Children who say ‘okay’

[Sallybegood]

I don’t have kids and most of my friends don’t or don’t yet, so I don’t have a lot of interaction with them. However recently I was at a couple of friends’ parties (two separate occasions) where each time I got chatting to kids age around 7-8. I was doing my best to ask them questions about themselves, what did you do today, what do you like, what do you think about x, etc, which all went fine, but then I was running out of questions so I started to talk about myself a bit, trying to make it interesting/relevant to them, like ‘when I was a kid I liked to do x’ kind of thing. In both cases I monologued a bit and when I was done the kid then went ‘okay’, which is obviously something that would sound a bit sarcastic/dismissive if an adult said it. I thought: ok, fair enough, they’re not interested in hearing some random adult talk about themselves and maybe at that age they basically just want to talk about themselves, must remember that for next interaction.

However last night I was watching the Robbie Williams doc on Netflix, and I noticed at the end when he is about to go on tour, and he and his wife are telling their little son (younger than 7, maybe more like 3) that they love him, their son replies ‘okay’. So I was then wondering, maybe I over-interpreted it and this is just something children say when they can see they’re meant to reply but aren’t sure what to say? Was wondering if people who are parents might have some insight?

YABU - ‘okay’ meant they were bored, kids don’t want to hear random adults talk about themselves

YANBU - ‘okay’ means ‘I know I am mean to reply but I am not sure what to say here, I am 7 and still developing my conversational skills’

Exactly. And monologuing at anyone isn't really the done thing.

Kids don't want to speak to random adults, there's no point trying to force it. They were polite for the age and situation I think.

I don’t know why you’re giving this any headspace whatsoever.

Young children just repeat how their parents talk to them.

If they reply to a monologue with a sarcastic sounding ‘okay then’ that means one or both of their parents is a bit of a jerk who thinks it’s acceptable to speak nastily to their child in private.

My son’s friend is a lovely little guy but sometimes makes very nasty sounding comments to me. This puzzled me until I overheard how his dad speaks to his mum - total chauvinist pig 😔

They say "Ok" because it's an appropriate and neutral response.

Would you have expected they said, "Wow that's so interesting Mrs Sallybegood, do tell me more!"

Children won't want to have a long conversation with an adult especially a stranger and they aren't going to be interested in details about that adult. The "OK" was probably because they had switched off but felt they should give a response.

Young children just repeat how their parents talk to them.

I don't think this is true. I was like a bloody CBeebies presenter when my kids were young, enthusiastic and upbeat in response to their every musing. They definitely fell into the 'okay' camp.

They're still learning but like you've said they figured out it was their turn to speak!

When my littlest is a bit stuck on knowing what to say but needs to fill the gap she enthusiastically proclaims "GOOD IDEA"!

It usually gets a good response because people like hearing their idea is good so she's latched on to it for all eventualities 😂

This is lovely 😂

I also think it’s YABU and YANBU at the same time. Don’t overthink it too much and don’t try too hard!

It can mean anything with kids honestly. My son often says ok when he is processing what I'm saying but he also says OK when he isn't listening at all. It's also the answer to how was your day/week/life. You can generally translate what his "ok" means from the tone. He is 7

I just wondered as before I had children, there is no way I would look on a children's site. I couldn't stand all that Mum chat 🤣

I used to try and talk to friend's children but they just used to stare at me in a mind-boggled way if I asked them about school etc (I wouldn'tve dreamed of going on about myself.)

I don't try now, just say hi mainly. I think it's better all round.

I joined years before even thinking of TTC. There's a lot of info on here that's nothing to do with DC.

😂

Your question there is really rude. The OP might be trying to get pregnant. She might have struggled with getting pregnant. She might be deciding whether to get pregnant. Or she might have just searched online for something random and found her way here, like my daughter's gay male student friend who spilled red wine on the carpet and found his way here and stayed for years.

They probably hear this from their parents all the time, so it seems normal to reply to you in the same way. Kids monologue even when their parents are clearly busy or in a hurry, so sometimes (charming as a child's monologue may be), "OK" is the only answer you can really manage to give them! No wonder they pick it up and use it themselves 😂

Most of the topics on Mumsnet aren't really about parenting, though, are they? So it's not really 'Mum chat'. People are also talking about relationships, friendships, work, moral dilemmas, health, politics, celeb gossip etc.

Also, it's a very famous website that comes up in a fuck-ton of Google searches, so not difficult to come across it. I don't have kids but think I actually first used it when I was just Googling stuff relating to buying a house.

Both, op. Sounds like they were trying to be polite but didn’t know what to say and I suspect your monologue about being a child probably did make them switch off. Generally being a child is not an interesting subject for youngish children and they’re not great at engaging with it- it’s more interesting looking back. In fact, I think children do better at talking about being a baby, say, as they can at least see it as something different from their current status. They’re not really that good at looking at themselves and the fact of their being a child from the outside, v different from us adults who love to analyse ourselves. That sort of shruggy response is what you get when they just haven’t followed at all.

They were probably a bit overwhelmed. At that age, a lot of questions and then someone then changing the subject to talking about themselves, the kids were probably like ok now enough. Kids at that age don't really know how to respond.

Also think this sounds like the Robbie Williams thing- it’s all a bit too much (parent going away, saying I love you on camera in a slightly performative way)- just overwhelmed and unable to process so say “ok”.

@babasaclover I don't have kids- started reading MN because someone recommended the Trans Widows threads on a feminist FB group, to help understand what women are going through. Then I ended up on Relationships board and the rest is history. 'Came for the feminism, stayed for the random stuff.'

A 7 year old’s brain isn’t developed like an adults is. They are focused on making sense of their own lives, they don’t have the mental capacity to empathise with others or reflect on why other people’s experiences would be relevant to them in any way whatsoever. Genuine empathy develops much later.

At age 7 they may have learnt to be polite and listen to others, but they aren’t really listening to you in the way you think.

They replied. That's fine, they didn't tell you they didn't understand or were bored, but really if they'd have been interested they'd have probably asked questions.

I used to give dd2 and a couple of friends a lift home from an activity when they were about 7yo. We were stuck in a queue and they were a bit tired and miserable so I told them a silly story from when I was little about being stuck in a queue. They asked some questions about things that were different and I thought that had just distracted them enough from bickering.

To my surprise this became a weekly event. They'd leap in the car and ask "can you tell more about when you were a child." We covered all sorts from sports days through to dial phones and phone boxes etc.
When I started running out of ideas they'd say "can we have the story about the toaster again."

Haha, I've also experienced this! The most banal stories too, told in moment of desperation, asked for time and time again 😂

I've got one this age and she's massively socially awkward at the moment. Really chatty and sweet if she's feeling comfortable but when she is feeling shy she either freezes and says nothing or just nods and says 'yes,no,okay'. They're at an age where more is expected of them but they're just not confident enough often to live up to the expectations. My 4 year old on the other hand would talk non-stop and be totally unaware that he is dominating conversations. In 4 years time he will be the awkward, shy one instead.