To not go to Christmas do due to this?

[KeiraKnightley2]

I work in the private sector. Me and the one other person who lives a 1.5 hour commute away either get a taxi home after or a hotel stay. I've done both.

This year I asked for a taxi and at first they said yes. The next day I received an email saying budgets this year wouldn't stretch to it so it isn't possible. So I'll need to travel in and I won't be able to relax because then I need to worry about travelling back again.

The trains are hellish enough just now never mind the week before Christmas. In all honesty I've been struggling lately due to a bereavement last month but thought at least I can show face then have the taxi home.

There's always the feeling you need to be seen going to these things. Would you suck it up even if it's pretty crap?

I have spent two decades 'showing a face', I just don't anymore. I am so over it.

Can’t you go for just an hour or two and then get the train home?

So sorry for your loss.

As the goal posts have changed this year it’s a good excuse (if you even need one) not to attend.

Better they aren’t paying as now you are under no obligation.

Why can't you go and not drink? Then you can drive home and show your face. And not have a hangover.

I would go to the day event and leave at the time you would typically go home after work (before dinner). You have made the effort to show face but will be home early - I think that shows that you are doing the right thing whilst not having to commute home late at night. Ultimately you need to do what suits you though as everyone in here will have a different opinion

I was thinking the same thing. It must cost the company a bomb for two taxis for 2 x 1.5 hour journeys. Sorry OP, it sounds a bit entitled to me, especially with the financial situation as it is at the moment. Couldn't you stay at your colleagues house afterwards and share the taxi cost between you?

Having worked in the public sector, we have to self-fund our parties and travel arrangements.
Prior to that I worked in the private sector where the parties were paid for but we still had to fund our own travel.

I mean, I work in public sector so any Xmas do and expenses is on myself. No I do not go to anything that I don't want to go to, and is not reasonably priced. Hasn't affected my career as far as I can tell.

This ^
Asking an employer to cover travel costs for a night out is bizarre!

I think it's unreasonable for you to expect work to pay for a taxi, given that I'm sure you knew where the office was when you took the job. Sounds like everyone else is able to arrange their own transport. I think your excuse of not being able to enjoy yourself because you're worried about getting home is a bit weak to he honest. If you don't want to go then just politely decline, it's not compulsory.

Been at my company for 10 years. All of our team are field based. We are always provided with a hotel and reimbursed for fuel.

Just decline and say you can't afford wither a hotel stay or a taxi

This. We even have to pay for our own meal and drinks 😂😭😭

There's always the feeling you need to be seen going to these things

why?

I just wouldn't go. Nothing more to add.

This.. otherwise it is work and that is paid.

I guess the complication here is they've previously funded it so there's a precedence set. I do get the annoyance that's been withdrawn but it isn't unreasonable if costs are being cut.

Travelling back on a train, on your own, presumably at night? Not a chance. Use that as an excuse.

So...you don't want to go because you'd have to use public transport like everyone else?
Were they all given an extra hundred quid like you were before?

I have worked in both types of companies- where there were lavish parties, taxi paid for or the hotels if you live very far.
I used to go to those parties and usually loved those. I don’t drink but I did take taxis (I preferred shares) back home just because they would finish around 10pm or later.
now in a public company, the parties are crappy, we have no drinks policy, it’s a potluck actually, and it does start during the work hours.
I usually just stay till 5pm (my usual time of work) and then take my train back (1 hour train back home plus my drive for 10-15 more minutes to reach home), but as they pay for my work hours so i don’t expect them to have me stay after than for an event which is after hours.
specially during Xmas time, the trains do tend to be very busy.
also, in your case, you can just be honest, stay till 5pm, go back on your usual ride and also telll them that due to bereavement, you don’t feel like staying and partying/enjoying etc.They’ll understand! If someone frowns- not your problem!

I Work in the Public Sector & have never enjoyed the benefits of free hotel accommodation or cab fares for work xmas do’s, but in past I’ve been happy to pay to enjoy company of work colleagues who I liked.
However, past few years I haven’t bothered to go, as dynamics/staff have changed drastically & I have no desire to spend my free time with people I have little in common with, and have no interest in what they may or may not think about my lack of sociability because I am a grown-up, so not accountable to anyone else.
In your case you are still grieving, so simply explain that you are not ready to socialise just yet, so you can leave the door open for next year, if you decide you want to be included.

I think there are 2 issues relating to this, 1 is a perfectly valid reason not to attend, that due to a recent bereavement, you don’t feel up to it this year. The other though that you live too far away is not your employers fault, you took a job knowing what your commute would be, so I don’t think employers should be expected to firm out for taxis or hotels when it is your choice to travel so far for work. That said, no one should feel obligated to go to any forced social activity with work and if you don’t want to go don’t go

Just depends how you feel

if you want to go then pay for a hotel.
if not then don’t go. Just tells folk you don’t fancy paying for a taxi home.

if anyone hinted that not going to an Xmas party would be detrimental to my career I’d make it clear that I was pissed off

Don’t go if it’s not practical, or pay for your own taxi. They were pretty good giving you a taxi last year, not many organisations would have done that.

In my experience, unless you’re senior management, the idea that it’s frowned upon not to attend Christmas dos is pretty superficial. It possibly gets mentioned for. A week or two over the slow Christmas period and by the time you’re in the middle of January everyone has moved on and forgotten. If it’s an opportunity to develop your in work network, it might be worth sucking it up to be there for you, but not many work parties actually provide that sort of opportunity. It’s normally more about bonding with people you’re already close to and you can do that over lunches or other opportunities throughout the year.

Stay for your normal work hours then make your excuses and leave.

If they do make an issue of it, consider highlighting that you would feel unsafe traveling back late at night on the Friday before Christmas. Because then they have to consider if it’s sex discrimination.