Divorced but called 'Mrs'

[Sweetsweetgrass]

I am divorced and engaged to my new partner. I kept my previous married name due to the children who are still young.

My future MIL has sent a Christmas card to my partner and I and addressed it to 'Mr x & Mrs y'. We only got engaged earlier this year but she knows I am divorced and due to marry her son (we've been dating a few years). I found it really inappropriate to address me as Mrs, verging on insulting. It's really got to me because that relationship is over, I've moved on from a difficult time and I cannot understand why she's addressed me as 'Mrs' when I'm not and she knows that.

How would you feel?

I don't think she's done anything wrong. When I got divorced I went by Ms maiden name as I wasn't a Miss and didn't want to be a Mrs. Just let her know what you prefer

Could it be a generational thing? My MIL used to address me as Mrs [DH's initial] [Surname]. I was horrified. But it was convention and she was very proper.

I've been divorced rptwelvebyears and am still Mrs. What should she address you as?

I don't see what she done wrong...my granny was divorced for 40 years and still was Mrs x despite my step granny had married my grandad. It's your name unless you change it

If it were me, it would be correct- I have been divorced for several years but still use Mrs XH'sSurname, mostly because I haven't got around to changing it but also because it doesn't matter to me.

As you use your married name still, she probably just assumed you'd use the matching noun, unless you've told her already that you prefer Ms or something else.

Shes probably not sure as you kept your married name

I'm a divorced Ms Maiden Name. This wouldn't bother me as I was back to my maiden name within a week of separation and I would never have kept my married name. I'm not saying this because I think you should be like me, but because there are so many different reactions and combinations of name and title that it's easy to get it wrong, so I think I would forgive on this occasion.

Do you go by Ms then?

YABU
You're using ExH surname so it's not unreasonable for her to assume that you use the title Mrs

I cannot understand, given that 2 out of 3 marriages end in divorce, why women still go down the patriarchal route of changing their name when they get married.

Why do you think she would be trying to insult you?

If you don't like it let her know, but she hasn't done anything wrong imo.

Some people think Ms is for divorced women but it's just for anyone who wants to keep their marital status private.

Chiiiiiiiiiiiiil.

She took a reasonable guess and got it wrong. Let her know what you prefer. You can choose whichever title you like, so how could she have known?

That is correct, if you've kept your married name. You're not Miss y.

Alternatively, if you don't want to broadcast your marital status to the world, you can use Ms, which is for any woman, single, married, divorced, widowed, who doesn't want to reveal their marital status every time they're asked for their full name.

But absolutely baffled as to why you feel it was inapproriate to use a correct form of address to you.

Unless she's got form for being pass agg I wouldn't care. Sounds like she's addressed the card in a formal way Mr and Mrs with surnames, you've kept EXH's surname (also common) IMO it would be a bit odd to address you Ms EXH's surname.

I agree with you, you're not married so Mrs is strange. But I'd also feel your name is your name- as opposed ExH's name so I'm obvs an odd fish anyway.

It’s the correct form of address. Not an insult.

I think she took the default option. If you use a different title and that's really important to you, you need to let people know. And not get offended when people don't guess right. The title "Mrs" is not automatically revoked upon divorce. Anyone can use it, in fact.

She’s correct to use Mrs unless you’ve previously told her otherwise. Relax!

Unless you sent out a letter saying "now I am divorced I would like to be addressed as XYZ" YABU how is she supposed to know.

Lots of people keep their old married name until they remarry or don't. It is a hell of a lot of paperwork to change it!

I guess I was horrified at seeing 'Mrs y' again. I am divorced and use Ms y.

I see Mrs as being for when you are married 😬

I am divorced over 10 years . I am still Mrs Starlight . Same as Ds.

I changed everything once when I got married - not doing it again

Impressed that she’s so well organised in November.

Given that you kept your married name it's not unreasonable for someone to assume that you still use the corresponding title too.

Saying that you find it insulting smacks of being a drama llama who is far too eager to take offence.

You don't mention that you specifically asked her to use a different title. I think you need to take a deep breath and let it go.

You may be divorced but you kept the name from the marriage, so addressing you as Mrs MarriedSurname is technically correct.
Aside from that, it's so normal to address women over a certain age/maturity as Mrs rather than the infantile Miss. I have never married but use Mrs for myself as I'm in my 40s so Miss is childish and Ms is silly.
You're engaged now and your MIL has sent a Christmas card, clearly her intentions are good and kind. Don't take offence where none is intended.

What has she written on all the previous years cards?