Children who say ‘okay’

[Sallybegood]

I don’t have kids and most of my friends don’t or don’t yet, so I don’t have a lot of interaction with them. However recently I was at a couple of friends’ parties (two separate occasions) where each time I got chatting to kids age around 7-8. I was doing my best to ask them questions about themselves, what did you do today, what do you like, what do you think about x, etc, which all went fine, but then I was running out of questions so I started to talk about myself a bit, trying to make it interesting/relevant to them, like ‘when I was a kid I liked to do x’ kind of thing. In both cases I monologued a bit and when I was done the kid then went ‘okay’, which is obviously something that would sound a bit sarcastic/dismissive if an adult said it. I thought: ok, fair enough, they’re not interested in hearing some random adult talk about themselves and maybe at that age they basically just want to talk about themselves, must remember that for next interaction.

However last night I was watching the Robbie Williams doc on Netflix, and I noticed at the end when he is about to go on tour, and he and his wife are telling their little son (younger than 7, maybe more like 3) that they love him, their son replies ‘okay’. So I was then wondering, maybe I over-interpreted it and this is just something children say when they can see they’re meant to reply but aren’t sure what to say? Was wondering if people who are parents might have some insight?

YABU - ‘okay’ meant they were bored, kids don’t want to hear random adults talk about themselves

YANBU - ‘okay’ means ‘I know I am mean to reply but I am not sure what to say here, I am 7 and still developing my conversational skills’

Well unless your past includes fire eating or similar they would have been bored yes

But they don’t have the social skills to make small talk, so when someone talks random at them, saying OK isn’t rude or dismissive, it’s just an all purpose acknowledgement that they are being talked to

There are loads of non mums on mumsnet, they have a whole board to themselves and are also allowed outside it

Vast amounts of the chat here is not to do with kids and there’s nothing else like it

I think young children recognise three categories of adult - authority figure, "safe" adult and playmate.

Of course, these can overlap... I'd like to think I can fall into all of these categories at various times for my DC.

But young children struggle imo with adults who don't fit into any of these categories, at least until they've had time to develop decent social skills.

You'd have got a better response if you'd said either "come here and help hand out these snacks please" or "can you do a bottle flip? Let's see who can do the most".

I think young children recognise three categories of adult - authority figure, "safe" adult and playmate.

I agree - I think they pretty much see 'teachers' 'friends mum/dad' and 'relative'. If the adult falls into an other category they can be a bit confused and either show off or get really shy. So just repeating 'okay' is not too bad really!

Am laughing OP, thats kids for you. I think by 7 a child certainly does know how to hold a conversation but some kids absolutely hate talking to adults. I'm guessing the 'ok' 7 yr old is in their own head politely telling you to F off. They are probably the same ones who at 4 or 5 would give you the death stare and walk off and have learned thats not polite so the next best thing is 'ok' and end the conversation. Some kids thrive on adult conversation, they are all different. I work with younger kids and we have very different styles and techniques of how to interact with different personality types.

@Fannyfiggs you're not wrong it's very entertaining!!!

@Dappled that makes sense and i wasn't being rude just always wondered.

I think it's really kind to think this much about how the kid feels 😊

ok = “you have given me a lot of irrelevant information I have no further use of. acknowledged just so you don’t feel too awkward.”

Okay is probably their way of saying “Yes, I will say okay to prove that I listened to your story but I’ve no clue how to respond to that anecdote”

Probably this.

I wonder if you were talking at them and to them - in which case okay is neutral but discourages further information onslaught.

A monologue, even a couple of minutes was probably torture for these kids.

Okay is a polite phrase that doesn't encourage anymore dialogue.

It all depends on the child. I was surrounded by adults and adult conversation as a child. My parents had me in later life and I had no siblings. I was almost always included in adult conversation (not decision making or anything totally inappropriate obviously). So I was interested in what adults had to say and was keen to engage with them. I asked a lot of questions from a young age and would even bring politics and religion into it sometimes - such as "do you believe in god" or "do you vote tory" (I knew my parents didn't do either). I think I raised a few eyebrows.

I'm also batshit crazy so I've found my people 😂

Our youngest son, now 18, was diagnosed with ADHD Asperger's when he was 6. Whenever we tell him we love him, he would always say ok, he just couldn't bring himself to say it. He still says it most of the time, but since my mom passed away last year he has started saying it some, once in a while he'll even text it after we text him we love him. So "ok" is definitely a word we hear alot!

I actually wouldn't worry about it because they're just kids who probably didn't know what to say.

I voted YANBU, but it’s a bit ironic OP as your communication is not socially developed either and can’t imagine an adult would want to listen to a monologue, let alone a child.

Listening and saying “okay” was their version of a polite adult who got stuck talking with you, so yes you read far too much and expected them to respond like an adult.

It seems you have little experience of engaging DC, that’s all there is to read into this.

I still say ok when I'm not sure what my response should be, & I'm 43! I am currently awaiting a possible diagnosis for ADHD tho, so maybe that's part of it!!

Do you not remember from being a kid yourself how awkward it was when random adults talked to you.

You've answered your own question. It is both of your summaries at the end of your post

Chdren spend large amounts of time during school hours listening to and learning from adults. At weekends and in their spare time they often just want to kick back and zone out and not get in to adult conversations. Especially younger kids in my experience

I work with 7 year olds daily. They are interested in 5 seconds of me!

They're just kids. They're not ready for big old adult chats, particularly with those they don't know well.

Can't you remember how awkward it was when you were young and one of Mum's friends was all like 'Sooo, what's your favourite subject at school? What do you want to be when you grow up?' etc? Absolutely excruciating!!

Children just mimic what’s been modelled to them. It’s probably their parents saying “okay” because they don’t know how else to respond. Kids talk a lot and often it’s just pure fantasy so “okay” is just an acknowledgment.

Very realistic when applied to how it could have felt to the children in question having somebody so ancient that they're as old as their parents talking at them about themselves and when they were a child.

To them, a 14 year old seems unspeakably grown up and sophisticated - you'll be an old woman, like at least 30.

Get over yourself. Plenty of very bright kids are rubbish at making conversation. It comes eventually. What were you hoping to achieve from this post?

I think you’re s massive over thinker

If you want to be interesting to kids (or anyone) the don't start with 'when I was a kid...' it's boring.

If you simply said 'I like Minecraft/football/horses' then yeah.

To be honest, they probably were listening but don't have this social skills to reply in a socially acceptable way. When you were 7, did you?