Am I rude

[TheAverageJoanne]

Interested in thoughts here. I've just been looking in a jeweller's window in my own world really and stepped in front of a woman also looking in the window. I'd put her in her 60s, she was with a guy about her own age and a younger guy. I didn't register her until she muttered something and then glared at me and said "manners".

I've got a lot on my mind at the moment and didn't think, I asked her what she meant and she said I'd walked in front of her for which I apologised but she carried on talking about having no manners. Of course I have manners but I wasn't thinking. She' made a mountain out of a molehill IMO. If someone had done this to me I really wouldn't care, and I'd accept an apology and move on.

I've got an uncle like this. Always going on about people not saying thanks for holding a door open for example. I take his point but he goes on and on, passive aggressively.

I'm not mannerless or rude but like most people I make mistakes.

You were both a bit rude: you for stepping in front of her; she for keeping on about it even after you apologized. She was worse because she persisted.

Why do people take one incident discussed on Mumsnet and think that's an indication of someone's entire personality? Why would making one mistake mean someone has "low standards"? Rather like saying that because someone gets drunk one night then they've got a drink problem or they accidentally drive at 31 in a 30 zone then they're unsafe drivers.

I'm not saying this to wriggle out of anything but to point out hyperbolic comments.

You accidentally did something and apologised. That's it. The person either didn't think you were being sincere or decided to take one accident to rant about what they perceive as a society issue.
So not your fault you can move on

You were rude whether you intended to be or not. Yes the lady is being a bit dramatic about it but you were rude.

Agree with this. You made a thoughtless mistake (something we’ve all done), and as soon as it was pointed out you apologised. Not much more you could have done. For me, people who don’t accept a genuine and well intentioned apology are far ruder than those who make a genuine error and then seek to apologise / rectify the situation.

I think she was rude. Intentionally so.
You made a mistake, which you apologised for. Some people like to make others look small by correcting them.

It does sound like you both behaved rudely. You were rude by walking in front of her, but she was equally rude for not accepting your apology and banging in and on about it.

She didn't do it deliberately and she apologised.

“Some people like to make others look small by correcting them.”

Apt observation. A lot of it on this thread!

Seriously?

One is a conscious decision the other is a mistake

Similar happened to me in a shop the other day... I was looking at hair clips, and this lady reached her arm out in front of me, I assumed to grab something she knew she wanted, so I took half a step back, thinking to give her the space to pick up what she wanted, but she then moved into the space I was in, literally squeezing herself right in front on me so I had to move further back, then spent ages looking at everything! She definitely wasn't unaware I was there though, and in that instance I thought she was extremely rude, as she effectively pushed me out the way so she didn't have to wait to browse. I muttered something about being rude, but she was completely oblivious. In your situation it sounds like you weren't aware of the other people, and apologised once you realised what you'd done, so I don't think it was necessary for the woman to call you rude. If the lady who pushed in front of me the other day, turned around and said "oh gosh, sorry, I didn't realise you were still looking" or similar, I would have laughed it off and said no worries, but it all depends on the context of it.

You apologised - that should be the end of it. People who harp on endlessly about another person’s mistake after an apology has been made are much ruder and more obnoxious than the person who made the original mistake.

what the fuck is wrong with you?

Isn’t there just? It’s also struck me that this thread is quite a good example of people judging themselves by their intentions and others by their actions.

There’s no way anybody alive today hasn’t, at some point, unintentionally been rude or offended someone. If you think you haven’t then you definitely haven’t apologised or been as consistently aware as you claim.

I would have said, oh I did not mean to, I did not see you there and smile (I would mean it too)

However, if the woman carried on then I would say’ I can hear you muttering, it is you that is being intentionally rude’.

I remember similar happened to me a few years ago. I parked in a space outside the shops. I got out of the car and a woman in a car with an old lady in her car, yelled ‘Hey I was going in to the space. I have a disabled person with me’. I said oh sorry I did not see you. I was thinking, I will get back in the car and move it so she can have the space. However she carried on, saying I bet you didn’t see me, mutter mutter. So I went to the shops and left her to it.

Well it is rude to step in front of somebody when they are looking at something and you didn’t apologise you asked what she meant. So you were rude not once but twice.

*So you just stood infront of someone looking in a shop window? I would have found that incredibly rude!

I don't think that's comparable to not saying thank you to someone holding the door open but that is crap too. This is much worse! I imagine she felt pretty worthless and invisible having someone just take over the spot she was looking at like that*

A teeny bit dramatic perhaps?? 😆

OP I suspect from this thread that the woman in question was a mumsnetter, because back in real life, yes sure stepping in front of somebody is rude if you do it knowingly or aggressively. You were miles away, you apologised when you realised. That should have been the end of it.
It sounds like the other woman was rather enjoying her little perch of moral high ground.

@greyhairnomore she apologised.. for doing something rude..

Maybe she made a mistake like you did? She forgot to stop talking? She meant to but she was so upset she wasn’t thinking right. So you can both excuse your behaviour.

The old lady was just being rude and over dramatic in front of the people she was with

No doubt they were absolutely cringing themselves

Or sadly think as she does that's it ok to go on and on and on about about your absentminded movement

Don't worry about it

She's just a miserable or cow delighted at bringing misery to all those around her

I get her. It's annoying when people do what you did. But you apologised, her going on about it after that turns the tables, so that she becomes the rude person.

People walk absentmindedly all the time infront of me when I'm in the supermarket or a shop to look at or get something from a shelf

I shrug my shoulders or raise my hands to the side as you do but never so that they can see me and life's to short to mention it to them as I'm sure we all do it without realising

Don't sweat the small stuff

You knew she was there.

and stepped in front of a woman also looking in the window.

You wouldn't have had to step in front of her if she wasn't there would you?

You had to be prompted to apologise.

I didn't register her until she muttered something and then glared at me and said "manners".

You mean you didn't consider her as opposed to not register her presence.

For someone who didn't register the presence of others you manage to get quite a description of them.

I'd put her in her 60s, she was with a guy about her own age and a younger guy.

She was far ruder than you.

There is very little ruder than not being gracious and accepting a genuine apology.

To be honest, I find people who say “manners” and “a thank you wouldn’t hurt” etc INCREDIBLY rude! More rude, probably, than the person who made the mistake and stepped in front of them without realising.

Please don’t do it, those who do. It’s so unnecessarily shaming and immediately makes you into the bad guy.