To just feel so fed up and consumed with envy?

[HolyGuacamole28]

I’m mum to 2 great if sometimes pretty wild and hard work girls aged 4 and nearly 2. I’m married, my husband is self employed and works long hours. I work full time in a stressful hybrid city job. Girls are in nursery four days a week. We earn good money but things are still tight (mortgage, COL etc). I don’t have any hobbies or time to myself. I just work, do chores, manage the kids and sleep. I have SAH mum friends. They get to go to the gym, keep a tidy house and get time with their kids. Money never seems to be an issue. I don’t have a choice, I’m the main earner so I have to work FT. I hate that I’m consumed with envy at the life I have versus others - a never ending cycle of mess, stress and feeling like it could all fall over at any minute. Am I crazy? Should I count my blessings whilst losing myself a little each day?

I really feel for you, life can be so disappointing at times & seem quite unfair compared to some others.
If I were in your position, I would first tell me self that its absolutely OK to not feel OK & to feel disappointed with things. Dont beat yourself up for feeling these things. But then try to start swapping some of those thoughts, instead try to think about if there is absolutely anything you could do to improve your situation to make yourself feel happier & more fulfilled? Could you speak to your partner about it and see if you can both try find a solution together to improve your situations? Is there anything that he can do to reduce his hours & maximise his income? Are there any friends or family would could help out watching the kids on a regular basis so you can have some free time to do something you enjoy? Can you look at your job and see if there is anything else you could also do to reduce your hours or move into something you'd find more fulfilling too?
I guess what I'm saying is its totally OK to feel down about it for a minute or 2, but then try and put that ehergy into finding a way to make things better so that you can feel happier & fulfilled.

If you feel like it's starting to consume you & you are very miserable, could you try speak to your GP about maybe accessing some talking therapy / counselling to talk things through & make sure it's nothing like PND/depression.

Life is really tough right now for so many people, this COS crisis is horrendous, so maybe trying to connect with & talk to others who are also struggling might help, as it sounds like your SAHM friends aren't having the same issues.

I really hope you are OK & things can improve for you very soon xx

I’ve been overwhelmed by the messages. So much great advice and positivity (from most). I fully appreciate people are worse off than me but envy isn’t logical. It’s a base, horrible feeling tbh. I’m going to speak to my DH and try to carve out some time. I’ll still hate working full time but maybe I don’t want to be a SAHP either, just have enough money not to worry and feel knackered. Thank you.

I’m a SAHM and I’ve been sending my son(4) to nursery since he was 2. For about 12 hours per week. I genuinely think it benefits both of us, and my husband and DD(15) as I have time to do things for them too. Yes, I understand how lucky I am.

Grass isn’t always greener as they say, that’s what I focus on.

I’m exactly the same though, we both work FT yet have friends who are either PT or barely work at all and they are constantly on holiday. I just keep thinking one day it will come back around and working and accruing a pension will allow us a nice retirement (hopefully)

I could have written this, though my two are currently younger and I'm on mat leave at the moment. I think it's swings and roundabouts. I have to go back FT because my job can't be done PT and frankly we need the money, though most will go in nursery fees. Ideally I'd prefer to work 3 days until they start school so I actually get to spend some time with them. I'm never going to get it back, but house prices are the deciding factor and we just can't afford it unfortunately. Being a SAHM is hard and relentless unless they are in school or childcare for part of the time. I don't have the sort of job that gets left at the end of the day either, but I find looking after both harder to be honest. Maybe it's their ages as they're only 6 months and 2.5. I need to work at least some of the time or I'd go crazy, but I'm sad I don't get the choice to spend more time with them in their little years. It was easier with first as I knew I wanted another so I'd spend more time with him that way, but it's quite gut wrenching knowing the second won't get the same. Their nursery is great but I think I'll always be sad I didn't get to spend more time with them.

Lots of advice here- given up my salary , career to raise mine. I love it but I do it 24/7 and there is no break. I’d love to use my brain again but life is more complex as I care for family too. I have hobbies but little time and shoved at it when all I’d like is peace for an afternoon. No gym membership, new clothes and agree turn around and the Lego is everywhere…. I miss my money but that’s my cloth and I have to be happy with it and I’m lucky very lucky . Please enjoy your time off at Christmas and enjoy your children so your time counts .

Roseeone- totally I’ve done the same