Divorced but called 'Mrs'

[Sweetsweetgrass]

I am divorced and engaged to my new partner. I kept my previous married name due to the children who are still young.

My future MIL has sent a Christmas card to my partner and I and addressed it to 'Mr x & Mrs y'. We only got engaged earlier this year but she knows I am divorced and due to marry her son (we've been dating a few years). I found it really inappropriate to address me as Mrs, verging on insulting. It's really got to me because that relationship is over, I've moved on from a difficult time and I cannot understand why she's addressed me as 'Mrs' when I'm not and she knows that.

How would you feel?

How on earth is it insulting?

And is she supposed to know?

Do you always completely overthink things?

My mum remained Mrs, and I know a few people that remained as Mrs. If you have kept your married name, it's not surprising unless you have explicitly told her that you have kept your married name but prefer to be addressed as (presumably) Ms

Unless you have explicitly told her your title is Ms, then YABU. How is she supposed to know?

I'm lost.

Your future MIL addressed your Mrs FutureSurname. Is that right?

What did you want her to do?

I think that's great and really important if it is someone you have a professional relationship with and they will likely do it again. But I'm Dr in my professional life so don't encounter this. It's mainly one off such as at the dentist, car showroom, etc. For me it's not worth correcting these occurrences every time seeing I'll likely never interact with these people again.

Take your birth certificate in and demand they change it.

She’s not even your mil yet and you are already looking for ways to be offended by her. It literally doesn’t matter. At all. I usually hate this phrase on mn but if that’s how big your problems are, you must live a charmed life. Honestly, get a grip!

Yes my mother was Mrs Marriedname for years after getting divorced. I use Ms.
I think it is partly a generational thing.

No. The OP still uses her married surname, and that's the one the MIL addressed her with. The "problem" is that MIL used Mrs and the OP happens to prefer Ms now.

Really don't know how people get through life being so horribly offended by everything.

But they will, presumably, interact with other women…….

It’s only an issue for women, though. Which is worth being concerned about.

I find newspapers tend to drop titles altogether these days, and just refer to "Smith" whether male or female.

But regardless, when you've known someone to be married and then divorced, I think it's bad manners to presume any change in how they are addressed. It's not for me to revoke anyone's right to Mrs - as if to say "well, without your husband, you won't be needing that!". I've known divorced women get quite hurt by people starting to address them by a different title or by their maiden name, without being asked.

Most of who do not go by Dr.

She said her MIL addressed it to "Mr and Mrs Y" though - are you saying she was referring to her son as Mr her-current-name? I agree with @hopeishere it's confusing.

Not that it matters much, I'm just curious.

No, she said

My future MIL has sent a Christmas card to my partner and I and addressed it to 'Mr x & Mrs y'.

That’s the point.

Right.

You think I haven't tried that?

My GP surgery keep calling me Mrs maiden name. I've never ever been married to my Dad.

I always thought that Mrs Hername Husband's Surname used to signify that the woman concerned was a widow?

Been divorced 25 years. Still called Mrs Ex H’s surname. Don’t care, it’s my name.

No, because otherwise there wouldn't be a way of indicating a divorcee. Mrs Wallis Simpson? Hard to fond anything definitive in Google - lots about today's usage, very little about usage in the 50s. But Mrs John Watson for a widow, Mrs Ada Watson for a divorcee was what I was taught. (I wrote a lot of thank-you letters to widowed great aunts)