Am I rude

[TheAverageJoanne]

Interested in thoughts here. I've just been looking in a jeweller's window in my own world really and stepped in front of a woman also looking in the window. I'd put her in her 60s, she was with a guy about her own age and a younger guy. I didn't register her until she muttered something and then glared at me and said "manners".

I've got a lot on my mind at the moment and didn't think, I asked her what she meant and she said I'd walked in front of her for which I apologised but she carried on talking about having no manners. Of course I have manners but I wasn't thinking. She' made a mountain out of a molehill IMO. If someone had done this to me I really wouldn't care, and I'd accept an apology and move on.

I've got an uncle like this. Always going on about people not saying thanks for holding a door open for example. I take his point but he goes on and on, passive aggressively.

I'm not mannerless or rude but like most people I make mistakes.

YANBU. You apologised and said it was a mistake, what does she want you to do, die in a ditch over it?!

Some people don’t accept apologies because they likely don’t know how to apologise themselves.

We went to the theatre last weekend and went to our seats 15 minutes before the show started. I said sorry to people because they had to tuck their feet in slightly to let us pass to our seats and they had faced like slapped arses.

I’m glad they were inconvenienced later by people going to the loo and for drinks. Watching them huff and puff was good, I’m sorry I said sorry to them. As we were in the middle, we didn’t have to get up for anyone.

This

You asked her what was wrong - and she explained. Is your issue that she didn't stop talking when you felt she should have? If you didn't cop what you had done because you were I. Your old world and then had to ask her what she meant I can understand why she continued after the point you considered necessary. Also, maybe she had a lot on her mind and you should extend her the same courtesy you wanted for yourself.

You were a bit rude, as in thoughtless not obnoxious, she pulled you up on it, you apologised. That should have been job done.

However she was then rude by continuing to gripe. It's good manners to accept an apology in good grace. Not so to keep banging on after the situation has been politely resolved.

This word soup makes zero sense.

Maybe read this thread. OP did accept she made a mistake, which is why she APOLOGISED.

Why did you need to ask the woman for clarification before apologising though? Wasn’t it obvious to you that you’d stepped in front of her as soon as you heard her say “manners” and became aware she was there?

Stepping in front of her was rude.
Asking her to explain herself sounds antagonistic.
A better response would have just been to apologise.
She should have had the grace not to go on about it.

Hmm. For me, this dismissive response just demonstrated that you probably are quite rude quite often.

It’s not rude, she’s right. Those things are much worse.

Yes, it's rude. When people do that to me, I always ask if I'm invisible.

Even after the person apologises?

@Ktime I'm so sorry. Lots of typos and autocorrect- must preview in future.

You asked her what was wrong - and she explained. Is your issue that she didn't stop talking when you felt she should? If you didn't cop what you had done because you were "in your own world" and then had to ask her what she meant I can see why she continued after the point that you considered necessary. Also, maybe she had a lot on her mind was also in her own world and you should extend her the courtesy you would want for yourself.

Hope that makes more sense.

Yes you were rude but you’re on here wanting to be told you weren’t.

you obviously have low standards when it comes to manners so crack on upsetting people then taking umbrage when they pull you up on it.

Commenting on one’s manners is the worst manners faux pas ever.

Sound like this was the only excitement this poor lady had that day and probably gave her something to talk about with her mates, so you did a kind thing by bringing some value into her life, so unintentionally rudely.

Oh dear. I got this far and am wondering if it's going to be

OP: AIBU
MN: yes
OP: am not!

@chocolatemademefat i don’t think that’s what the OP was after at all. She got in someone’s personal space and apologised for that. That’s not rude is it?

I think she was after understanding the reasoning for someone not letting an apology be the end of it, which frankly, I’m with her on. There’s nothing more she could have offered the woman was there? going on and on about is passive aggressive and incredibly provocative. If I had to guess the woman wanted a reaction that would prove she was right in her indignation. The last thing she wanted was an apology or any attempt at righting (an extremely tiny) offence.

You were rude, and yes, you apologised but look at what you were actually thinking. That some old woman (because you brought her age into it) had to audacity to tell you off, and you don’t think she should have. You just come across a little bit up yourself, and it makes me wonder how often you don’t care about your surroundings and just do what suits you. In this case, you only realised because someone told you. How often do people not say anything and you breeze on by being rude?

You weren't rude at all. You made a mistake and apoligised. Nothing wrong with that.

Honestly, nothing of what you describe would even have registered with me. If that makes people on here decide I must be rude then so be it..

Should have said "apologised" there. Sorry for the typo.

Well, you did ask 🙄

You were rude yes. She then made a bit of mountain out of a molehill.

Peoples reading comprehension is so poor. Shes not arguing if she was rude or not,

She was literally asking if she was rude in her AIBU. You’re rude as well and your punctuation isn’t great.
😀

Yes you were rude. And you only apologised when it was mentioned to you. So yes you were rude.

You were rude and ought to have apologised but didn’t. I’d be cross if someone barged in front of me too.

Love how you’re asking if you were rude but won’t accept that you were. Why bother asking?

OP, you say you didn't register the woman. Assuming it wasn't the biggest jeweller's window in the world, I don't know how you could stand in front of someone without noticing. You were also only prompted to apologise by her "manners" comment. So yes, it was a social etiquette faux pas. I agree she didn't need to go on and on but perhaps she'd had a belly full that day. You say she was in her 60's. The trouble is, as you age you can start to develop ailments and aches and pains and life doesn't get any easier I can tell you. You also seem to develop an invisible cloak and often feel ignored. All of this comes into play, just like your rather thoughtless day dreaming.

You were rude and ought to have apologised but didn’t

literally right there in the OP:

she said I'd walked in front of her for which I apologised