Husband left kids alone at home

[OhDamnYourEyes]

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

It is actually outrageous and you are conveniently ignoring the 8 year old. To expect the 11 year old to effectively baby sit their younger sibling is awful.

Given you've already had a conversation where you agreed that they're actually too young, and you asked him not to go out and he did anyway, YANBU. Massively so. He didn't even tell you he was going out, he probably presumed he'd be back before you and you'd never no. I don't know what I'd do in this situation, but I don't think I could trust him to look after the kids again. That's a difficult situation for a couple to be in, you might as well be a single parent.

I agree with PPs that the 11 year old is too young to be in charge of the 8 year old, particularly at night.

When you couldn’t find a babysitter for the party, why didn’t just one of you go? Or, with it being only 5 minutes away, you could have taken it in turns to be there. Why did you both have to go?

An 8 year old is not, and an 11 year old should not be left in charge of an 8 year old at 10.30pm.

YANBU to be angry with your DH, considering that you’d agreed that you were previously wrong to leave them alone.

And why didn’t his friend come for a drink at your house?

YABU - You are having a go at your husband for something you have done yourself. You said you go out shopping for an hour during the day and leave them the on their own does your dh know you do this ? You have both gone to a birthday party at night and left them home alone too.
You are both irresponsible so yabu to have a go at him when leaving them is a something you have both done on previous occasions

Essentially you're saying here that we all have complete control over all our emotions. If that were true, nobody would suffer with mental health issues.

It's seriously silly to expect a child to be able to deal with fear the same way as adults do. I see adult women post on here that they're afraid to be home alone at night without their DH and many posters think that's justified, but an 8 year old should be fine?

I had to, as a lone parent. As a married woman, OP shouldn't have to, but it sounds like her husband can't be trusted.

An hour in the day OP, not at night, they are too young for that. DS is sensible and mature and he was nearly 14 when I left him for the first time to go out for the evening.

I utterly despair sometimes.

Why on earth do people have children if they think they can carry on their party lifestyle as if they hadn't?

If the party was only 5 mins away, you could have tag-teamed. Parent 1 goes for an hour, comes home, parent 2 then goes etc. Admittedly it's annoying, but those are the sacrifices you make as a parent.

Your DH was completely out of order last night, outrageously so, but you're living in a very large glass house OP and are in no position to throw stones.

You both need to go on a parenting course and for gods sake, stop leaving your kids home alone!!

I think you lost the moral high ground as you did it before
so it was as ok to leave them when it suits you but not when it only suits DH

I can see what logic he applied to presume it would be ok (as in you were ok with it previously)

you both need to agree not to do it again

This. Way, way too young to be left at night. Your dh was selfish.

I think it’s ridiculous to suggest that someone has a drink problem because they left their kids alone. You do know that alcohol is freely available for sale in shops? I agree that 8 & 11 are too young to be left alone but it used to be the norm when I was a kid a hundred years ago. I had a friend who left her 7/month old baby home alone because she was a ‘good sleeper’ !! That was in the late seventies. So while I think it’s not good to leave the kids alone it’s less shocking to me although I wouldn’t do it myself. My grandchildren are 10 and almost 12 but they come to me if their parents go out. They’re never left alone.

I agree totally with @Canthave2manycats too.

what age do people think it’s okay to leave dc alone? Everyone I know pretty much leaves their 11 yo home alone regularly during the day. At what time of
night does it become not acceptable to leave them alone? Or is it the prescence of the 8yo that’s worrying? Would it be okay to leave just the 11year old from 830 to 10pm?

Exactly this.

It isn't about what's "fair".

As a parent you have an obligation to put your children first, however "inconvenient" it may seem.

Be bloody glad you got away with it this time and didn't get home to a fire and dead children.

YABU to leave them at all at those ages without a babysitter. Mine are 14 & 12 and won’t leave them at night without a sitter yet.

YABU to leave them at all at those ages without a babysitter. Mine are 14 & 12 and won’t leave them at night without a sitter yet

You can't be be serious?! A sitter for a fourteen year old? My fourteen year old babysits other kids! Does your fourteen year old have any life skills or independence at all?

I find this quite surprising tbh. Most 14 year olds I know earn money FROM babysitting! I mean a typical 14 year old round here will walk to the shops, do a food shop, get the train to London for the day, walk to the cinema and back.. I couldn’t imagine not allowing them to be alone in the house!

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I'm not surprised he thought it was okay because you've both already done it.

11 and 8 is way too young for that.

Same here, my DDs are 14 and 11. However, DD1 is ND, so we’re obviously more cautious than we would be if she were NT.

Sorry, mine are 14 and 11.

You are both irresponsible
Your DH outright lied and went behind your back
Do neither of you consider your DC?

Now how did you make the leap to a 14yo having no life skills?

Do you think before you post or does your eagerness to be mean curtail your posting ability?