To have sent this text?

[schitts]

I've been on a few dates with a lovely guy, however, I have cancelled the past two just due to genuinely being busy. We were meant to go a walk tomorrow afternoon but I just have been feeling a bit sick about it recently as I feel like dating is a distraction and it's taking mental and physical energy away from other things I need to concentrate on. He text this morning asking how I was and so I replied this,

'Hey, Hope you’re good! I have been thinking and I’ve enjoyed chatting with you and getting to know you a bit but I’m just so busy the now I just think there’s no point meeting up. It’s not going to go anywhere, there’s so much time passed between our last date (my fault) and I just think it’s going to be like that due to how busy I am and probably won’t progress so don’t want to waste your time. I have one day off a week the next couple of months and I really just feel like I need to be spending that with my kids and concentrating on them. Things will settle down for me around march once I qualify so who knows then. But at the moment I just feel like I’m getting pulled in different directions and I need to just concentrate on the kids and my placement and work before anything else. I’ll miss chatting with you though, have enjoyed it, you’re great and funny 😆 sorry just want to be upfront and stop wasting your time as I’ve cancelled past few meet ups. X'

I thought it was decent enough as we have been in touch for 7 weeks now so didn't want to just disappear. He text me back saying,

'No worries, take care x'

But my friend has now said she is cringing for me that I wrote a big text like that to someone I 'barely know' and she reckons he will be showing his pals and laughing.

Maybe I should have just written something shorter and more to the point?

Is this embarassing?

No I don’t think it’s embarrassing at all it’s just honest. I would rather receive that than be ghosted or just get cancellations etc. At least he knows where he stands and the truth of it all!

I think that’s fine, can’t see anything cringe about it! Much better than ghosting him or whatever.

I agree with the others. I don’t see it as cringe. However, maybe don’t ask me as I’ve not been single since I was 20 so I’m way out of touch.

It’s fine. Your friend is being a bit over the top. Who cares how he reacts? He’s taken it well, you said what you needed to say.

I do feel it was long and you didn’t have to over-explain, but it’s an uncomfortable thing to have to say, so I think we all tend to go into detail when faced with saying something difficult.

it’s kinder to over- explain than to just disappear.

Well done for looking after your needs!

Perfectly reasonable and kind

Seems like a nice message to me and you get your point across. He seems to have taken it well.

Nice message

It was a very nice message and not too long at all, you explained everything you needed to explain. Not remotely cringe. Your friend is being a bit weird.

It is a bit longer than it needs to be, but no it's not cringe. Much better to be upfront.

If the guy did react the way your friend thinks then he would be an arse and you'd have dodged a bullet anyway.

You sent a kind, reasonable message. He sent a polite response. All good, well-handled by both of you. Is your friend always a stirrer looking to put you down?

Message fine, well received by the sound of it. Well he is a guy. I'd have preferred a less dismissive response but he may not be very eloquent like you.

Friend is a stirrer. Watch out for that one. Sounds like she wants to do you down.

I found it cringy.

Hmmm. Why does the friend feel the need to say that to you? Is this a pattern, trying to make you feel bad?

Only a fool would find it cringy

It’s fine, he seems to think so.

I suppose he might be wondering why you bothered dating him or anyone given you knew the restrictions on your time. A woman posting on here in his place would be told if he was interested he’d make time. He won’t show his mates because it’s a gentle but decisive brush off and no one wants to publicise those.

Why?

I met him by chance out and about, was not looking to date. I think my interest in him became less and less the more time between now and our last date.

It’s a grown up, mature text. You have been clear and kind and not left him with any doubts or wondering. Your friend sounds young and a bit immature tbh. Dating would be a lot easier and straightforward if everyone communicated like you have.

Sounds reasonable to me - I’d be happy someone was up front as these days ghosting seems to be the way things are done (by both genders)

It doesn’t matter as you’ll never see him again. What I would be concerned about is having a friend who is looking to make you feel bad and suggesting scenarios of humiliation that are designed to make you feel worried and embarrassed. What kind of friend is that? Watch your back with that one.

Everything in that text could have been written (still politely) in a couple of short sentences so, yes, it's way too long. But if that's your style why would you feel embarrassed?

I think it was really unnecessary and over the top. I found it a bit cringey, it is very “oh I am so interesting, so busy, such a full life blah blah blah”, a definite under current of you being far busier than he could possibly be. I don’t know why you didn’t send a simple two liner.

I don’t think it’s cringey it’s fine.
I guess there might be some people who read that and think a polite short ‘sorry I’m just too busy with family life at the moment to keep meeting up even though I’ve enjoyed our chats. Take care x’ would have done.
But I don’t think you need to over analyse. What you wrote was acceptable.

It's very me me me but if you normally send big long messages then he'll think nothing of it.

I think the people who find it cringe are a bit immature. People seem to play a lot of games when dating and I think you being very honest is a decent thing to do so he's not left wondering, as so many people do, what happened.

And even if he does laugh and show his mates, he's a dick and you've had a lucky escape.

Not at all, I think your message was absolutely fine, and his reply was very gracious considering.