Am I rude

[TheAverageJoanne]

Interested in thoughts here. I've just been looking in a jeweller's window in my own world really and stepped in front of a woman also looking in the window. I'd put her in her 60s, she was with a guy about her own age and a younger guy. I didn't register her until she muttered something and then glared at me and said "manners".

I've got a lot on my mind at the moment and didn't think, I asked her what she meant and she said I'd walked in front of her for which I apologised but she carried on talking about having no manners. Of course I have manners but I wasn't thinking. She' made a mountain out of a molehill IMO. If someone had done this to me I really wouldn't care, and I'd accept an apology and move on.

I've got an uncle like this. Always going on about people not saying thanks for holding a door open for example. I take his point but he goes on and on, passive aggressively.

I'm not mannerless or rude but like most people I make mistakes.

In that case then she over reacted and I apologise. I thought you meant you just stood infront of her. I don't think nipping past but infront of someone is particularly rude.

Not sure why people are tearing into you op. You made a mistake and apologised, the lady was much ruder than you were by going on about manners after your apology. Seems pretty straightforward!

imagine if you found out the woman then went onto social media to make a thread about the incident.. how over the top do you think she was being then?

In my OP I've clearly said in my last sentence that I made a mistake.

I think this is the point - you're only thinking about yourself, your intentions, your mistake, how you felt being pulled up for rudeness. Nothing about how you made her feel, walking in front of her as if she didn't matter. Older women do often get treated as invisible and it can be quite hurtful.

I think this partly a function of the way we teach "manners" culturally; lots of rote-learning of compulsory responses and forced apologies and social hoop-jumping, and not enough genuine empathy or exploration of the reasons behind appropriate behaviours. Maybe next time, think about how it felt for her to be disregarded like that, and give a sincere apology.

I might have misunderstood but of you are looking at something and someone just stands infront of you blocking what you are looking at, would that not upset you?

irritate, yes. Upset, no. It certainly wouldn’t prompt me to question my own self worth.

You made a mistake and the other woman pounced on it and made it a bigger issue than it was. I think she was rude, not you.

That's not what I actually did.

Yes, it was rude.

If it's any comfort to you, you're in common company, especially since Covid.

Whether other people are "in a world of their own" out in public, or they're suffering from main character syndrome, rudeness in public spaces is now so common it's fast becoming a societal norm.

Mumsnet innit?!

I sometimes do this without thinking (go in front of someone because I'm distracted) but my reaction is always clear. I'll say something like 'I'm so sorry, that was so rude of me' and be sincerely apologetic. People accept it as a mistake

It would annoy me, briefly, but it wouldn’t upset me. If anyone was genuinely upset by this most minor of incidents I’d either worry about their fragile mental state or think they were a complete drama queen.

I'm always aware of my own surroundings and personal space, because I don't want to be rude 🤷priorities

You were rude in that instance. Doesn't make you a rude person. Just makes you a normal person.

I would like to think I am well mannered and polite, but no doubt I have done things that have inconvenienced others.

The other lady wasn't wrong to get tutty at you. but once you apologised she should have left it. But again, can I say I am reasonable all the time? No, I can't. You might have been the third person to step in front of her that morning.

Bloody hell - the OP hasn’t put her in a home. She briefly stood in her way and then apologised.

You made an error and you apologised. It's arguably more rude to continue harping on about something after an apology has been delivered. It shows a distinct lack of manners to disregard an apology rather than accept it gracefully and move on

I agree with this.

This sort of thing happens to me multiple times daily, so I understand why she'd be annoyed, but she should've left it after you apologised. The fact that you said sorry shows you've got manners, most people don't bother.

I'm with OP on this one.

You were rude.

And when you get to be over 60 (and you'd better hope you do, the alternative's worse) I hope you don't become invisible to younger people, the way this woman was obviously invisible to you.

This.

It was rude - as in a minor transgression, to unthinkingly step in front of her.

You apologised.

She was rude to carry on about it.

That's just what some people are like.

YABU to still be thinking about it after the event. Make like a dog, kick some dirt over that shit and move on.

I mean, it was a bit of an oversight and not worth the oh so serious negative comments you're getting. You apologised, and the woman decided to overreact. I wouldn't use up any more mental space over it.

🤣🤣🤣 oh have a day off.

You were unintentionally rude and you apologised.

She then carried on about it, which made her wrong unless you had an attitude?

I mean there are ways of saying 'sorry' that are either genuine or sarcastic.

I apologised and said it was an oversight. I had no need to be grudging or sarky.