Husband left kids alone at home

[OhDamnYourEyes]

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

You’re unreasonable because you’ve done it yourself in the past for 21/2 hours!
they’re far too young for this both of you need to get priorities straight

You are both utterly grim. No responsible parent leaves children that young alone.

You are Both ridiculous and irresponsible. A visit from social services wouldn't go amiss.

Thread didn't turn out how you thought!!!!!!!!

It doesn't make sense that you had a go at your husband for leaving them on their own when you were both happy to leave them home alone

Leaving children when they are awake, know where you are and how to contact you is totally different from sneaking out when children are asleep and have no idea you're not there. I as an adult would certainly feel differently if husband tells me he's going out or if I wake up and he's suddenly gone.

Oh. That made me cry.

OP how old are you and you partner?
Was partying a thing for you pre-kids?
My oh and I were party people and as much as we miss those days now that we have 2 DC, 11 is far too young to leave in charge which you’ve addressed.
Im just thinking is that why your oh thought it was ok to go out locally? Not that it makes it ok especially as he lied to you. All those saying get rid of him I think are a bit extreme but I would categorically make sure that your children are never left alone gain in future. Major lesson learned here.

I hope this thread has given you the wake up call you both sorely need. You are neglectful and your kids deserve better.

If any of the kids in my school that are your children’s age told me that they were left alone from 8-10:30pm while their parents went to a party, I’d be filling out a cause for concern form and handing it to the safeguarding lead.

My parents did this to me and my brother, we didn't know they'd gone out, he was six and I was ten. I woke to find the house empty. My parents discovered us making our way to my grandparents, they bollocked me and said we could have been picked up by anybody!!!
What you have done disgusts me, if somebody had found out you could well have had social-workers knocking your door, and deservedly so.

In Estonia the age of consent is 14. Are all 14 year old children mature enough to make that decision?

Sorry but what have I just read? An 11 year old being left in charge of an 8 year old at night so the parents can go to a party, that’s insane!!!!! What on earth were you both thinking?! As for him yesterday, what did you expect when that is your standard!

I think leaving them at home is fine depending on the level of maturity. But he should've communicated and agreed this with you first.

Fuck sake this is shocking you are both absolute idiots for doing this all for a party?? Missing out on stuff is part of being a parent, your children come first. People like you disgust me what if one of them had woken up? Became unwell? House fire? Burglar? Power cut? So many things that children of that age just aren’t able to cope with.
I am in no way sticking up for ur dh BUT why would him going out tonight be any different to before. In his mind I assume he was thinking they were sleeping and wouldn’t even know, done it before.

My dh would be out the door for this and reported to the police. I hope ur children say something in school about being left alone because u both deserve to be reported.

It's 16 since last year, but what's your point? No, not all 7 year olds are mature enough to be left home alone, the supreme court also said that one always has to consider the particular child and the circumstances.
I would expect that an average 14-15 year old is mature enough to be left though, while several people on this thread have disagreed.

Your husband was unreasonable for what he did.

You are both unreasonable for what you’ve done in the past.

Please stop leaving your children at home alone, even during the day. They are too young.

The decisions that you are making are placing your children at risk of significant harm, which is the threshold for child protection procedures being in place to safeguard your children.

How did it go?

Thank god the children are OK.
Lesson learnt.
Scream at your husband who hasn't learnt a thing.

First reply nailed it. You both set this up with that precedent.

However, what he did was worse. If they had woken up they’d have been terrified to find out they were alone.

Six homes a couple of streets from us were taken out in a fire. Fires do happen and young children shouldn’t have to find themselves in one without an adult.

You are both neglectful parents so you can't be mad at him over something you've done. It's awful though obviously and if my ex did that my child wouldn't be staying again.

OMG, not right OP, why are you both suddenly so keen to get out and leave them?

My DC are 9 and 11 (v nearly 10 and 12) and we've started leaving them for 15-30 mins in the daytime.

Awful from the pair of you!

Wow. I got a panicked phone call from my daughter one night when she woke up. She was at her dad’s and couldn’t find him. I was very nearly in the car going round (well after midnight) as he wasn’t answering his phone. I told her to check all the rooms and she eventually heard him on the phone inside his back door. But she panicked as she woke up and thought he was gone. She was 13. In fact last night she panicked at 9pm as she was sat in the lounge on her phone and didn’t notice me take a phone call and move to my bedroom so she wasn’t over hearing the call (she’s autistic and even with her AirPods in she can usually hear and often interrupts me). She appeared at my bedroom door saying she thought I must have gone to the shops!! I said not at that time and if I needed to pop out I would have told her - she’s fine being left for short periods.

I just hope your DH hadn’t snuck out whilst they were asleep as if they woke they would have been upset.

Not sure why people are piling on the OP. They tried something out, and it didn't feel right so they decided not to do it again.

But for your OH to leave them alone asleep is pretty bad behaviour in my book, why couldn't his friend come around to his?

Re leaving them alone - don’t do it.

you have a responsibility to look after your children. What is wrong with you?

I think 11 is the right age once they go to secondary school to start leaving them alone for short periods of time in the daytime. However, 11 years old is far too young to be left in charge/responsible for anyone else.