Divorced but called 'Mrs'

[Sweetsweetgrass]

I am divorced and engaged to my new partner. I kept my previous married name due to the children who are still young.

My future MIL has sent a Christmas card to my partner and I and addressed it to 'Mr x & Mrs y'. We only got engaged earlier this year but she knows I am divorced and due to marry her son (we've been dating a few years). I found it really inappropriate to address me as Mrs, verging on insulting. It's really got to me because that relationship is over, I've moved on from a difficult time and I cannot understand why she's addressed me as 'Mrs' when I'm not and she knows that.

How would you feel?

In the nicest way OP you are being cracked, lots of divorced women who keep their ex’s name remain Mrs. It is after all your married name.

If you’d prefer Ms and Mrs really bothers you, you need to say that.

It’s very Victorian housekeeper to use Mrs when you aren’t using it with a married name.

What’s wrong with Ms?

Is she telepathic?
How is she supposed to know how you'd like to be addressed?
I know a good few divorced women who call themselves Mrs Xh's name.

Genuinely, why is Ms 'silly' in your opinion? Is Mr silly?

OP I think it's a bit weird that she called you Mrs but she's probably thinking she's being technically correct and just using formal language. I wouldn't worry too much about one card, it might also have been force of habit if she was writing out a few. My in-laws almost all send cards to me addresses as Mrs husbandsname, even though they all know I kept my own name and I'm one of those silly people who use Ms. I don't take offence, I don't think they mean any harm.

I'm still a Mrs despite being divorced for 16 years , I didn't want to revert back to my maiden name and ex H and current partner are both OK with it .

Well, I am married but have never used Mrs. I have been married for a long time.

Like another poster, I just don't get why women still choose to change their name.

All this 'generational' nonsense. My mother is in her 70's and doesn't impose patriarchal conventions on other women. Jeez.

What's wrong with Victorian housekeeper, I say? Have never understood why in English we came up with Ms when we already had Mrs at our disposal.

I'm not the poster you tagged, but personally I find Ms an awkward sound and... I just like it less. This thread is destined to become a total brawl like every thread on this topic on MN since all of time... 😅

I’m married and have never used Mrs. I do find it weird when I’m addressed as that, similar to people who are married and want to be Mrs but get addressed as Ms or Miss!

I use melts former married name because that is my name, no reflection on dp, if fact going on holiday he selected mrs rather than ms! Helpful in some countries who aren't keen on unmarried couples, they know many women don't change their name!

Is it really 2 out of 3? Wow! Maybe I should consider it!

Infantile childish Miss? Silly Ms? Very judgemental. You make your choices, I can respect that, but you don't need to bring others down to justify yourself.

Your married name is also for when you’re married. The clue is in the… well, name.

The divorced people I know that still use their married surname use "Mrs", not "Ms" so chances are she's just unaware that you prefer "Ms". I'd politely let her know and think nothing more of it.

When I divorced I kept the name Mrs Sandgrown to be like my children. I also realised it would really annoy the woman he had an affair with and subsequently married. She has always been the 2nd Mrs Sandgrown!

When I divorced I changed my name by deed poll to my birth name. Your legal name is the last time you signed a register. My attitude was my ex does not want to be married to me any longer so why should I have his name.

I'm divorced and still Mrs? What's the problem?

Well, because I wanted to! I like having my husbands name, I absolutely do not give a single shit about it being patriarchal at all. I love being Mrs O and I love my children having his name too! My husband is far from perfect and after 17 years of marriage, turning 40 this year, I would still change my name if I married him tomorrow.

This. I don’t know why so many women saddle themselves with this shit.

I’ve been married nearly 20 years. Kept Ms and my surname with zero issues.

My vagina ownership shouldn’t require me to announce my marital status to everyone. It’s 2023 FFS.

How is she supposed to know what you prefer? I’d assume Mrs unless told otherwise. Many women hate Ms.

Well nothing if you are one, but for a 21st C woman it’s an odd vibe

Ms - something to do with American clothing catalogues I believe, but it’s too late to go back now and I can’t see how it’s anymore awkward to say than the other two

Ha ha
My friends ex husband asked her to go back to her maiden name as his OW was not happy at being the 2nd 'Mrs Smith'.

She said as long as he agreed she could change the kids' names as well then that was fine, but he disagreed so she's still the 1st Mrs Smith!! Much to the OW annoyance.

I think the disadvantage of Ms is that it’s making a public statement: ‘I don’t wish to reveal my marital status’ whereas if you aren’t married and use Mrs then you aren’t revealing your marital status, but also not revealing the fact that you don’t wish to reveal your marital status.
Life would be simpler if Mrs, as the senior title, were used for everyone above a certain age like madam.

@LoveThisDog I think it’s silly that you use Mrs when you’re not married 😀

Loads of women continue to use Mrs after divorce.
Given you've kept your married surname, I can't see it's such a horrific error.

Unless she has form, I'd say she was just making a guess and just tell her how you'd prefer. My MIL was Mrs [divorced married name] for a few decades after her divorce and then spent the rest of her life switching between that and Mrs [new married name] depending on context.

Have never understood why in English we came up with Ms when we already had Mrs at our disposal.

We have records of Ms being used since at least the 1600s. Ms, Mrs, and Miss were all used to mean Mistress with different versions coming in and out of fashion for different groups and professions - Miss came into use for teachers still sticks - along with Mm for Madam and Wdd for Widow, which fell out of favour. Most had no title until the early 1900s when for some reason in English, it was decided that everyone had to have a title to be proper regardless of context and now we're at a point where it's essentially required in cultural practice even when there isn't a legal requirement to have or use one.