Children who say ‘okay’

[Sallybegood]

I don’t have kids and most of my friends don’t or don’t yet, so I don’t have a lot of interaction with them. However recently I was at a couple of friends’ parties (two separate occasions) where each time I got chatting to kids age around 7-8. I was doing my best to ask them questions about themselves, what did you do today, what do you like, what do you think about x, etc, which all went fine, but then I was running out of questions so I started to talk about myself a bit, trying to make it interesting/relevant to them, like ‘when I was a kid I liked to do x’ kind of thing. In both cases I monologued a bit and when I was done the kid then went ‘okay’, which is obviously something that would sound a bit sarcastic/dismissive if an adult said it. I thought: ok, fair enough, they’re not interested in hearing some random adult talk about themselves and maybe at that age they basically just want to talk about themselves, must remember that for next interaction.

However last night I was watching the Robbie Williams doc on Netflix, and I noticed at the end when he is about to go on tour, and he and his wife are telling their little son (younger than 7, maybe more like 3) that they love him, their son replies ‘okay’. So I was then wondering, maybe I over-interpreted it and this is just something children say when they can see they’re meant to reply but aren’t sure what to say? Was wondering if people who are parents might have some insight?

YABU - ‘okay’ meant they were bored, kids don’t want to hear random adults talk about themselves

YANBU - ‘okay’ means ‘I know I am mean to reply but I am not sure what to say here, I am 7 and still developing my conversational skills’

Next time, get some paper and play naughts and crosses. Sitting a child down for small talk was never going to end well

As ever, it's not what you do but how you do it.

"When I was a girl/boy" just isn't a winning introduction and it's NEVER necessary. It immediately triggers 'yeah sure, but this is now not then' sentiments which are a turn-off when you're already nearly in preachy mode. There are so many other ways in.

YANBU

They're indicating they heard you. They don't feel comfortable asking you questions about your life so this is what they came up with.

It's the equivalent of "Mmhm" or "That's nice". Just a neutral silence filler.

Don't overthink it.

A few years ago I met someone IRL who was early twenties, no DC and said she loves MN I was surprised, but she said it was a good way to get wise advice!

Right, i'm going into work on Monday to "Good idea!' everyone in every meeting I can!

Serious question, are you autistic or do you have Asperger’s syndrome? I don’t think many adults are offended about what kids think or say. There’s likely an underlying issue here.

Instead of “Yes please!” Or “Thanks mummy!” Or indeed any acknowledgement that this is a nice thing being done for him, he’ll just respond with a monotone “Okay”. It gets up my nose.

Oh yes. Remember this. I used to respond 'Well if you're not bothered...' It really irritated me.

At least you got a whole 'okay' this often becomes just 'k'.

My husband uses OK also, I'll say something that is supposed to start a discussion and he just says 'OK'. It is highly frustrating. In his case it means I acknowledge you have said something but really can't be arsed to talk to you. I know if I don't say something you'll get angry so hopefully 'OK' is enough to prevent that.

😂😂

I wish i could be a fly on the wall so I could see their faces!

Try not to think too deeply about it OP.
It’s probably both the reasons you suggested. They aren’t being rude. Kids aren’t really interested in even talking to random adults.

At that age I was so shy when an adult spoke to me I had no clue what to say.

Or, 3: children are no longer raised to have an interest in other human beings (as a Brownie, at 7 we were volunteering in homes for the elderly to provide company I.E. listen to the older folk & spend time (as a pack) shrinking our ego.
Not something that's part of parenting today in our solipsism-riddled society of King & Queen babies. They care not for others. Just cramming their maw & instant gratification.
Okay?!

My 7 year old says "ok" it's
modern way of saying fair enough. If he thought you were boring you would
know, he would say "bye" and shoot off. He wouldn't stand still long enough to listen. I would say he's not developed enough to read a room, but aware if an adult is taking you stand and listen..to him you've made a statement and genuinely it's ok, fair enough, he's not socially astute enough to think of a response unless you're talking about something he is really into for example tornadoes, farting or your favourite flavour of crisps. You're not boring, but your not on the same wave length and tbh it's a deep
dive you don't want to go on unless you have to. My son is laughing his head off about a "poo bridge"..

@Pj1945 I suggest you read up on autistic brains and neurodiversity as the way you have phrased your comment is plain rude.

I'm baffled. I honestly don't ever recall either of my children answering anyone with an "ok", they're really well socialised with all ages of people, young and old since they were very young. Both have always had good conversation and my eldest for sure, even since she was 3yrs old would be the one leading asking the questions. So I wouldn't say replying with "ok" a lot would be normal, comes across as odd to me.

Sounds like an attention span/comprehension thing, OP, I'd not give it a second thought. I doubt a kid that age would have said it to be rude.

By and large, kids have no interest in chatting with adults they don’t know or need something from. They’re still learning social and conversational skills. They might say okay just because they don’t have anything to add.

Also, remember that talking to unknown adults is massively intimidating as a child. Most would be shy or uncertain in this situation.

I have the opposite problem, I’m not great with kids so don’t try to fake it or hide it.
My friends all have kids and occasionally bring them when we meet, they usually have toys or iPads or I put the tv on. I generally speak to them for a few minutes then chat to my friends.

Kids are like cats! When you aren’t trying hard with them they want your attention. If they interact with me then I follow their lead and I will show an interest. My best friends daughter says she learns more from me then school because I love to hear what they are learning about and generally talk about that! Her parents are sick of hearing about it and helping with homework but I was always a geeky child and remember random interesting facts.
I loved the WW2 chats and was appalled my friend didn’t know anything about it and loved listening to what her daughter had learned.

Don’t try to hard, if a kid just says ok think of it as a good thing! You don’t have to impress them or win them over. If they want to engage they will tell you what they are interested in (over & over!)

Most of my friends kids are teens now and that’s even better, we swap make up tips and I’ve been given relationship advice a few times 😂 (it was actually useful)
My friends 17 year old daughter has confided in me and called me for help in the past. My friend says she never wants to know what’s going on if I can solve it at the time - obviously if it’s something big she needs to know but she appreciates that her daughter has an adult she can trust.

If most of your friends don’t have kids yet then don’t worry about it and enjoy this time. If you do want to be in their kids lives when they get older then they will come to you. I have some friends whose kids I haven’t seen for years because they want adult time and appreciate their childfree friends!

Don’t overthink a brief interaction.

I think you're lucky you got an "ok" to be honest, my son literally switches off if he isn't interested and so you get no answer at all and he stares into space.... (he is ND). I think a response aged 7 or 8 is good, and its not as if they were deliberately rude and said "that's boring".... I wouldn't expect anything more from that age group, even the chatty ones would just turn it into something they wanted to talk about e.g. I asked my little boys friend how his day at school was and he just went "want to hear some facts about sharks". Its not rude, it's just how they converse at that age.

You've totally over thought this situation. They are kids, they are not being rude, they likely don't understand what you mean or are overwhelmed.

Okay 👍

OP responded to a poster by saying Okay, then sniped at the perceived criticism. The irony.

DD age 9 and with ASD might answer with "okay" in that circumstance (I've heard her say it once or twice when she didn't know what else to say). She would become stressed with an adult bombarding her with lots of information. She was in speech therapy until recently so wouldn't necessarily know how to answer. A monologue from an adult she doesn't know just won't mean anything to her.

The kid is trying not to be rude, but wondering both a) why is this person talking to me about this? And b) what on Earth am I supposed to say now?

I work with kids - be happy you got an “Okay”

I don't have kids either, but I like the same things as kids so we tend to have conversations where I'm the one who gets bored first 😂

Typical conversations would be them giving me advice on what Pokemon I should have in my team, talking about favourite Disney songs/movies, sometimes commenting on clothes if they're wearing a specific character from something as that's usually something they're currently obsessed with.

I usually only ask one or two questions and they take the conversation from there.

They will often launch into long monologues telling me about something or some story about their best friend who I've never met but they imagine I know deeply because they do.

If they're shy or clingy I don't push, because I remember how horrible it was to be a shy kid in that situation. I also never suggest (or require (!)) hugs or kisses, because I believe it should always be their choice, but they're welcome to approach me if they're comfortable.

When I know I'm going to be around kids I also bring a small supply of little easy to carry age-appropriate things I think they'll like, such as stickers or friendship bracelets. Even if you have nothing to say it starts a conversation. If they're coming to my house we have colouring books etc and usually I'll buy a couple of cheap craft kits from The Works in a theme they like.

I think you're overthinking this, but it was really kind of you to not only try to engage the child but to also keep mental notes for future interactions with other kids about what worked and what didn't.

The "okay" was probably a mix of boredom and knowing they were meant to respond but not having the vocabulary/social skills to do so. At this age they're only just beginning to form connections with others that aren't just to the benefit of themselves and are still learning how social interactions work. Many this age would struggle to listen for (even a few minutes) to an adult they don't really know talk about themselves, so don't take it personally.