To buy less for older working daughter than younger brother and sister?

[snuggleswithmygirlies]

I have bought the Christmas presents for our younger children who are school aged and we have our older dd in her 20s coming for Xmas and staying a few nights.
I have bought about half the amount for her and dh says that's unfair but my argument is she has had years of opening presents to that value and amount, now she is a working adult she wont get as much as the younger ones.
I don't expect to be buying that much for the younger ones once they're the same age.
Who is being unreasonable?

I'm with you OP. I have two DSs who are 26 & 22 and both working full time. Both have said that they don't particularly want or need anything for Christmas as if they want something, they buy it. And whilst of course I will buy them gifts, they won't be to the same value as their 12 year old sister who has to wait until Christmas or birthday to get the things she wants.

I am with you once they have their own money etc I wouldn’t be expecting to spend loads more of a gesture

Mine are mid 20s and I have always been scrupulously careful to spend exactly the same on them whether at svhool, uni or working. That might mean a different number of presents if one is more expensive. Stockings are identical.

3 teens ans 1 newly turned 7 Yr old here and they all have had the same money , 7 year old has a mountain but older ones have fewer but they understand they've had the same money they just asked for more expensive items

FGS she is a grown woman not a 10 year old. Why do you think she needs to be pre warned, do you think she is going to have a tantrum ? I wouldn't expect my Mum ( if she was alive) to spend anymore than £20 on me seeing as i am an adult.

I have a DS 21 and DSD 14, both here Christmas Day, DSD has a bigger pile of presents (£200 mainly clothes) DS has less to open (aftershave, tool for work and chocolate) but I'll put £100 in a card for him so it's the same amount spent.

I’ve got a 21 year old ds at home as well as a 9 year old and a 3 year old.

I don’t know what to get him. He’s got a good job, he buys what he wants when he wants it.

He doesn’t like random bits of crap. He’s got clothes and shoes and likes to buy his own, so I am stumped and don’t just want to give cash.

I will spend far more on the 9 year old as that’s a prime age for wanting/needing things.

The 3 year olds presents have mostly come second hand from facebook marketplace (wooden kitchen and dolls house which she will be thrilled with).

It can’t always be equal in money terms when you have age gaps.

I'm spending less money on my 19 year old DD than her siblings this year. She has a full time job which pays well.

However last year we did buy her a car which was significantly more so it does balance out (it cost about £2k). DD knows we are spending less and doesn't care, she buys herself whatever she wants now anyway.

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I think it’s fine to spend significantly less
on an adult child no matter where they live. In my family, the actual kids always got more than the grown-up kids. We all understood and no one was upset by it.

I’d spend the same amount on each child, no matter their age. The number or size of the gifts wouldn’t matter.

I think it’s fine, in fact I will be doing the same. My eldest is in his 20s and has double my income and I can’t afford it. Plus, I don’t think he expects it. My youngest, on the other hand, is still at school and has no chance of affording any of his presents otherwise. I honestly don’t think it’s an issue for my eldest, he is at the point where it is really just about spending time with everyone and I’ve still got him a lovely gift anyway. In the end they will both have the same amount of years when they received expensive gifts.

I would think being a grown independent woman she would understand!!

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A horrible thing to treat them differently

When there is a big age gap absolutely yes spend less on the fully grown adult children who earn their own money.

Otherwise you'll be spending hundreds on them until they're in their 30s! And when do you stop? If not at a set age / life stage then whenever you do it the youngest is disadvantaged if you decide right this year it's token gifts only for both kids but the older one has had years extra of having more expensive gifts.
The only fair way to do it is stop at say age 21 or once left full time education.

But if you wanted to start spending less on adult children you need to start when they become adults. You can't wait for them all to be adults as then it's not fair on the youngest.

I’m with you OP. This year I am spending less on the grandchildren who are in their 20s and now working than on the young ones who are still at school. However over the past three years I have sent extra money to one granddaughter at university to help her out and I have bought items for a grandson who has moved into his own home. The younger three grandchildren vary in age from 4 to 16 and I’ve bought them the gifts that I ( & their parents ) think that they would really like rather than focusing on exactly matching the costs.

I think a lot of people saying spend the same perhaps don't have children with a big age gap.

Our youngest is 12 and the eldest 25. The eldest is working and has moved out and she certainly let wouldn't expect the same amount of presents as her younger sibling.

When they were all children, then the same amount was spent. When they are all adults, the same amount will be spent. But during the times when one is a child and one is an adult, there will be a bit of a difference.

I'm with you OP, in fact had this discussion with my DH a week or two ago. We have a bit of a gap with our kids - 2 have finished school and one finishing up primary. I'll be doing equalish value presents while they're at uni but when they have a full time job I expect I don't expect to buy as much as they'll probably have more disposable income than we do.

Christ how old are you, do you seriously think the number of gifts a person gets is a reflection of how much the gift giver values them?

My sibling has a developmental disability and although we're both adults she obviously gets lots more (quite child-like) gifts than me because the day means so much more to her than me (that, and I work full time in a high paying professional role so want for nothing). It doesn't bother me because I'm a grown ass woman and not a spoilt brat.

I definitely spend more on my 2 younger dc (15 and 20) than their 2 married sisters who are in their 30s. They both combined with their dh's earn about 10 times as much as me, second they have dc who I obviously also buy for and thirdly I have never made sure I spent the same on each dc. When they were younger I tried to ensure they had the same number of presents.

Really! I have never even tried to equal out how much I spend/spent on my 4dc either for birthday or Christmas, hopefully none of them feel undervalued - I adore all 4 equally. Dd2 is currently overhauling the house she and her dh bought for well over a million and dd1 has just returned from a babymoon in the South Pacific ( their 4th overseas holiday this year. Me, I work part-time due to disability and we are on universal credit.

My spend is £10 -20 on older 2 dds and their dh's and about £50-60 on younger 2dc. Also £20-30 on gs.

Hang on. Your kids get TWENTY PRESENTS?

Can't believe you've got all of your presents under the tree in November 🤪 worlds gone mad.