Grandparents took my daughter to A&E without letting us know

[2828r]

Am, I being unreasonable? I'll just set out the facts. The kids stayed out at their grandparents last weekend and went to a skate park. My daughter fell down some stairs and hurt her leg.

My wife had just finished a run of night shifts and we were expecting the kids back around 1:30. When they turned up at 2:30 my parents said they had taken my daughter to A&E to have her checked out, but hadn't told us as my wife had just finished nights and they didn't want to worry her.

My daughter was fine, just a little bruised and shaken by the experience. We later found out from her that she had fainted which caused the fall. My parents weren't aware of the fainting incident and just thought she'd had a clumsy moment.

We feel that if a child is taken to A&E, we should know about it straight away as grandparents don't hold parental responsibility and can't consent to treatment if required. Although our daughter was fine, children present differently to adults and tend to compensate very well then suddenly deteriorate, she could easily have had some other internal injury.

This is a fundamental disagreement, my parents think they were being considerate with my wife having just finished nights. We feel it's more important to be informed if an incident is serious enough to warrant a trip to A&E

Sorry you need to get a grip and adult caring for your child acted in an appropriate manner.

People are missing the point that yea they were right to take her to A&E but as soon as the at decision was made they should have phoned a parent to tell them she was on their way and it was up to the parent to then decide to accompany. I can’t imagine even taking a child for a couple of stitches otherwise we’ll in my care and not telling the parents where we were going and why.

but why couldn’t they phone you @2828r ? Where you also working a Night Shift?

Complete overreaction. They took her to hospital ffs. Your response would suggest they abandoned her in a back alley whilst they got hammered.

I think as they told you pretty quickly after the trip (at least you didn’t find out from your daughter instead of them!), and it was just a minor fall (as they didn’t know about the fainting) I don’t think they have really done much wrong. Yes they probably should have told you, but I wouldn’t fall out over it.

Because then obviously he would have told her, and she then wouldn’t sleep (and im assuming not go to bed either).

Your daughter hurt her leg and her grandparents dealt with it. They told you about it as soon as they dropped her off. It isn't as if they kept it from you for months. They didn't see the need to bother you or your wife for something they could deal with themselves. Some people wouldn't have either bothered taking a child to A&E for just falling down but they did the right thing by taking her just to make sure.
I would feel reassured that the person looking after my child was able to deal with them having an accident.
If it was my child I would have told them that I am grateful that they took her to the hospital to get check out and if it ever happens again I am happy for them to let me know straight away, they don't need to worry about not bother us because one of us works nights.
No need to make a big deal over it.

I think you’re being a little unreasonable. You trusted them to take care of your children. They thought that they were doing the right thing. It was a relatively minor injury. No they do not have parental responsibility but I’m sure something was broken or your child needed surgery they would have contacted you at that point. It turned out your child was fine so no harm was done. All you have to say is next time please let me know if anything happens which requires a trip to A&E.
Maybe in your eyes what they did was wrong but honestly they were doing what they thought was the right thing and if you think that’s wrong then just let them know that you would like them to do things differently next time. Hopefully there wouldn’t be a next time anyway.

I don’t think it’s Dad, I feel both are moms. Not sure but I get the feeling that both are moms.

This.

I would be livid.

A phone call would have been nice

Why couldn't they have rung you ?

Nothing to do with mum working nights

You were there at home

The drip about their medication and adoption means answers will be different

You adopted them so you are their parents

Nothing to do with views of bio parents

You are their parents

I get both sides here
I genuinely think they were trying to be good / helpful by handling the situation and you have to remember that a and e have assessed your child so you don't need to be concerned as emergency treatment doesn't need parental consent anyway and anything more minor a grandparent or career will be able to consent on your behalf the child would never had treatment delayed due to lack a parent being there
also they likely wanted to feel in full control of the situation so you knew they could handle anything help you not worry in future etc
that being said I think it's curtesy to let the parents know even if it's saying please don't leave work or drop everything we have this in hand and all is well
but would I loose sleep or stress about it after the fact? no I'd mention ti them in future you would like to be informed and thank them for the care taken etc and move on

This. You are massively over reacting. You trusted them to look after your daughter and their judgement appears to have been spot on. Of course you were worried, but they meant well. I’m sure you would have been called if it were more serious. Girls can be prone to fainting (I was).

I can kinda see both sides. Yes daughter was too badly hurt but if it warrants a trip to A&E they should have called you straight away. But there was no malice in what they did. Obviously didn’t want you to panic etc & felt they could handle the situation. Try not to be too harsh on them. Just make it clear that you should have been contacted etc

Plus OP still hasn't said why his parents didn't call him when he works from home (or even if he'd been at work). Could it be because they suspected what sort of drama would ensue, if this post is anything to go by?

They did what they thought was right at the time and if any medical intervention was needed would have contacted you. Why did they not contact you but I can see why as you probably would have blamed them for your daughter's incident hence why they wanted to talk to your wife but as she was working nights did not want to disturb her. Just tell them calmly next time please let me know straight away and thank them for looking after her and you should feel lucky and grateful that they help you out as many do not have this kind of help. Take your daughter to get her bloods done so you can see that all is ok with her but you can all learn from this and move on without making a big drama out of it.

Ok I have read your updates, I want to change my last answer!

You seem very controlling with a 14 year old. She isn't a baby, maybe she wants to spend time with grandparents as they treat her like the teenager she is.

their intentions were good and they handled it well - they took her a&e to get her checked out to ensure she’s well rather than to save her life. you can just ask to be informed in future but it doesn’t warrant a disagreement.

YABU - They’ve done what they thought best in the moment and your daughter is fine. To be angry with them is VVVVU.
You could have said to please call if anything like this ever happens again but please thank them for looking after her!!!

That's ridiculous, they cared for the perfectly, taking them to A &E and letting the parents know this has happened.

The drama! 14 year old has a minor fall while in the care of grandparents who have presumably been given permission to care for her , they take a trip to A&E to make sure she is OK and tell you as soon as they bring her home. Just say in future you'd rather know at the time if something happens again, she's not a bloody toddler

As someone else has said, just move on. No disrespect was intended and your daughter's grandparents did what they thought best - they took her straight away to A&E and told you about it when they brought her back. You're very fortunate to have caring grandparents who are trying to do their best.

Omg I just realised it’s a 14 year old . She can actually consent to some medical procedures herself as vaccines . She could have called herself too so you are creating a storm in a cup of water

They hail from an era where you went to a and e to get checked out. You lot think the only time to bother the nice doctors is if you are already dead. So they probably just innocently thought they may as well get her checked out and then tell you when they see you. Christ MN is depressing.