Children who say ‘okay’

[Sallybegood]

I don’t have kids and most of my friends don’t or don’t yet, so I don’t have a lot of interaction with them. However recently I was at a couple of friends’ parties (two separate occasions) where each time I got chatting to kids age around 7-8. I was doing my best to ask them questions about themselves, what did you do today, what do you like, what do you think about x, etc, which all went fine, but then I was running out of questions so I started to talk about myself a bit, trying to make it interesting/relevant to them, like ‘when I was a kid I liked to do x’ kind of thing. In both cases I monologued a bit and when I was done the kid then went ‘okay’, which is obviously something that would sound a bit sarcastic/dismissive if an adult said it. I thought: ok, fair enough, they’re not interested in hearing some random adult talk about themselves and maybe at that age they basically just want to talk about themselves, must remember that for next interaction.

However last night I was watching the Robbie Williams doc on Netflix, and I noticed at the end when he is about to go on tour, and he and his wife are telling their little son (younger than 7, maybe more like 3) that they love him, their son replies ‘okay’. So I was then wondering, maybe I over-interpreted it and this is just something children say when they can see they’re meant to reply but aren’t sure what to say? Was wondering if people who are parents might have some insight?

YABU - ‘okay’ meant they were bored, kids don’t want to hear random adults talk about themselves

YANBU - ‘okay’ means ‘I know I am mean to reply but I am not sure what to say here, I am 7 and still developing my conversational skills’

Children at that age still are not socially developed like an adult, they cant hold conversations unless its about themselves, they dont care about you unless its directly relevant to them or its a story about you wrestling a crocadile.

Its not you OP, both YABU and YANBU are correct in this case.

Well it's both isn't it. If you're good with kids they tend to engage positively. If you're boring or hit the wrong tone they know by 7 not to be rude but they aren't socially skilled enough to say (as an adult might) "its been lovely chatting to you, but I think I must circulate/ get another drink/ be heading off" etc.

It sounds like you probably interrogated them and they had heard enough. So their " ok " probably meant " that's enough "

I think it’s likely both of your alternatives at the same time:

they were bored, kids don’t want to hear random adults talk about themselves, and ‘I know I am mean to reply but I am not sure what to say here, I am 7 and still developing my conversational skills’

Monologuing adults are generally fairly boring to kids who don’t quite have the same frames of reference - and if not boring then potentially confusing or unintelligible. You get some chatty kids who can talk about anything but it’s pretty normal in my experience especially if you don’t talk to kids much, to not get a lot back.

They say ‘okay’ because they don’t give a fig about whatever you’re on about 😂

Touring doesn’t mean much to a child either, and it should be a given your parent loves you, so a well loved child won’t need to give a big dramatic response.

It’s the children version of looking down at your watch and suddenly having somewhere to be when you’re stuck in a horrible conversation.

Oh God OP, honestly I'd say you overwhelmed those children!

They don't like lots of questions & they've no idea how to deal with your accounts of being a child! At that stage their world is essentially all about them and to them, you are a very old (regardless of your actual age! All adults are 'old' to children) random person telling them stuff they don't want to know.

If you can, doing something with them or playing with them tends to work well.

In the first case I'd say it's poor conversation skill, to be expected when 7 8 I suppose...still a bit rude really.
In the second, I'd say child knows the expected response is I love you too, so is just withholding that because in front of camera crew.

In both cases I monologued a bit and when I was done the kid then went ‘okay’,

Monologued. 😬 Sorry OP but at 7, they’re going to be switch off at this.

Young children hate full conversations with adults they don't know. There's no need to try to fully engage with them, say hello, maybe go as far as 'cute t-shirt' or similar, but definitely don't expect them to even pretend to be interested in you as a young person!

It's both. It is rare that children are good at interacting with adults they don't know, or even children they don't know! It's just a response to let you know they heard you talk and know it is polite to respond.

If you ask google a question about life in general, relationships, tv shows etc then mumsnet comes up quickly in search results, there's not that many good resources like this. I used it years before being a mum, there's tons of topics that are completely unrelated

But yeah OP, just keep the chat fun and light 😂

I think you probably bored them rigid and possibly made them uncomfortable. I would be bored rigid if a stranger adult monologued at me for hours, and if they gave me the 20 questions routine I'd be using any excuse to get away from them.

Children do not really find adults interesting and they do have less developed social skills.

Okay. This is an unnecessarily rude reply tbh. I asked a few questions, which as I said in my original post they happily chatted away in response to. Monologue was a couple of minutes max - ‘for hours’ is your vivid imagination (and not very likely to be realistic if you think about it).

You are overthinking

A brief interaction with someone they don't know well is completely age appropriate. You applied adult emotion and expectation to a conversation with 7/8 year olds

Thing is a couple of minutes to you feels like 45 years to a 7 year old.

I came here long before I had children because I googled for tips on how to remove old sealant from my bath and replace it. Then while I was here I found AIBU and I was hooked.

Ds says ok a lot and to be honest I find it irritating. He’s older though, 11, so should know better. Eg if he’s been a bit down (which is quite a lot lately, he’s struggling with the transition to secondary school) and I can tell he’s had a tough week, I might say “How about tomorrow we go to see that film you wanted see/invite your friends over/go to favourite restaurant as a treat” etc to cheer him up.

Instead of “Yes please!” Or “Thanks mummy!” Or indeed any acknowledgement that this is a nice thing being done for him, he’ll just respond with a monotone “Okay”. It gets up my nose.

Okay is probably their way of saying “Yes, I will say okay to prove that I listened to your story but I’ve no clue how to respond to that anecdote”

Kids are still working on their social skills. On one hand they are told not to talk to strangers but on the other they know that ignoring someone is also rude so they will politely listen.

if you wanted to interact then doing something like playing with the balloons or help them get food or drink from the table might work better.

Genuine question though, how come you use Mum's net if you're not Mum, I've always wondered how you come across it?

Oh dear! There’s even a mumsnetters without children section, that’ll blow your mind then.

Both. Kids really live in the here and now and what happened yesterday, especially to some one else, holds minimal interest to them. But they can pick up that they should respond in some way so 'ok' seems to do.
As for Robbie Williams child, I would have thought most kids would have responded 'I love you too'!

Thing is a couple of minutes to you feels like 45 years to a 7 year old.

Yes! 😂

To any age really - I had said two sentences about my child's failure to put his uniform in the wash today, and he moaned that I was 'going on about it for hours' ...,

You are massively overthinking this. How do you find social situations in general?