Highly sensitive empath burn out

[Keepingscore]

So, this is me and looking for opinions on how to manage this trait, especially at work. I work in the charity sector so whilst being empathic and a degree of sensitivity is good when supporting our users and their families it isn't so good working in a toxic team culture, my team members do not share my sensitivity or empathic approach.

It affects me to the point where I am not able to work in a room where there is a lot of negativity, gossip and narcissim. I find it draining. I appreciate we can't all work in positive environments but how do I get over this? it is getting me down and I am regularly burnt out.

This has always been an issue for me so indeed the less people I work with in a team or office the better i am. However this is not always possible, at least not in my field of work. I have pretty good boundaries and don't take on more work than is necessary, I look after my needs and generally say No when I don't want to do something.

Is there anybody who is also an empath/highly sensitive who can share some nuggets of wisdom?

I've no ideal what enpathy means, sorry!

If you’re an empath, don’t you just empathise with them and their gripes and whatever is driving them?

Very interesting post. I think you certainly have a point. It’s difficult to label someone as an empath standalone, but easy to called someone empathetic, imo. Someone may display empathetic qualities, but how does this differ from an “empath.”

There are also highly intuitive people about, very attuned to the feelings and sensitivity of others. Does this mean they are just very socially aware and perceptive, or are they in the “empath” category?

https://www.somatictraumatherapy.com/mirror-mirror/

might be of interest.

@nonsenseaddict Well, saying nothing could be an option.

My question was 'What is the point of poking fun?'

Can you answer it, without inferring that you'd been pressured to post in response to OP, and had to say something?

Empaths certainly do exist. They struggle in environments where toxic positivity is present, such as healthcare settings where the focus is allegedly on patients but is actually focused on management convenience, education where the customers are a temporary, transient inconvenience and the public and charity sectors where those at the top (or with aspirations to reach the top) are almost entirely self-centred and many at the bottom have a more altruistic mindset.
When I worked for a major UK charity, two of my immediate colleagues owned Ferraris, at a major INGO, two of the most senior managers were publicly identified sex pests.

I would think being empathic would make you more resilient in the face of negativity, as you can recognise Judith has a tough home life, and Bob is deeply unhappy, they aren’t lashing out at you personally just expressing their own misery. I have that level of empathy, and it means I can take things less personally since everything and in fact most things are not about me.
but if it’s a truly toxic workplace, then nobody likes it, and it creates psychological distress and mental burnout often with physical symptoms, so you should find somewhere else. Work on your resilience while you do- Monday at work take each team member and ask yourself what they are feeling? Do this every day. Add questions like ask yourself what colleague Sally thinks of colleague James, take yourself out of the equation and think of your colleagues as people. Maybe your conclusion is James thinks we are all bugs to stomp on and Sally loathes him with the fire of a thousand suns. That’s ok.
this is excellent practice for everything.

@LolaSmiles oh definitely, being an hsp/empath does not equate to being more understanding or a 'people person'. In fact when it becomes overwhelming it results in being quite anti-social. This is why coping mechanisms are needed!

@HappyMavis

Having empathy doesn't mean understanding people when they do shit stuff.

Why do you like putting people down?

Not an opinion. It’s fact until proven otherwise. Being an Empath is not a recognised condition of emotional disregulation/sensory overload. Empath is a self given label for those who do not recognise that their emotional disregulation is coming from another condition and is very normal within the realms of these other conditions. Being an empath is not a comorbid condition, is is simply an ideological label.

When it is medically proven without doubt to be its own diagnosable condition, of course I will sincerely apologise…

It was fairly astonishing @porridgeisbae. My husband had nearly died in a horrible way and it was my first time out socially in a little while. I was being asked about it and didn’t feel much like sharing the details, but what little I did say she just made it all about her. She was actually moaning. I mean…

According to the questionnaire I am a highly sensitive person (HSP). As someone who is always being told I am too sensitive/dramatic I found it useful to know that it wasn't something that I could change which was comforting.

However, I find whole culture around being an "empath" pretty self-serving, almost like excessive virtue-signaling. The book was not very practical about how to actually manage yourself and in puts HSPs on a pedestal/creates a victim narrative which is not good for anyone. Just because you are an empath does not mean you "care" more or are better than anyone else.

In my experience it just means I have to put a bit more effort into regulating my emotions than most people. Its not my fault, but it is my problem to manage. The most useful thing was coming up with stock phrases that I could whip out like the MN favourite "this doesn't work for me" and "I will look this over and get back to you". I also have worked with a psychologist to talk through situations in a comfortable and less stimulating environment.

The biggest change I made was getting out of clinical practice where I was constantly around people with a high level of needs and I would guess that includes charity as well, so you can focus on the work rather than people all the time. Also getting a really solid routine around sleep has been fantastic for me as well. When feeling particularly anxious I also found having some protien (a boiled egg/tin of tuna) calms me down, and putting in the headphoens and listening to "focus" music bring down the emotions to.

Hope that helps.

I think people can be highly or overly sensitive but I don’t really know what empath really means.

It sounds more like you have good boundaries around work but poor boundaries around people. Thus you’re too open to what other people say and do. That’s not really sensitivity per se but more a lack of sense of self and a lack of detachment and inner strength.

It was just that you made a comment regarding what an empath should be able to do.

Watchkeys
Not wanting to work in a genuinely toxic environment is normal and has nothing to do with being an empath. If someone is miserable at work and thinks they're surrounded by toxic behaviour and narcissistic colleagues then the logical thing to do is find a new job.

If someone perceives they feel more emotional awareness than other people (because let's be honest none of us know what others think or feel) to the point where they are finding it difficult to be around negativity in a working environment, then they probably need to talk to someone professional about that. Unless they get to the root cause then a change in workplace is unlikely to help because all it will take is a colleague moaning about something and the person will be back in their woe is me, I'm drained, the new colleagues are so negative, I can't cope spiral.

you are describing common feelings and responses as empaths.

again this speaks to a feeling that empaths are morally superior. Normal people would be happy with people ripping off a charity but empaths would struggle.

normal people would not notice that the health service isn’t running perfectly - only empaths understand when a service isn’t patient centric

It just sounds like bullshit to be honest.

I don't think empaths existed until that actress played one in Star Trek Next Generation.

The self proclaimed certainly like to think so...

As a PP has said, it's a way to feel superior.

OP, if you don't like your workplace, you should seek another.

I respect your right to see the world differently than me, that's ok. 🙃

The question is whether this is really a toxic workplace - and to be fair some people who work at charities are arseholes; or whether this is just average office gossip/bitching etc that you get in many workplaces.

Oh- also the big thing was dealing with an anxiety disorder! Now that is better all the management methods work really well.

So getting frustrated at unclear expectation, difficultly when set boundaries aren’t clear and intense feelings against injustice are all ‘being an empath’?

@LolaSmiles

We disagree. I think that if someone is unhappy in their workplace, then changing their workplace is a sensible course of action. OP says she looks after herself and is fine with people except the toxic colleagues. Removing the toxicity usually creates a less toxic life. I'm sure OP will be able to work out which of our opposing opinions fits her best.