to provide the food. We've never been into extravagant presents and we do not expect them from them. Your family do sound like they're treating you very poorly.

From my perspective OP. My parent stopped buying me gifts after the death of my other parent. My sibling still gets gifts, my parent often calls me to ask for gift ideas😂. Said sibling also gets treated to meals out and monetary gifts during the year. We're both adults in professional, well paying jobs.
As long as your gifts for your daughter are meaningful, I'm sure she'll appreciate them.

YANBU, there has to be a cut off age at somepoint. Just say when they reach 25. So as they each reach 25 they get less. Just like I made 18 the cut off for nieces and nephews. Some would get and others wouldn't. That is life if they are adults they should understand. In the end they will all be the same if you have a cut off age.

Children do not all need the same, this applies to the value of gifts and the quantity of gifts.
If your children are counting presents, adding up the pennies, and displaying jealousy of other siblings, something is going wrong somewhere.
Set a budget for gift giving, try to give children something they would like, within that budget. Child A may be over the moon with an item costing £50, Child B may ask for something costing £100, Child C may be a working adult and should be happy to sacrifice a portion of "their" budget to accommodate a younger sibling.
If you feel there looks to be "less" for one, add some inexpensive, token gifts.
Christmas is not about how much your children receive, it is about spending time with family. Focus more on encouraging children to select token gifts for family and close friends.
We have raised 9 children, blended family, 2 shared, one adopted.
The children buy each other token gifts to fill each others Christmas stocking.
Ours were just happy to all be home for Christmas, sharing the excitement of gift opening and being happy their siblings were together.
Up until the age of 5, children are generally happy to open presents whatever they may be.
Between 6 and 12, children tend to request more specific gifts, generally more expensive: if these are over-budget, they can be deferred to birthdays where there is only one person to buy for.
Over 13, children should be aware of parents limitations.
16-18 ours had part-time jobs alongside college, the budget for their gifts was generally less than younger siblings.
Over 18 and at uni, we gave cash/voucher gifts and useful gifts.
Working age, budget is considerably lower than younger siblings.
No idea when an adult would be jealous of younger siblings at Christmas.