Husband left kids alone at home

[OhDamnYourEyes]

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

What’s ND and NT?

NT is neurotypical and ND means Neurodiverse, the later mostly refers to Autism or ADHD.

It absolutely is - though he's not 16 quite yet - the reason it hasn't happened a lot yet is because the eldest only just left for uni 2 months ago. The three of them were regularly left together but eldest was probably more in charge as he's a bit more chilled.
#2 had been left with #3 no problems, just hasn't happened for 'a big night out', more for a couple of hours here or there 🙂We should go out more is my conclusion here 😂

Where I'm from it is totally normal to leave kids that age home alone. But even here you're not leaving them alone when they're asleep.

And if you read the OP the OP had made the plans first!

Then.? Safeguarding services and social services to which it would then be reported are wholly inadequate to address this low level issue

You are both as bad as each other, 11 and 8 are way too young to be left home alone regardless
of whether you are 5 minutes down the road or 15. WTAF. Totally irresponsible and acknowledging you did wrong isn’t enough, just don’t do it in the first place.

What have I just read!!! Leaving and 8 and 11 year old alone! Sorry you can’t be annoyed at your husband you’re just as bad as him! Like wtfffff

Omg imagine them being asleep in bed and a fire started by the time they woke (if in fact they did wake) they would never get out of a burning house

OP are you expecting everyone to side with you and call your husband an irresponsible parent when you are as equally irresponsible. You really didn’t think about this post did you?

Jesus Christ. Mine are 8 and nearly 14 and im nowhere near leaving them alone except for a quick 15 min pop to the shop. 11 is WAY too young for this responsibility.

Not sure what is meant by a safe area. I personally don't feel there is such a thing. We were burgled while we were in bed and lived in a small quaint village that most people would perhaps describe as a safe area (village neighbourhood watch, hardly any crime ever previously) soco told us the next day they'd been upstairs whilst we slept. I wouldn't have agreed previous to this that leaving 8 and 11 year olds alone was acceptable though, it's far too young and you were right to be mad at DH.

She also said she thinks it’s ok to leave them in the day time while she went to the shops !
why do people have kids if they think leaving them alone whilst they go out is ok !!
totally irresponsible

Are you actually having a laugh? 8 years old. Nights out and parties. I have no words.

This is awful 😱😱😱😱 8 and 11 years old is too young in my eyes to be left home alone at all!!!! I actually can't believe that there are parents like this out there

Imagine if they woke up and nobody was there how scary for them! Did he lock them in? Do they know how to get out in an emergency?

There'll be plenty of time to party and go out when they've grown and left home. Until then, they're your total responsibility. Shouting at your partner is a bit rich. You should look at yourself.

I thought leaving your child alone before age 13 is a no no. I didn't leave mine alone to go out in the evening until he was 14, yours are far to young.

Of course they should not be left alone at all!! This is what the Government says:

The law on leaving your child on their own
The law does not say an age when you can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) says:

• children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time
• children under 16 should not be left alone overnight
• babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone

Parents can be prosecuted if they leave a child unsupervised ‘in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health’.

so you can both leave them to go out to a party at night for a few hours. But he can’t leave them where he’s only 15 mins away?

pot….kettle…..black

This. You haven't got a leg to stand on when you previously did it. Really negligent behaviour. 8 is way too young to be home alone. You can start to leave your. 11 yo. e.g. when you go to the shops, but can't leave them alone with 8yo.

I suppose you know your own children best, but even so, an 11 year old in charge of an 8 yr old is a hugh responsiblity and I would not think that their ability to make decisions if they were in any kind of danger, or an accident should happen would be possible. My thoughts go to the McCann family, who left their children sleeping while they ate in a nearby dining area in the resort they were in. Madeline has still not been found. No, this is definitely not something that I would do, there is always a worse case scenario and I would not be prepared to risk it.

It doesn't make sense that you had a go at your husband for leaving them on their own when you were both happy to leave them home alone to go to a party! And yes they are too young to be left home alone.

this is actually not good
they are far too young
imagine this is you as a child same age and you wake up not well or bad dream ?
Not acceptable at all

Your husband was very irresponsible, he shouldn't have left the kids alone and especially not without telling them. What if they woke up all alone in the house not knowing what had happened.

I understand you went out while your husband was home with the children, so no reproach to you here.

But for the party earlier.....yes you were wrong to leave them alone, it's too soon.