Am I rude

[TheAverageJoanne]

Interested in thoughts here. I've just been looking in a jeweller's window in my own world really and stepped in front of a woman also looking in the window. I'd put her in her 60s, she was with a guy about her own age and a younger guy. I didn't register her until she muttered something and then glared at me and said "manners".

I've got a lot on my mind at the moment and didn't think, I asked her what she meant and she said I'd walked in front of her for which I apologised but she carried on talking about having no manners. Of course I have manners but I wasn't thinking. She' made a mountain out of a molehill IMO. If someone had done this to me I really wouldn't care, and I'd accept an apology and move on.

I've got an uncle like this. Always going on about people not saying thanks for holding a door open for example. I take his point but he goes on and on, passive aggressively.

I'm not mannerless or rude but like most people I make mistakes.

MuckyElbows
Nothing worse than people who are unaware of their surroundings.

I think there is. Starvation and genocide for stsrters.

I think this answers your question, yes you are rude

Maybe a bit oblivious but you apologised. Mistakes happen. Don’t let it eat you up.

You apologised and that should have been the end of it. The other woman was rude by banging on about it and trying to belittle you.

I mean she was OTT (and probably wouldn't have said it to a big 6'2 burly guy which is my pet peeve with passive aggressive commenters) but I do think a lot of people are rude.

I don't think there's every any justification for not saying thank you for holding a door open, for example. You can't be so unaware of your circumstances that you don't realise that you didn't have to open a door yourself so therefore someone held it for you and if you are you're not safe to be out in public!

OP I'm naturally a bit thoughtless like this and have very poor spatial awareness so I do things like this all the time (stepping in front of people without realising and not saying thank you when people let me pass etc) and people have frequently called it rude.

I've come to accept that a) my radar for this sort of thing is shit and b) other people care more about this than I do so I have become pretty vigilant about it but I still do it sometimes. If someone calls me out on it I will apologise but I then expect that to be the end of it. Worrying away at someone who has obviously done something by accident is needlessly self-important and punitive.

So I think yes you were mildly rude but it was very obviously done accidentally and she should have taken your apology and left it. Banging on about "manners" was a bit twattish.

Yea, it would have come across as rude OP. I've had an awful lot on my plate recently and have been doing stuff like this myself without being aware of my surroundings. All you can do is apologise and move on, - which is what you did, it was unintentional. If they choose to still be mad about it, that's their problem.

You were unintentionally rude and it had to be pointed out to you. You then apologised, which should have been an end to it. I don't see why her age is relevant.

I asked that because I have a family member similar age who does talk a lot about rudeness and manners.

She’s not though is she? People make mistakes. She would have been rude if she’d flipped that woman the bird when she commented, but she didn’t, she apologised. The woman was rude not to accept the apology. By doing that she’s laid out her stall - nothing the OP could have said or done would have been good enough. That woman wanted to be pissy and outraged to make sure anyone in earshot understood she was some sort of victim of an awful society. It’s exhausting. The OP didn’t owe her any more than the apology she gave her.

I honestly wonder how some people leave the house.

This would have been fine. But instead of apologising straight away OP went with “what do you mean?” Which sounds quite confrontational and probably why the woman doubled down on talking about manners.

Be kind to yourself OP. You have a lot on your mind by the sounds of it and were distracted. You were task focused and not situation aware as a result. The consequences were not intended. We've all done it and are likely to do it again as humans not robots. Forgive yourself and move on x

I’m not sure I understand the timeline. Did you apologise before she said “manners” or after?

@TheAverageJoanne

You apologised and the gracious [and correct] response is for the other person to accept the apology without grumbling!

Rude action on the street. Rude in this thread.
I'm going to go with, yes, you are rude.
Could be wrong, these may the only times you've ever behaved in a rude manner but from what I've seen, I vote yes.

I don't know if you're a rude person as I don't know you but your action in this instance was rude. However it's done now, move on and just be a bit more aware of your surroundings next time.

It is a bit of a mountain out of a molehill so yes I would say the older woman was just looking to vent and you gave her the opportunity. You accidentally stepped in front of someone and apologised. If this woman was being passive aggressive and going on about manners I would be irritated too.

I’m just curious why the woman’s age mattered enough to remark on it?

You sound rude both in your story and the way you've responded to MNers whose answers you dislike. 🤷‍♀️ People around you are telling you you are rude and you're just blithely carrying on offending them and getting defensive when called on it.

From the way you have conducted yourself on this thread, it is very clear that you gave an insincere or passive aggressive apology for barging in front of the woman and I note that you never said you got out of the way either, which was probably the main thing she actually wanted.

You made an inconsequential mistake and apologised for it…how is that rude?

It’s awful when you apologise for something (in this case something very trivial) and the person won’t accept the apology. I think that sort of person just loves complaining and clearly loves making others uncomfortable. Surely the correct social etiquette is “It’s fine, don’t worry!” with a big smile?

Because OP is rude and it's another way she can denigrate someone who she thinks has affronted her by pulling her up on her rudeness. 🤷‍♀️

Her saying that alerted me to what was going on. I asked her and she clarified and I apologised. She then continued talking about bad manners.

I must be missing something because I haven’t detected rudeness from the OP??

it's another way she can denigrate someone who she thinks has affronted her

what was commenting on the ages of the men accompanying the woman meant to be implying then? I didn’t see any of it as more than descriptors. Irrelevant and not really needed but not affecting anything about the scenario.

That exact thing happened to me later. A guy got on the bus to pay his fare before I'd got off. (I think you're supposed to allow everyone to get off before getting on). He was really apologetic and I told him it was fine, don't worry about it.

Why are people ignoring that OP didn't mean to do it and apologised? I think the other woman sounds like a PITA.