Children who say ‘okay’

[Sallybegood]

I don’t have kids and most of my friends don’t or don’t yet, so I don’t have a lot of interaction with them. However recently I was at a couple of friends’ parties (two separate occasions) where each time I got chatting to kids age around 7-8. I was doing my best to ask them questions about themselves, what did you do today, what do you like, what do you think about x, etc, which all went fine, but then I was running out of questions so I started to talk about myself a bit, trying to make it interesting/relevant to them, like ‘when I was a kid I liked to do x’ kind of thing. In both cases I monologued a bit and when I was done the kid then went ‘okay’, which is obviously something that would sound a bit sarcastic/dismissive if an adult said it. I thought: ok, fair enough, they’re not interested in hearing some random adult talk about themselves and maybe at that age they basically just want to talk about themselves, must remember that for next interaction.

However last night I was watching the Robbie Williams doc on Netflix, and I noticed at the end when he is about to go on tour, and he and his wife are telling their little son (younger than 7, maybe more like 3) that they love him, their son replies ‘okay’. So I was then wondering, maybe I over-interpreted it and this is just something children say when they can see they’re meant to reply but aren’t sure what to say? Was wondering if people who are parents might have some insight?

YABU - ‘okay’ meant they were bored, kids don’t want to hear random adults talk about themselves

YANBU - ‘okay’ means ‘I know I am mean to reply but I am not sure what to say here, I am 7 and still developing my conversational skills’

It's used the way "lol" gets used online to mean "I have read your message but have nothing further to say, but ignoring it seems rude".

Making small-talk, and the back and forth of conversation, knowing to take turns, ask question etc are all a learnt skill. They probably didn't know what they should do next.

It could be either. After a couple of questions to show them you are interested in them they generally want to play not chat.

It depends on the kid. But sometimes I do feel sorry for them, they are judged a lot. My 4 year old talks alot then you get adults ignoring him, talking over him, talking to me like he doesn't exist. I was also a chatty kid.

I think it's nice you tried to chat with them. Sometimes they're shy around strangers and just don't feel self assured enough to say the 'right thing'. Sometimes their parents are so glued to phones they're not used to talking to adults.

But equally they didn't do anything wrong. I think it's all fine.

If you want a decent conversation with a 7 year old, ask them about farts. You'll get a great back and forth.

Are you someone who feels they have to talk nonstop to fill any silence?

They were probably bored or overwhelmed by what sounds like an intense interaction. Pull a coin out of your ear next time rather than monologue.

I can remember being that age and hated it if random adults spoke to me, I couldn't handle it and wanted to disappear. One of my kids was exactly the same at that age. You are definitely overthinking this

You sound incredibly insecure to be upset by a child saying ok after you have bored them with old people stories . This post is ridiculous.

Kids don’t really want to listen to an adult droning on about their childhood so I think you just bored them shitless and they didn’t know how else to respond.

Without wanting to be rude, you bored them. Kids don’t want to be talked at, they want to tell you (for example) about Pokémon in some insane level of detail where you will end up saying “ok” a lot or failing that they want to do something else.

Yeah it’s both… they are trying to reply and be polite, but also they really aren’t interested… don’t you remember how ancient adults felt when you were a kid?

My older dd responds okay to almost anything she is on the spectrum. My 8 year old would ask 8283883 questions so I do believe it is a struggle with response response

Meh, we all hit a bum note when chatting to people sometimes.

You can borrow my nine year old if you like, he loves hearing about "the olden days", especially "retro tech". I get interrogated about Windows '95 and Dreamcast far more than is healthy.

I don’t really understand you BU options as they are both correct. It’s no big deal and not something to overthink. Kids don’t really want to be ‘chatting’ to adults.

Because we heard it was hilariously batshit crazy and had to have a look for ourselves. We were not disappointed 😂

As you can see @Sallybegood MN is a model of good manners

I think children probably don’t know what they are supposed to say hence the ‘okay’ but I do know a lot of adults who misuse (imo) okay and it annoys me as well!

It’s definitely a contender for most pointless, unnecessary overthinking of a situation.

Yet you still answered so how bored must you be?

Okay is probably their way of saying “Yes, I will say okay to prove that I listened to your story but I’ve no clue how to respond to that anecdote”
sounds like that to me, too.
You have a few tools up your sleeve for making conversation, OP, but these children's toolbox mainly consists of "ask a question", "answer a question" and "say what comes into your head". "Ask a follow-up question about an anecdote someone's aunty told you" is fairly advanced stuff.

I don’t get the harsh responses to this - OP I’m always thrilled when someone makes the effort to interact and connect with my 5 year old. Most of the time people ignore kids and talk over them! I think you sound really nice! Mine also loves a bit of a yarn.

That said, she has a habit of looking at any well meaning adult who tries to chat to her like a piece of sh*t on her shoe.. which I imagine gives an awful impression - BUT, it’s just shyness mixed with her little “concentrating” face, as soon as the person has gone and the pressure is off she’s absolutely buzzing and literally hopping and skipping with excitement that someone random has fussed her and talked to her. Sometimes I feel like running back and telling them, in case they feel like you did!

They sounded bored and wanting to get away, however you've put it in your posts too. Why did you do it?

I thought: ok, fair enough

Okay. This is an unnecessarily rude reply tbh.

As you can see it's a very common word to use. I can't do your poll as both are correct in all and any intereactions with children.

Not read the whole thread. I do have kids tho.

My guess is that if someone who is not a close family member started talking to some children aged 7 or 8 about their own life or some aspect of it as an adult the child will (especially at primary school age) be desperately thinking to themselves (consciously or sub-consiously) whilst the person is speaking
"is this person asking me to do something?"
"is this person telling me to do something?"
"is this person telling me off?"
"is this person teaching me something (like me teacher at school) and if yes, what do have to repeat back to them when they finish talking?"
"am I in trouble? this person is telling me about something I know nothing about"
"should I be doing something other than listening to this person and am I going to be [told off/similar] by my parents for spending all this time listening to this person?"
"what the heck is this person on about?"
"am I going to be expected to do something/go somewhere after this person stops talking to me"

However simple you think what you were telling these children was, remember that 90% of the time children are in formal or informal learning mode so they are not going to be able to get on your level and have a chat with you about something which is important to you. If you want a vibe/dialogue with them you literally have to get down and see the world from /through their eyes (however boring you might think that is).

Nowadays with all the paranoia they're brought up with, some kids probably also ask themselves 'is this person a paedo?'

Honestly? I think they'd had enough and wanted to get away - a bit like when I am at work and someone talks at me just before I need to leave for a meeting.

The Victorians used to have a seen and not heard rule for children to stop them saying things like "okay". It was acceptable for adults to talk at children. But it isn't any more.